


Second Chances

by magicalIdiot



Series: If Aoi was left behind [1]
Category: Zero Escape (Video Games)
Genre: 999 Spoilers, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Angst, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Junpei deserves a break, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts, but I don't give him one, diverges from canon at some point, in which these kids suffer and help each other, rated for themes and language, vague ZTD spoilers in the last chapter, very brief VLR spoilers but I'll call it out so you can skip them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 48,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28605477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalIdiot/pseuds/magicalIdiot
Summary: The timeline where Aoi does not help Akane fight Free the Soul and ends up on his own, at least until the Field siblings find him. Aoi's decision has repercussions.Or, the year after the Second Nonary Game, and the ways that its participants try to move on with their lives.
Relationships: Aoi Kurashiki & Clover Field, Aoi Kurashiki & Junpei Tenmyouji, Clover Field & Light Field, Clover Field & Tenmyouji Junpei, Kashiwabara Hazuki | Lotus & Tenmyouji Junpei, Light Field & Aoi Kurashiki, Light Field & Junpei Tenmyouji, Seven & Tenmyouji Junpei, mentioned Hazuki / Seven
Series: If Aoi was left behind [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110935
Comments: 27
Kudos: 30





	1. December 2027 / January 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going through two Nonary Games really fucks you up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to do my best to call out anything that might be triggering at the beginning of each chapter, but there's... a lot. These kids are Going Through It.
> 
> TRIGGERS:  
> \- first segment: mention of throwing up, start at "He needs to pull himself together" to skip  
> \- second segment: guns and death, I'll post a brief summary of this bit at the bottom since there's basically no way to read it if either of these trigger you.  
> \- last segment: incineration and panic attacks. If you've played 999, you can probably guess what this is about. Again, no way to read without running into these triggers, so I'll summarize at the bottom.

**December 2027**

Some days it is easier than others to forgive Aoi and Akane Kurashiki.

Today is one of the bad days. Light is curled up next to the toilet, having already vomited up the contents of last night’s dinner. His nightmares were all smells and touches and sounds, but that didn’t make them more bearable. When he closes his eyes, he hears Clover yelp as a knife is held to her throat. He smells rotting flesh and pools of blood and imagines that it was hers, that she’d been dragged behind door number five, that she’d died—

Light retches again, but his stomach is already empty, and nothing comes up. With a sigh, he flushes the toilet and curls up on the cold tile floor, letting the chill ground him in reality. He is alive. She is alive. Aoi and Akane did not plant bombs inside them in the first place. There is no timeline where Clover died by exploding into bits.

He needs to pull himself together before Clover wakes up. It’s early in the morning, he thinks, based on the silence in the house, but he doesn’t know the exact time. He slowly peels himself off the floor and stumbles back to his bed. Clover’s bedroom door is closed as he passes by it, so hopefully she did not hear his episode in the bathroom. 

It’s not that he’s ashamed of having nightmares— it’s quite natural to have nightmares after what they’ve been through. Rather, he would like to be strong enough for Clover to rely on him. As her older brother, it is his duty. Clover would happily comfort him, but he doesn’t want to burden her with that responsibility. She already looks after him enough as it is. He wants to support her, too.

But today, he doesn’t feel like a beacon of support. He feels like he’s falling apart at the seams, each individual piece of him crumbling into smaller bits until there’s nothing left. He flops onto his bed face down and hugs his pillow. He’s so tired. His parents have done nothing to help him or Clover cope with the resurgence of their trauma. He has half a mind to run away so he doesn’t have to deal with their overbearing expectations of normalcy. Things aren’t normal for him right now. Every breath he takes reminds him of shallow, careful breaths rationed inside a coffin, wondering if he’d ever smell the refreshing air on the other side of the lid. He cannot walk through the rain without the squelching sound of water under his feet reminding him of the slowly sinking ship, or of the blood that pooled at his feet as he walked through door number 5. And Clover, poor girl, clung to him even harder these days, as if she was afraid he’d disappear while she wasn’t looking. He didn’t blame her at all.

No, he blamed Akane Kurashiki, and to a lesser extent, Aoi. He’d blame Aoi more, but he knows that he would do everything Aoi did and more if it guaranteed Clover’s safety. Aoi had gassed him and shoved him into a coffin, he’d put them in a dangerous game where Gentarou Hongou could have killed them for no reason at all, he’d made them relive their childhood trauma. It was all for the purpose of keeping Akane alive. Light understands that. And he knows that if he was a better person, he would forgive and forget.

But Light is angry and hurting and he wants it all to stop. He’s been feigning strength for too long, and this was the final straw. It’s too hard to get back up after being knocked over again. He’s so weak and helpless and tired of fighting for his happiness. Maybe he would give up if Clover wasn’t around.

Light allows himself one more minute of wallowing in his anger and annoyance, and then he pushes it all down. Repression isn’t healthy, but it would have to do for now. He’ll focus on his problems once he is sure that Clover is back on her feet.

And if he ever encounters the Kurashikis again, he just might slap them both.

~*~

_ You hear the voice of the devil, the voice of that bastard, ringing through the incinerator. You can hear Clover’s panicked breaths. Lotus has already been discarded to the side, and now Clover is at gunpoint. You can’t move. Your thoughts freeze. Ice grips your heart. “Please… leave her alone. You can do anything with me, but please—” _

_ A gunshot rings out but there is no scream and no scent of blood. She’s still here. “Now, then. It’s time to escape,” says the devil, and he yanks Clover farther away, _

_ There are four beeps on the RED scanner: the devil, the number 9 bracelet, Clover, Junpei. _

_ (Junpei is still breathing, but barely. He was knocked unconscious when Lotus escaped Hongou’s grip.) _

_ The RED beeps again, giving the sound of an error. “Damn you!” the devil cries, and then— _

_ “Well, I hardly need you alive now.” _

_ Gunshot 1. Clover stops breathing. The scent of blood enters the air. _

_ Gunshot 2. Junpei stops next. You run towards the sound of the gun. You don’t care if you die anymore, as long as the devil dies with you. _

_ Gunshot 3. You move just in time. The bullet whizzes by, hitting nobody. You tackle Hongou and force him to the ground. _

_ Gunshot 4. Pain erupts in your chest. You don’t care. You don’t care, you don’t care, not when she’s dead. Your hands close around Hongou’s throat. _

_ Gunshot 5— _

_ You’re in a hospital room, sitting in front of a blank wall. “Your sister is in another room. Tell us what you’re thinking about right now.” _

_ It’s the devil’s voice. You can’t move. All you feel is her fear, her desperation, clear as day— _

_ You’re on a boat. Water is up to your knees. You’re running as fast as you can to the number 9 door. Adrenaline threatens to tear you apart. For her. For her. For her— _

_ Gunshot 5. And then, there is nothing. _

~*~

**January 2028**

Aoi doesn’t fully sink into his self-hatred until Akane leaves.

It’s easier for Aoi to ignore his emotions while Akane is around, while she needs him. But he has known for a long time that she wasn’t going to stick around forever. The last nine years have changed them both, and she isn’t the same person that he’d sought to save from burning to death. She’s grown distant, focused on the greater good, unable to see the potential happiness that is right in front of her. She wants to use her powers to save the world. Aoi wants to bury himself under a blanket and never come out again. They’re different people. He gets it. It still hurts to see her leave without saying goodbye.

He still loves her anyway.

Now that he is alone, there’s nothing keeping him afloat, so he drowns. Akane has taken full control of Crash Keys for the sake of her crusade against some religious cult. Aoi begged her to put herself first for once, so Akane seized the company and left without a word. What this really means for Aoi is that he has nothing left to occupy his time or his mind, nothing left to distract him from how horrible of a person he’s become. He’s a murderer. He’s the scum of the earth. He deserves the pain that Akane is putting him through by leaving him behind. The only thing keeping him alive is the misplaced hope that one day, she’ll need a place to come back to.

Akane doesn’t respond to any of his texts or emails. Aoi isn’t sure what hurts more: Akane’s lack of communication or the fact that he never expected a response from her in the first place.

For two weeks, Aoi hardly exists. He sleeps all day, eats instant ramen when absolutely necessary, and checks his phone constantly for any messages from Akane. He doesn’t leave his apartment until he runs out of food and his hunger grows too large to handle any longer. It takes all of his energy to peel himself off the couch and make a grocery list.

Aoi hardly expects to encounter Light and Clover Field at the grocery store, but fate seems to want to take a shit on him today. He isn’t able to run out of the aisle before Clover throws a can of Pringles directly at his head. “Shit!” He ducks just in time and the can whooshes over his head harmlessly. Thankfully, it doesn’t burst open. “What the hell?”

Light reaches out a hand to stop Clover from launching anything else in Aoi’s direction. “Aoi, is that you?”

“Yeah, it’s me,” Aoi mutters. He picks up the Pringles can and places it back in Clover’s cart as a gesture of goodwill. Clover glares at him angrily.

“Why are you here?” Clover demands.

“So I don’t fucking starve,” Aoi says wearily. He is suddenly very aware of how everything in his basket is instant food. Then again, the Fields don’t seem to be eating any healthier. “Wait, hold on. Why the fuck are  _ you _ here in New York? You live in Japan.”

Aoi shouldn’t know this, but he’s been to their house before to kidnap them. He remembers seeing their peacefully sleeping faces and being crushed by the guilt of what he was about to do to them. He remembers the panic attack he had afterwards, after Akane had loaded the two unconscious bodies of the Field siblings into their car, after they’d kidnapped everyone else, after they’d gotten on the helicopter and he could finally let himself feel again. 

Shit, he’s about to have a panic attack  _ now _ .

“We moved out. Our parents were being annoying,” Clover says dismissively. She marches up to Aoi with the full intention of punching him, and Aoi holds his hands up in surrender.

“If you wanna beat me up, that’s fine, but can we do this outside? I don’t wanna be arrested for causing a disturbance.”

Clover puffs her cheeks out angrily. “It’s no fun if you  _ let _ me hit you. That’s not cathartic at all!”

“Certainly not,” Light agrees. “Aoi, is Akane with you? Junpei has been looking for her since last November.”

Aoi wants to shout that it’s none of their fucking business, but it kind of  _ is _ their business, given how he and Akane had ruined their lives. “No,” he says quietly. “I don’t know where she is.”

“You don’t… know?” Light says slowly, his eyebrows creasing with concern. “Aoi, is everything all right?”

“Right as fucking rain,” Aoi grumbles, trying his best to keep his mounting panic out of his voice. This— being faced with Clover’s and Light’s concern— feels wrong. He doesn’t deserve their kindness. He wants to run. He feels like a deer in the headlights, deciding whether or not to bolt. He doubts that he’ll be able to outrun Light given how much his body is shaking from hunger.

Clover grabs him by the wrist. “Come on. We can talk more after we’re done shopping.”

And that’s how Aoi ends up following the Field siblings all through the store in a daze, and then home to their apartment because Clover guilts him into helping unload their groceries. They live in a much smaller and cozier place than Aoi, but it doesn’t feel as empty. It’s a two bedroom apartment with a small kitchen and sitting area. The place is somewhat messy, but there’s a clear path through the dirty clothes strewn about, presumably so Light can feel his way around. The kitchen is clean enough, at least, and Aoi is able to follow Clover’s instructions with ease. Once they’ve finished putting the groceries away, though, he isn’t sure what to do. Should he leave? Is he intruding? How the fuck did he even end up here? He doesn’t belong here. He should go.

“Aoi,” Light says gently, and Aoi’s whole body tenses. “Please sit down. According to Clover, you look absolutely miserable.”

“Gee, thanks, Clover,” Aoi says snarkily, but there’s no bite to it. He’s too tired. So, so tired. He doesn’t sit. “Look, I— you guys hate me, right? So I don’t need to stay here. I’m just making your day worse than it has to be.”

“I don’t…  _ hate _ you,” Clover says from the kitchen where she’s brewing some tea. “I hate what you did to us. You kind of made us relive the worst experience of our lives, and you made me think that my brother was  _ dead _ .” Clover shrugs. “But nine years ago, you helped my brother come back to me alive. So, I dunno. It’s complicated.”

Do nine hours of good deeds cancel out nine hours of bad ones? Aoi doesn’t think so.

“It is complicated,” Light agrees, and again gestures for Aoi to sit down. This time, Aoi obeys, mostly because he thinks he will collapse if he doesn’t. “What happened with Akane? Has she gone missing?”

Aoi doesn’t miss the way Clover’s face sours upon the mention of his sister.

“No, she…” Aoi has trouble forming the right words. He hasn’t talked to anyone about this— who would he have?— so it’s tough to say it out loud. The trembling of his body and sharp pains in his stomach don’t help. “She left. We had a disagreement, and she left. She won’t respond to my texts or calls, and I have no fucking clue if she’s alive.” Aoi’s voice cracks, and he realizes belatedly that he’s tearing up. Clover places a mug of tea on the table in front of him, and Aoi cups his hands around it, ignoring the way his palms burn. He takes a sip, hoping that it will calm his hunger enough for him to be able to walk home.

“That was shitty of her,” Clover declares as she takes her seat at the table with her mug of tea.

“She knows I won’t hold it against her,” Aoi mumbles.

“Maybe you should,” Clover pushes.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.”

“That’s stupid.”

“She’s all I have left, okay?” Aoi shouts. Clover goes still. “I want to be mad at her. But for the last nine years, I was terrified that she’d disappear if I took my eyes off her. And now— and now, she—”

The Field siblings sit in silence as Aoi lets nine years of anxious tears finally flow. Light reaches out and places a gentle hand on Aoi’s arm. Clover runs and grabs a tissue box. Aoi feels like a fucking fool for crying his eyes out in the Fields’ apartment, but he can’t stop. He should leave. 

Suddenly, Light says, “Aoi, don’t you think perhaps you owe us a few favors for our participation in the second Nonary Game?

“I owe you more than that. I owe you my fucking life,” Aoi responds immediately, but really, he owes them more, because Akane’s life was worth far more than his.

“I do wonder how many favors your life is worth,” Light says with an amused smile. “Well, then, perhaps you could give us your contact information, so we might call those favors in?”

“Ooh, yeah, I like this idea,” Clover says with a mischievous grin, and Aoi can’t help but feel like he’s signing his life away as he puts his phone number and address into Clover’s phone. That’s fine, he has no use for it, anyway.

“Here.” Aoi’s phone buzzes in his pocket as Clover shoots off a text message.

“You better not flood my phone with dumb memes,” Aoi grumbles, and Clover grins devilishly. Well, fuck. “Can I go now? My groceries aren’t gonna walk themselves back to my place.”

“Yes. Of course,” Light says.

“Just remember to check your phone!” Clover coos, waving her own phone for emphasis.

Maybe if Aoi didn’t hate himself so much, he’d feel dread bubbling in his stomach at the sight of the Field siblings looking forward to putting him through the ringer. Instead, Aoi feels nothing, like all that crying hollowed him out. He picks up his grocery bags and leaves their apartment without so much as a goodbye.

~*~

After Aoi leaves, Clover turns to Light with a curious look on her face. “Light—”

“He sounded like he was fifteen again, in the life boat, after we’d seen his sister...” Light trails off, gaze downcast.

“Okay, but he drugged both of us, kidnapped us, stuffed  _ you _ in a coffin, faked your death and almost drove  _ me _ insane, and made us relive the worst nine hours of our life!” Clover says, voice growing louder with each item on the list. “Seriously, Light, how can you feel bad for him?”

Light frowns. Truthfully, he doesn’t know what he was thinking. All he knows is that in that moment, when Aoi was sobbing in front of him, his heart had ached and he’d been overwhelmed by the need to help Aoi. It isn’t logical, really, to feel that way. Not with the nightmares he and Clover have been having every night, nightmares that seem to only get worse with time.

Most nights, Light wants to strangle Aoi and Akane Kurashiki. And yet upon hearing Aoi’s uneven, quick breathing, his hollow voice, his slower-than-usual movements, Light’s anger had crumbled away. Was this… pity? Or something else, perhaps?

“Clover, tell me one thing. Were you telling the truth when you told Aoi that you don’t hate him?” Light asks.

Clover groans. “I… think so? I don’t know! I really wish that there’d been some  _ other _ way to save Akane’s life, and, well, it doesn’t help that Akane just  _ ditched _ us, you know? It feels like I saved the life of a stranger who isn’t even thankful for what we did.”

“Hmm.” Yes, Light’s anger towards Akane is much stronger. But that might have more to do with Junpei’s quickly declining mental health than the actual Nonary Game itself. “Yes, I suppose I feel the same. However, if Aoi is telling the truth, and he doesn’t know where Akane is, that would make him a different sort of victim to the Nonary Game, wouldn’t it? He has also been used and discarded by his sister. How would you feel if I did that to you?”

“Oh.” Clover’s voice trembles slightly just at the thought. “You’re not going to—”

Light shakes his head. “It was an example to illustrate the point. Aoi Kurashiki helped orchestrate the Nonary Game to save the most important person in his life, and that person promptly exited his life without displaying any gratitude. It is natural to feel pity for someone who is facing such circumstances.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Clover sips her tea thoughtfully. “Do you think you can forgive him?”

Light raises an eyebrow. “Surely, you will have more trouble than I.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m gonna make him work for it, for sure,” Clover says mischievously, a grin sliding onto her face. “Aoi’s about to be in a world of pain.”

~*~

The first text message from Clover is a phone number and a set of instructions:

**Clover** : I sent you Junpei’s phone number.   
**Clover** : Let him know that Akane isn’t with you. Maybe it’ll help him with his search.

Aoi sighs and burrows his head under his blanket. Fine. Junpei deserves it after saving Akane’s life, and he was the least likely to report Aoi to the police. Aoi drafts up three separate text messages before he gives up and asks Clover for help. He can practically hear the eye roll in Clover’s response.

**Clover** : You don’t have to write up a whole apology letter or anything, dummy.   
**Clover** : Junpei’s not mad at all about being put through the Nonary Game.

Oh. Aoi probably should have seen that coming. Junpei was obviously head over heels for Akane. Of course he’d forgiven her.

**Aoi** : This is Aoi/Santa. Clover wanted me to let you know that Akane isn’t with me. She left after we had an argument.   
**Aoi** : I have some vague ideas about what she’s doing, but I don’t know where she is. I can email you all the information I’ve got.   
**Junpei** : Aoi? Holy shit, how did Clover find you?   
**Aoi** : I ran into them at the grocery store. Apparently, we live in the same neighborhood.   
**Junpei** : Oh, really? I didn’t know you were in New York, too.   
**Aoi** : That was kind of the point.   
**Junpei** : Oh. Right. Well, thanks, man. Having something to go off would be really helpful. I’m just traveling blindly right now.

Not even a minute later, Aoi gets a notification that he’s been added to a group chat, and he realized just how fucked he is.

_ You have been added to a group chat:  _ **Aoi is our lapdog now.**

**Junpei** : What is this…?   
**Clover** : We found Aoi and he agreed to do whatever we ask him! So if you have any ideas or requests, send ‘em here.   
**Aoi** : What the hell?!   
**Aoi** : I agreed to do favors, not whatever random bullshit you want.   
**Clover** : Well, my request is that you also do what any of us want!   
**Aoi** : I’m not a fucking genie!   
**Seven** : How did you find him?   
**Aoi** : Clover tried to behead me with a Pringles can at the grocery store.   
**Clover** : Heehee, yup! Aoi’s too quick, though. Wouldn’t let me land a hit~   
**Hazuki** : I want a video of you slapping Aoi, or I want to slap him myself the next time I visit the States.   
**Aoi** : Who the fuck is gonna take the video? Light?   
**Clover** : Light says that he’d be happy to slap you while  _ I _ take the video instead. He’ll hit you with his prosthetic arm for extra damage!   
**Hazuki** : Perfect.   
**Junpei** : Please don’t hurt him too badly...   
**Aoi** : No, by all means, send me to the goddamn hospital.   
**Hazuki** : My girls also want a picture of you wearing a pink tutu and a tiara.   
**Aoi** : What the hell? Why?   
**Hazuki** : Does it matter? You put me in a situation where a gun was held to my head, so you owe me.   
**Aoi** : Fine, fine, I’ll wear the goddamn tutu, but I won’t be happy about it!   
**Aoi** : Does anybody else have any stupid shit they want me to do, so I can get it all over with at once?   
**Clover** : Light says you should do a little twirl in the tutu and say, “I’m a little princess” on video.   
**Aoi** : Clover, tell Light I’m going to strangle him.

Aoi tosses his phone across the room and rolls over so that he’s lying face down on the couch. He can’t decide whether he deserves this because of how terrible of a person he is, or if he wants a better life than the one he has— one where Akane is here, and he can be a normal fucking person instead of a criminal on the run. Maybe, he thinks as he drifts off to sleep, he wants both.

~*~

_ You pound on the door with your fists as hard as you can. Your fists are sore and bleeding but you don’t care. Your reason for living is behind that door. You have to get her out, you HAVE to. There isn’t another option. You hear the muffled voice of the announcer saying there’s only one minute left, and then-- _

_ You can’t breathe. _

_ You can’t breathe. _

_ You can’t breathe.  _

_ It’s like you’re being choked to death, except there’s nobody’s hand around your throat. Your heart is beating too fast. Your ears are ringing. You can’t hear anything except for her screams as she slowly, slowly burns to death, and you’re helpless to do anything. Her screams. The last things you’ll ever hear from her. The last… _

_ You’re in the incinerator. You can feel your flesh blistering, crumbling away. You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe. You can’t breathe. It doesn’t matter. All you can focus on is the screams, her pained screams right next to you. You try to hold her tight and your hand goes right through her, as if she never existed to begin with...  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second segment summary: Light has a nightmare where after Ace fails to open the door with Lotus, he tries opening it with Clover and Junpei instead.
> 
> last segment summary: Aoi has a nightmare about Akane burning in the incinerator.


	2. February 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoi runs errands for everyone. This quickly spirals out of his control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Junpei is canonically an alcoholic, and this fic centers heavily on Junpei's self-destructive behavior. If you're triggered by alcoholism/alcohol, it will become increasingly difficult for you to read this fic. As such, I'll put a warning at the top of the chapters that have alcoholism in them, but I'm not going to break down individual sections because it's pretty much impossible to.
> 
> TRIGGERS  
> whole chapter, sprinkled throughout: alcoholism  
> fourth section: kidnapping - skip the whole section

Aoi doesn’t mind being a lapdog as much as he thought he would. He functions at his best when he has a goal to strive toward, and between the Fields, Junpei, Hazuki, and Seven, he is never left without one. Light and Clover Field are fucking heartless; they have absolutely no qualms about asking him to do whatever they want, whenever they want it. Aoi buys their groceries, cooks them meals, cleans their apartment, holds Clover’s bags when she goes clothes shopping, drafts a monthly budget for them— the list is endless. He is at their apartment at least three times a week if not more.

(Aoi also goes to hear Light play his harp any time he can. When Clover asks him about it, he stubbornly insists that it’s a favor to Light. It isn’t.)

Seven and Junpei mostly ask Aoi for intel, which he is happy to provide using the skills he cultivated during the last nine years of digging up Cradle Pharmaceuticals’ secrets. Hazuki’s requests are mostly stupid things that her daughters Ennea and Nona come up with, because apparently they enjoy harassing a guy they hardly know, but some of them are genuine; Hazuki asks him to teach her the basics of the stock market, which leads to him holding an hour long seminar that Light and Seven also attend.

Hazuki is also the reason that his apartment ends up becoming a goddamn hotel. 

Despite being pretty damn rich, Aoi lives in an average-sized one bedroom apartment; Akane had always slept in the bedroom, and Aoi had slept on the couch. Everywhere the two of them had lived, they’d stuck to the one bedroom arrangement, not wanting to waste valuable money that needed to go towards the Nonary Game. When Akane left, she’d cleared out her room entirely, so it was just an empty room with unused furniture. Aoi had slept on the couch for so long that he felt uncomfortable in a bed, so he hadn’t moved into the empty room upon Akane’s sudden departure. 

Once everyone learns this information, it’s over for Aoi; the bedroom is always being used by  _ somebody _ . First, it’s Hazuki, who is visiting New York for a week to visit her daughters. Apparently, they had moved to New York around the same time as the Field siblings to work for SOIS. True to her word, Hazuki slaps Aoi across the face as soon as he opens the door to let her in, with Ennea and Nona standing right behind her taking a video. Luckily, she doesn’t actually seem too angry at him, and aside from scolding him for his shitty diet, she doesn’t infringe on his space much.

Next is Seven, who happens to have a case somewhere else in the U.S. and decides to drop by before he heads back to Japan. Seven is surprisingly tidy, and he even cleans up Aoi’s messes. Seven vacuums and dusts and does all the laundry while Aoi is out running errands for Clover, and he comes back to a much cleaner apartment than before. When Aoi tries to pay him, Seven just grins and says it’s his way of paying Aoi back for staying at his apartment. Aoi rolls his eyes and slips the cash into Seven’s luggage as he’s on his way out. What a soft-hearted dumbass.

(No, Aoi doesn’t miss the feeling of having someone looking after him. He doesn’t secretly enjoy his squabbles with Hazuki about his lifestyle, or the pure kindness that Seven extends to him. They don’t remind him of what it was like to have parents. They don’t. Really.)

Junpei is Aoi’s most sporadic guest at first, dropping in for a day at a time in between his desperate attempts to search for Akane. One day, he brings more with him than usual, and he doesn’t leave after his usual 24 hours. It’s not like he’s bothering Aoi, so Aoi doesn’t ask questions. Junpei isn’t in the apartment all that often, anyway, and when he is, he’s asleep in the bedroom with the door closed. Clover tells Aoi that Junpei doesn’t actually have a place to call home; he got rid of his apartment pretty soon after the Nonary Game because he couldn’t feel safe in a place that he’d been kidnapped in, and he’d been traveling ever since, looking for Akane. 

(Aoi remembers what it was like to be homeless, poor, and jobless. He doesn’t charge Junpei for rent, and he buys any groceries Junpei needs.)

After a week of staying at Aoi’s apartment, Junpei asks Aoi for another favor. There’s bags under his eyes, his cheeks are pale and drawn, his gaze is lifeless. Aoi thinks he smells alcohol. Of course, no wonder Junpei was never around.

If Junpei is an alcoholic now, it’s partly Aoi’s fault, so he doesn’t bring it up. “What do you need?” he asks.

“I want your help figuring out what Akane is doing,” Junpei says quietly. 

In the two months since Akane had been gone, Aoi had never once considered going after her. If Akane didn’t want to be found, she couldn’t be found. Aoi knows this better than anyone. Figuring out what she’s doing, however, won’t be as hard because she told Aoi bits and pieces before she left. “I can try.”

(As Junpei walks away, Aoi thinks that he might have looked as miserable as Junpei does if Clover Field hadn’t thrown a Pringles can at his head. He wonders if Akane saw this timeline, and that’s why she thought it was okay to leave him behind.

It doesn’t ease the anger or pain at all. If anything, he’s now angrier at the person who used to be his sister.)

~*~

Aoi only tries once to cut Junpei off from the alcohol.

He enters Junpei’s room during the day, while the man is sleeping, and collects the empty bottles strewn all over the floor. There’s a mini fridge in the room (when the fuck did that get there?), and it’s predictably packed with various types of alcohol. Aoi kneels down to unplug it, and a sluggish hand grabs his wrist. He turns to the bed to find Junpei, face down, reaching out to stop him.

“Dude, you’re drinking  _ way _ too much,” Aoi says.

“I know,” Junpei says quietly, barely audible since he’s mumbling into his pillow.

“Then talk to someone about it, or work through it, or something! You can’t just keep drinking to forget,” Aoi says and wonders when he turned into a fucking mom.

Junpei turns his head to face Aoi, and there are tears in his red-rimmed, desperate, almost crazed eyes. “Please.”

_ This is your fault, _ Aoi reminds himself.  _ This is all your fucking fault. You forced this guy to save your sister, and now his whole life is ruined _ .

Aoi takes a deep breath before his panic can take hold. “Tell me what hurts so damn bad that you have to drink this much booze, and I’ll leave it for now.”

Junpei doesn’t respond for a long time, and Aoi almost turns to leave, but finally, he speaks. “I keep seeing them. All the other ways things could go. All the ways we could have died.”

Aoi goes still.

“When we resonated, she… changed something. Somehow. And they won’t go away.” Junpei sounds so tortured, so broken. Three months have passed since the Nonary Game. How long has he been suffering alone?

Junpei buries his head in his pillow again, as if he cannot bear to look at Aoi. Aoi wonders which dead version of him Junpei is seeing.

There are a lot of things Aoi wants to say, but none of them feel right, so he squeezes Junpei’s shoulder lightly and leaves the room with the empty bottles he’d collected.

~*~

Light is surprised when he receives a text from Aoi. People rarely text him, given the fact that he’s blind, but his phone does have the appropriate screen reader technology for him to read text messages. Clover is in the shower, but he plugs in his headphones anyway just in case and taps his screen to read out the message.

**Aoi** : Hypothetically, if you ruined someone’s life on accident, and they started developing bad habits, would you be more of a jerk for trying to stop those bad habits or for letting them live the way they wanted to?

Light chuckles softly. Aoi has never been good at subtlety.

**Light** : It depends on the habit, but you would have to make an objective assessment of whether their life is better or worse without this bad habit involved. Typically, bad habits are considered to be bad because they are dangerous or otherwise lower one’s quality of life.   
**Aoi** : Fuck. Okay. I’ll think about it. Thanks.   
**Light** : I’m obligated to ask, but are you the one who has adopted bad habits? Clover tells me that you look as though you have lost weight.   
**Aoi** : I’m trying. I swear. It’s just hard.   
**Aoi** : I don’t like cooking just for myself. It just reminds me that she’s not here.   
**Light** : Perhaps you should partake in all of your meals here. I certainly wouldn’t complain. Your cooking is quite lovely.

There’s a long pause before Aoi responds, and the ends of Light’s lips quirk upwards. Aoi is predictable and easily flustered.

**Aoi** : You’re a fucking asshole.   
**Light** : What, for complimenting your cooking?   
**Aoi** : It’s your fault I have to do all these stupid chores and favors.   
**Light** : Ah, that is true. You are welcome to despise me.   
**Aoi** : I’m gonna teach Clover to cook so I don’t have to do so much goddamn work.   
**Light** : That is an excellent idea. I would like to learn as well, although my ventures in cooking thus far have yielded mixed results.   
**Aoi** : You can still learn the recipes. With your ridiculous tastebuds, you’ll be able to cook things with a deeper palette.   
**Aoi** : Uh, anyway, I gotta go help Junpei with something. Don’t burn your apartment down trying to cook, got it?   
**Light** : I will do my best to avoid that outcome.

Light cannot help but smile as he tucks his phone away. 

~*~

_ You open the door to your apartment. You live alone, so nobody should be there, but you go ahead and say “I’m home!” anyway. It’s somewhat late at night, so the apartment is dark enough that you can’t see much, but there’s not really much in your apartment, anyway. You notice that the curtains are still open… did you leave them that way? You go over to the window to take a look. In the reflection, there’s a gas mask— fuck, it’s behind you— your chest tightens and you try to run, but already your knees are caving and your vision is going dark— _

_ You’re at school. It’s the last day of the term, so you’ll finally be done with this bullshit and get a break you very desperately need. You open the door to the building that your last class is in, and then— There’s a gloved hand gripping your shoulder, pulling you backwards, and try as you may, you can’t manage to escape— Someone hits you over the head... _

_ You’re walking home from work. Nowhere is safe. Nowhere is safe. You look over your shoulder every few steps. You can feel it. You’re being watched. You can’t escape. You smell the Soporil before you see the person who threw the canister, and it’s happening again— _

_ You’re in your apartment. You know what’s coming before it happens. You can’t be safe even in your own home. You turn around to face the person in the gas mask. “Akane…” You reach out and nobody is there and you’re breathing in Soporil again... _

~*~

Aoi has not slept for three days. He is subsisting purely off of energy drinks now, which is probably not the smartest idea, but he doesn’t care right now. Three days ago, he finally got a lead. Akane has been storing some of her findings on the Crash Keys computers, and she didn’t change the password. The sight of those files that he didn’t create— that she had to have put there— fills Aoi with relief. She’s alive, she’s alive, she’s  _ alive _ . And for whatever reason, she didn’t lock Aoi out.

Akane has been researching Free the Soul, a cult-like organization that wants to bring about the eradication of the human race. There is practically nothing on the Internet about Free the Soul, so Aoi and Junpei comb through Akane’s files together, occasionally taking note of things that they should look into in more detail. Akane wasn’t so foolish as to store her actual plans on the Crash Key servers, so they don’t know where she is or what exactly she’s doing, but it’s a start. Free the Soul. Brother. Connections to Cradle Pharmaceutical. Aoi spends all of his time running errands and doing research.

Akane has also left the credentials for the investment accounts for Crash Keys untouched, so Aoi starts paying attention to the market again and investing where appropriate. Damn Akane for relying on him to make money for her schemes, but Aoi isn’t going to let her down. Maybe she thought he would change his mind and even join her? Aoi cannot deny that his urge to follow her trail is driven partly by the desire to see her again. But no, he doesn’t think he could join her, at least not directly in the field. He wants a normal life for a change. He wants it for her, too, but it’s clear that she has bigger plans.

He’s angry and hurt, but he also loves her, and some small part of him hopes that if he helps her, she’ll come back sooner.

~*~

Light receives a phone call from Junpei at two in the morning. If it had been anyone else, he would have scolded them or even ignored the call, but Junpei hasn’t called or texted in the group chat for at least a week. If he’s calling Light now, it must be important.

“Junpei?” Light says as he picks up the phone.

Junpei’s voice is breathless and heavily slurred. “Aoi collapsed an’ I dunno what t’ do.”

“Are you drunk? Is  _ he _ drunk?” Light asks, already moving to grab his jacket. Luckily, he hadn’t changed out of his clothes after work today, so he was already ready to go.

“He’s not.” Junpei pauses, then with shame, adds, “I am.”

“How much have you had to drink?”

“I don’... I dunno,” Junpei says quietly. 

Light sighs and adds alcohol poisoning to the list of current concerns. “Clover and I will be right there. Can you give me more details?” Light runs up to Clover’s door and knocks on it loudly. Inside, he can hear Clover yelling at him to go away and let her sleep, but he ignores it.

“Um… I dunno, he was jus’ sittin’ here workin’ and he got up t’ do somethin’ an’ I heard ‘im fall.” Junpei’s voice is getting weaker, like he’s struggling to stay awake. Light wonders just how drunk he is.

Clover opens the door just in time to hear Light ask, “Are there any noticeable wounds? Does he look hurt?” He hears the sound of Junpei rummaging on the other end.

“Is who hurt? What’s going on?” Clover asks, rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyes.

“Aoi collapsed and Junpei is not in any state to take care of him,” Light hisses, covering the mouthpiece on his phone. Clover dashes away from the door to get dressed.

“No… no blood. I think. He’s still breathing. He fell on th’ tile though, so maybe a con-concosh-concussion?” Junpei says.

“Okay. Can you roll him onto his back and monitor for any bruises forming?” Light says as slowly as he can, emphasizing each word so Junpei can comprehend what he’s saying.

“Yeah, I’ll— I’ll watch over ‘im.”

Clover runs out of her room carrying some sort of bag, maybe a first aid kit? Light can’t tell just from the sound. She gives his hand a gentle tug, and he follows her to the door to put his shoes on. “Wonderful. We will be there in ten minutes.”

“Thanks. Light. ‘N’ Clover. I’m sorry.”

Junpei hangs up before Light can say anything else. He sighs, pockets his phone, and follows Clover out the door.

“So,” Clover says as they walk briskly down the stairs and out onto the sidewalk, “Aoi collapsed? Do we know why?”

“Unfortunately not, although I imagine that he has not been taking the best care of himself,” Light answers. It’s quiet outside, so it’s easy to follow the sound of Clover’s footsteps.

Clover pauses for a moment. “You know, he’s been cooking for us all week, but I don’t think he’s eaten any of what he’s made.”

“That would certainly explain it.” Light sighs. “What does that fool think that skipping meals will accomplish?”

“I dunno. You’re more like him than I am. Why would  _ you _ skip meals?” Clover asks.

Light takes a moment to consider the question. “Perhaps if I forgot to eat them?”

“That is the dumbest answer I’ve ever heard.”

“And yet it would fit Aoi perfectly, don’t you think?”

The rest of their walk is quiet and hurried. It’s fortunate that Aoi lives nearby, so the walk doesn’t take too long. They have to knock on the door multiple times before Junpei opens it. When he does, it’s clear to see why: Light can tell from his heavy, slow breathing that he’s practically asleep, and the smell of alcohol on him is clear as day. In fact, the whole apartment reeks of it.

“Oh my god. Junpei, please tell me you didn’t drink all of that tonight,” Clover says, horrified, presumably looking at a large number of bottles or cans.

“I don’... think I did,” Junpei says slowly, stumbling back into the apartment and confirming Light’s hypothesis that there are glass bottles and aluminum cans scattered all over the floor.

“Clover, I presume I will need help navigating this mess,” Light says.

“You can say that again,” Clover grumbles, taking Light by the arm and slowly leading him into the apartment. Light shuts the door and locks it behind them.

“What the hell, Junpei? Don’t drink  _ more _ of that shit!” Clover shouts suddenly, and for a brief moment, she leaves Light’s side. Junpei stumbles backwards and slides down a wall so he’s sitting. He’s grumbling something incoherent. Clover takes Light by the arm again and a few seconds later says, “Sit. Aoi’s here, on the ground.” She places his hands in Aoi’s so that Light can feel out his location.

“Thank you. Does he have any bruises?” Light asks.

“Hmm…” Clover pauses for a moment. “I think maybe he broke his fall with his knees, they’re starting to bruise.”

“Ah, then he may have avoided hitting his head too hard,” Light says, and the worry in his stomach eases a bit. “I’ll trust you to look him over, if that’s all right.”

“Sure thing,” Clover says, and Light is suddenly grateful that they both have first aid training. A small precaution they took after being kidnapped the first time. “Hey! Junpei! What do you think you’re doing? Put that bottle down before I have to take it from you myself!”

“Jus’ a li’l more,” Junpei moans.

“Junpei, why are you drunk?” Light asks calmly with the patience of a saint.

“None of y’r bus’ness,” Junpei says stubbornly, and takes another swig of whatever he’s holding.

Light waits. He knows just from experience that Clover is glaring at Junpei, wearing him down.

“Akane fucked up my head,” he says finally. “This’s th’ only way it stops. I wan’ it to  _ stop _ .”

Light knows he’s taking advantage of Junpei’s state of being to get information, but he’s doing it to help him, so he presses on. “What do you mean? What did Akane do?”

“Can’t… can’t sleep. I see all… all th’ timelines. You ‘n’ Clover dead, you’ve got holes through you— stabbed by a knife, burned to death, dead, dead, dead!” Junpei wails, voice getting louder as he speaks. “I can’t stop it. It won’t go away. Akane’s dead, everyone’s dead, there’s blood everywhere. I want it to  **_stop_ ** .”

Light carefully walks towards where he thinks Junpei is, based on his loud sobbing. He finds the wall first, and then Junpei, curled up next to it. He sits down next to Junpei and gently strokes his hair. “We’re alive. I’m right here. We’re all here.”

“You’re— you die, it’s my fault, it’s—”

“Shhhh.” Light wraps his arms around Junpei and Junpei leans in to the touch instantly, sobbing even louder. Light rubs his back gently. “You’re okay. It’s okay.”

He stays like that until Junpei’s crying turns into snoring. Clover stands up and begins gathering glass bottles off the floor.

“Ugh, there’s energy drinks everywhere, too. Aoi, you idiot!” she grumbles as she works.

Light laughs softly. “You can scold him all you want when he wakes. He’s all right, I assume?”

“Yeah, nothing to worry about. Still, I think we should stay the night.  _ Clearly _ , these two can’t be trusted on their own,” Clover says in disgust.

“I agree. You may have the bed, and I will take the couch,” Light suggests.

“No argument here. The idiots can sleep on the floor.”

“You’ll have to show me where the couch is, I’m afraid,” Light says gently.

“Yeah, yeah, gimme a moment. Here.” Clover sends an image of the living room to him. They’ve been working hard on strengthening their connection to each other through the morphic fieldset (since they keep getting  _ kidnapped _ ), so the image is quite crisp and clear.

“You’ve improved a lot,” Light says, and he can practically hear Clover beaming with pride.

For a man with a lot of money, Aoi doesn’t have a lot of furniture. The living room has a couch, a coffee table, and a TV. It turns out Light is already quite close to the couch. He stands up and follows the wall to the couch, then feels his way around to make sure he doesn’t lie down on top of anything. There are already sheets and a pillow on the couch, so Light tucks himself in. They smell like Aoi.

Light waits until the clinking of bottles and crinkling of cans has stopped. “Clover, are you going to bed?” Light asks. He is quite tired after the night’s events, but he doesn’t want to leave her alone

“Yup. All done cleaning up, for now. I might change the sheets on the bed first, but then I’ll sleep. You don’t need to wait up for me,” Clover says with a yawn.

Light knows he doesn’t have to wait for her, but he does anyway. He listens to her turn off the lights, walk to the other room, change the sheets on the bed, flush the toilet in the bathroom. When he can’t hear anything else, he finally lets himself fall asleep.

~*~

Aoi wakes up to a whole lot of noise that doesn’t belong in his apartment. Clover’s singing something far away, and there’s something cooking on the stove… maybe pancakes, based on the smell. Actually, the apartment is distinctly missing the smell of alcohol that usually lingers in the air, and… wait, why was  _ Clover _ here? Who let her in? Junpei is usually asleep during the day. Did he let them in? And why is he on the floor?

“Finally awake, are we?” Light’s condescending voice comes from somewhere behind him, and Aoi sits up slowly. His whole body aches for some reason, especially his knees. “You slept like a baby straight through the night and most of the morning. But that would be natural, given how little sleep you’ve been getting recently, right?”

Fuck. “What do you mean?” Aoi says, blinking away the last of his sleep. Oh, man, he’s so tired. He almost wants to just go back to sleep, but he needs to figure out what’s going on, first.

“Aoi Kurashiki, do  _ not _ play dumb with us, or you’ll regret it!” Clover calls from the kitchen, interrupting her humming.

“Ow, ow, please don’t yell,” Junpei mumbles, and Aoi raises an eyebrow upon seeing him sitting at the table with his head down. He has dark bags under his eyes, and he looks like a zombie. The fact that he’s even awake is surprising as it is. And, wait, where did all the bottles go? Did Clover and Light clean them up?

“Aoi, it is evident from the sheer number of energy drink cans that we recycled this morning that you have been neglecting sleep,” Light says calmly, but not in a nice way. It’s more like the calm before the storm. Aoi braces himself. “In fact, you’ve been skipping meals and rest so much that you collapsed last night out of sheer exhaustion, and Clover and I had to come take care of you at two in the morning. You are lucky you did not hit your head.”

Aoi glances over at Junpei, who looks up long enough to say, “Sorry, dude. I freaked out and called them.”

“I don’t think you should apologize, Junpei. If you hadn’t called us, Aoi might’ve kept going until he had to go to the ER!” Clover says cheerfully, sliding a plate of pancakes onto the table in front of Junpei. “Now, eat,” she says, her tone making it clear that this was an order, not a request.

Junpei groans and buries his head in his folded arms on the table.

“Junpei, you need  _ food _ ,” Clover presses.

“If I eat anything right now, I’m going to vomit,” Junpei insists, voice muffled slightly. “Please. My head is killing me.”

Clover sighs. “Fine, give them to Aoi.”

“Here, let me help you,” Light says, extending a hand to Aoi. Aoi doesn’t take it at first, but the moment he tries to stand, his knees buckle and he finds himself leaning on Light. His whole body is shaking, and his vision is starting to go gray. Damn, how did he not notice how  _ tired _ he was? “Don’t you dare faint again.”

“I’m… trying,” Aoi manages, putting a hand to his forehead as if that will somehow chase away the dots in his vision. Light leads him over to the table, where he practically collapses into a chair. “Ugh. Thanks.”

Light smirks. “At this rate, we might have to feed you.”

“Hell no,” Aoi says immediately, snatching the plate from Junpei. He forces himself to take a bite of the pancake, ignoring the nausea and dizziness that have overtaken him. “What time is it?”

“It is a quarter to eleven in the morning. You have been unconscious for eight hours and forty-five minutes, assuming Junpei called me immediately after you fainted,” Light says. The table only has two chairs, so he stands and leans against the nearby wall. “I wonder what was so important that you could not stop to eat or sleep.” There’s that annoying smugness again.

“Asshole. You already know the answer, don’t you?” Aoi says wearily.

“Perhaps.” Light allows himself a small smile. “I would like to hear it from you nonetheless.”

Aoi sighs. “It’s Akane. We were investigating a lead. There, happy?”

“No, of course not! You’re both idiots,” Clover declares as she places a glass of water in front of Aoi and another plate of pancakes in front of Junpei. 

“Mmm… too loud…” Junpei mumbles.

Clover sighs. “You don’t need to eat now, but you should at some point.”

Junpei raises his head, takes one look at the pancakes, and swallows hard. “Nope. Not… not happening,” he says weakly. He holds his head in his hands, and closes his eyes.

“I am curious to know why Akane’s resonant event with you has triggered a sudden strength in your connection to the morphogenetic field. Perhaps she simply awakened the patent power within you,” Light muses.

“Wait. What did I say last night? How much did I tell you?” Junpei says, panic evident in his voice.

“You’ll never know,” Clover says with a shit-eating grin.

“You mumble in your sleep. Did you know that?” Light adds, a similarly devilish smile on his face.

The Field siblings, Aoi thinks, are a dangerous pair. “I bet they’re just fucking with you, Junpei,” Aoi says casually. He’s trying to eat slowly because he has experienced firsthand how painful it can be to eat a lot all at once after starving for multiple days, but god, he really was hungry.

“You’ll never know,” Clover repeats, and she ducks as Junpei very poorly aims a punch in her direction.

“You guys are ruthless,” Junpei whines.

“Perhaps we would not be if you were more careful,” Light responds.

Junpei slumps in his chair, defeated. “Fair enough, I guess. We’re a fucking mess.”

“Yes, well, in that regard, Clover and I have a proposal for you both, actually,” Light says, standing up straight. “How would you feel about living with us?”

“Is Clover going to yell at me every day?” Junpei asks, gesturing to where Clover is glaring at him.

“Eat your pancakes,” Clover responds, and Junpei frowns but finally puts a small piece in his mouth.

“Hmm, I cannot say for sure. However, it is clear that the two of you cannot be trusted to live alone or with each other unsupervised. Should we live together, you may both continue your investigation while also being forced to lead a somewhat healthier lifestyle,” Light explains.

Aoi is actually not opposed to this idea. It would make running errands for Clover much easier, and, well, it would be nice not to be alone. But he has to give Light shit, because that’s what he does. “You’re just suggesting this because you want to eat my cooking all the time.”

“That may be an influencing factor,” Light concedes.

“Would I have to pay rent? Because, uh, I’m kind of broke right now,” Junpei says sheepishly.

“Then get a  _ job _ , Junpei,” Clover says, and Junpei winces.

“I’ll… try,” he says quietly, and Clover doesn’t push him further.

“I’ll pay your share until you can pay it yourself,” Aoi offers.

“You should pay our share, too,” Clover says slyly.

Aoi rolls his eyes. “You know what? Fine. That’s fine with me. But if I’m doing that, then you guys had better actually keep the place  _ clean _ .”

“Oh, because  _ this _ apartment was the spitting image of cleanliness last night,” Clover says with a scowl.

“We will do our share of the chores,” Light cuts in. “Although to be quite frank, our jobs with SOIS do keep us quite busy. You will have the apartment to yourself most of the time.”

“Are you guys…” Junpei lets out a shaky breath. “Are you guys okay with living with me even though I’m… I drink a lot?”

“Junpei, you’re an idiot,” Clover says firmly.

“What Clover means to say is that regardless of any drinking problem you may have, you are still our friend, and we wish to provide you the support you need,” Light says gently.

“And I already live with you, so clearly it doesn’t bother me,” Aoi points out.

“Oh. Okay.” Junpei’s gaze drops to his pancakes, and there are tears in his eyes. Clover gingerly places her arms around Junpei’s waist, careful not to squish him too badly with her hug.

“I made you  _ pancakes _ and I picked up all those stupid bottles. Isn’t it obvious that I care about you?” Clover whispers. Junpei nods but doesn’t speak, tears threatening to spill at any moment.

“If we’re all in agreement, then Aoi and I will handle the logistics.” Light glances down at Aoi and adds, “Once Aoi is no longer teetering at the brink of life and death, that is.”

“Oh, fuck off, you asshole. I’m  _ fine _ . I just need a day or two,” Aoi says, but there’s no strength to his words; he’s far too tired. He’s starting to nod off at the table. “I don’t think I can finish these right now. I’m so goddamn tired.”

“Go back to sleep, then, silly,” Clover says.

“Do you need help?” Light asks, and Aoi wishes he could say no, but his hands are still trembling.

“Yeah. Sorry.” Aoi stands up slower this time and leans on Light for support as he dizzily makes his way over to the couch.

As soon as Aoi’s head hits his pillow, he begins to drift off. His last thought before sleep takes him is that his blanket smells strangely like Light’s cologne.

~*~

Group Chat:  **Aoi is our lapdog now.**

**Clover** : Say goodbye to Hotel Kurashiki! Aoi and Junpei are moving in with us ;)   
**Hazuki** : Good god.   
**Hazuki** : That sounds very chaotic.   
**Aoi** : I already practically live at their place with how many fucking errands Clover has me running.   
**Light** : Might I suggest you refer to the name of this group chat if you’ve forgotten your place?   
**Aoi** : Light, I’m gonna poison your dinner tonight.   
**Junpei** : Please don’t. Light’s supposed to help me with something tonight.   
**Seven** : Ha ha, you guys are as lively as ever. We’ll have to come visit.   
**Clover** : Oh,  _ we _ ?   
**Seven** : Uh...   
**Aoi** : Come on, Seven. It’s obvious as hell that you and Hazuki are a thing.   
**Hazuki** : I never said we weren’t.   
**Clover** : FINALLY!!   
**Seven** : Yeah, we didn’t mean to hide it or nothing. We’re just taking things at our own pace.   
**Hazuki** : Actually, we were thinking of moving out to the States so we could be closer to Nona and Ennea, since it looks like they’re staying there for the long term.   
**Clover** : OMG that’s so exciting!   
**Clover** : Don’t live in New York, though. It’s so expensive.   
**Clover** : Not that that’s a problem for Aoi, hehe   
**Aoi** : Hey, this is hard earned money, okay? And don’t complain, I’m paying all your living expenses.   
**Hazuki** : Oh? How come you’re giving money to Clover, Light, and Junpei, and not to us?   
**Aoi** : I’m sure I’m gonna regret this, but I can pay for your shit, too. Just lemme know the logistics.   
**Hazuki** : How sweet of you.   
**Aoi** : Shut up, old hag.   
**Hazuki** : I’m going to kill you :)

~*~

Aoi spends the rest of the month packing up everything he owns (which is not a lot), everything Junpei owns (which is even less), and everything the Field siblings own (which is a lot more). Junpei continues to investigate their leads on Akane; he takes a job at a detective firm that Seven recommends because it will give him access to more information. Since Aoi is the only one without a real job, all the packing falls to him. It’s not fair, but he doesn’t complain. The manual labor forces him to eat well, and it keeps his mind off of everything else.

They move into a three bedroom apartment, with Aoi and Junpei sharing a room. Junpei turns his bedroom into an office for the two of them to work in together. There’s enough space for two beds in the room, but Aoi insists that he sleep on the couch. They do put one bed in the room, though soon enough, it would lay unused by both him and Junpei. Light and Clover mostly keep their rooms the same as they’d been before, and they share the master bath because, in Clover’s words, it would be wasted on Junpei and Aoi (and really, she isn’t wrong). Aoi sells all of his furniture because the Fields’ couch is larger and more comfortable, and the Fields’ TV is not as old.

As a detective, Junpei constantly works dangerous cases on the front lines. Sometimes, he is gone for days at a time. Light throws himself into composing harp music, and his performances are usually late at night, so his sleep schedule is all screwed up. Clover works as a cocktail waitress, so she has a similar problem. That leaves Aoi to make sure things don’t fall apart. And really, that’s his specialty, anyway. Sure, he’s still doing his own investigation and he’s managing Crash Keys’ finances from afar, but he can do that on his own time, after everyone is asleep. During the day, he’s a goddamn house wife, and he’s paying for the full price of the apartment, too, so it’s not a fair deal at all.

But it feels nice to be (kind of) a parent again, almost. To have someone to take care of, someone who cares about you, someone to live for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of the fourth section: Someone has a nightmare that reflects their fear of getting kidnapped and an increasing inability to feel safe anywhere.


	3. March 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoi refuses to jaywalk, Clover screams into a pillow, Junpei realizes his feelings are complicated, Junpei looks into the camera like he's on the office, and Light has a much-needed talk with Aoi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the slice of life we deserved but never received. I had a lot of fun writing this, so I hope it's fun to read, too!
> 
> TRIGGERS
> 
> \- first segment: mention of murder (brief)  
> \- second segment: discussion of murder (skip from "Why did they even leave him alive" down to "I imagine Aoi did not want")  
> \- third segment: death, blood, gore (skip this whole section, I'll put a summary at the bottom)  
> \- last segment: suicidal ideation, kind of? it's not anything concrete, but one of the characters shows a clear lack of regard for their own life (skip from "Do you have any regard for your own life" to "I think you should give yourself more credit")

Group Chat: **Aoi is our lapdog now.**

 **Clover** : I’m publicly shaming Aoi for refusing to jaywalk while we were walking home from the store   
**Aoi** : Jaywalking is a fucking crime and the last thing I need is to be arrested!   
**Light** : Aoi does bring up an excellent point. Should the police connect him to the incident last November, he would be in jail for life.   
**Aoi** : and then you’d have to cook your own meals   
**Clover** : oh that’s terrifying I take it all back   
**Hazuki** : So, Aoi, does this mean you’re not going to break _any_ laws?   
**Seven** : I’m just going to pretend I can’t see this conversation   
**Aoi** : I don’t like where this is going. Yes, I have to follow the goddamn law.   
**Hazuki** : No more pirating movies or music?   
**Aoi** : who needs to pirate music when Light plays the harp every fucking day   
**Light** : You could admit that you like it, you know.   
**Aoi** : fuck off   
**Hazuki** : And you’re going to read the terms and services for every contract you sign?   
**Aoi** : I already do that because I can’t afford to be fucked over by some corporation because of a small clause in the ToS   
**Clover** : oh wow aoi you’re more hardcore than I thought   
**Seven** : Yeah, even I don’t read all that fine print   
**Hazuki** : But Aoi, aren’t you living under a false identity? That’s a crime.   
**Aoi** : kind of hard to hide a big crime without committing some smaller ones   
**Clover** : so you’re just not breaking laws where you think you’ll get caught   
**Aoi** : yeah   
**Clover** : but you’re okay with murder?   
**Aoi** : Clover you know goddamn well that i’m not okay with murder   
**Aoi** : it was ONE TIME   
**Light** : Actually, it was three.   
**Seven** : And it was premeditated, which is even more serious of a crime.   
**Aoi** : fuck all of you it was for a good reason, i didn’t have a choice   
**Clover** : so murder’s okay if you have a good reason?   
**Aoi** : clover i’m going to kill you   
**Light** : Ah, but that would make it four murders. You may want to reconsider.   
**Aoi** : it’s about to become five

~*~

As Light walks by Clover’s room, he hears muffled screaming. Well, that probably isn’t good. “Clover? May I come in?” Light says, and he knocks on the door for good measure.

“Yeah,” Clover calls, voice still muffled.

Light opens the door and Clover begins screaming again, presumably into a pillow or something that absorbs sound well. Light follows the noise over to her bed and sits down on the edge. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?” Clover asks.

“Well, I am no scientist, but generally, people do not scream when they are all right,” Light says wittily. 

Clover sighs. “I’m just... angry! Why does Aoi have to be such a good person? It’s really hard to hate him when he’s just so... nice! And why does the world hate Junpei so much? The poor guy needs a break. Oh, and why do we keep getting pulled back into stuff relating to morphogenetic field theory? Can’t we just live normal lives?”

“Hmm. That is quite a lot to be angry about all at once.”

Clover screams into her pillow again.

“Well, let’s take things one at a time. First, Aoi. Have you forgiven him?”

Clover sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe? If I forgive _him_ , then who do I blame for the Second Nonary Game?”

“Hongou,” Light says, his voice shaking despite his best efforts. He has never held so much hate for one person as he does for Hongou. But he’s scared of Hongou, too; nine years isn’t enough to shake off old trauma. He cannot deny that he spent every moment of the Second Nonary Game terrified that Gentarou Hongou would somehow hurt Clover.

“Fuck him,” Clover says. She rarely curses, but Light thinks it’s appropriate for this situation.

“Agreed.”

“Why did they even leave him alive? They should’ve killed him, too,” Clover grumbles.

“Dead men tell no tales,” Light says, and he fully expects it when Clover hits him with a pillow. “What? If you and Junpei are going to force me to sit through those awful old movies, the least I can do is remember them.”

“Pirates of the Carribean is a _great_ movie. Its sequels are garbage, though,” Clover says.

“If you want a more serious answer, consider when the opportunity to kill Hongou would arise. He had to be alive to kill Musashidou in the captain’s quarters, and then Aoi needed his bracelet to get through the number nine door. If Aoi had killed Hongou in the chapel, I doubt we would have let him run free,” Light explains.

“Okay, so that leaves after we went through the number nine door, then.” Clover frowns. “Oh, but Hongou was also Aoi’s and Akane’s excuse to leave the incinerator. They totally _could_ have killed him, though.”

Light shakes his head. “Junpei did not see Hongou get murdered in the incinerator, so it could not happen. After that, her connection with Junpei was severed. If Aoi had killed Hongou after removing him from the incinerator, it would have been his choice rather than an adherence to the timeline.”

“Oh.” Clover sighs. “I guess Aoi didn’t want more blood on his hands, huh?”

“I imagine that Aoi did not want any blood on his hands to begin with. He is clearly haunted by the things he had to do to keep his sister alive,” Light says grimly.

Clover groans and flops back down onto the bed. “Life isn’t fair!”

“It certainly is not,” Light says, seeing no reason to comfort Clover with lies.

“Have _you_ forgiven Aoi?” Clover asks.

“Hmm.” Light takes a moment to consider the question. “I am certainly grateful for everything Aoi does for us now, and I do believe that at his core, Aoi is a good person. However, I do not think I have forgiven him quite yet. The wounds are still too raw, so to speak.”

“I wonder if Aoi was just as freaked out about being back in that building as we were,” Clover thinks aloud. “I mean, I know he built all the puzzles, but…”

Light’s mind wanders back to the First Nonary Game. His memories are somewhat contradictory, as he recalls hearing Akane burn to death. Perhaps it was simply a quirk of the timeline to have conflicting memories when it’s uncertain whether an event will occur or not.

“Are you still angry at Aoi?” Light asks.

“I think so, but not as much as I used to be. _Akane_ , on the other hand…” Clover’s tone darkens instantly. “How dare she act all lovey-dovey with Junpei on the ship and then just leave without a trace! Junpei didn’t deserve that at all.”

“It seems as though she manipulated his love for her to create a resonant event, then discarded him once she was done using him,” Light says bitterly. He, too, is furious with Akane. Junpei and Aoi both continue to throw their lives away for her, and she doesn’t give them anything in return. “I suppose this is what you mean when you say the world hates Junpei?”

“Yeah. I don’t know what greater good Akane’s working for, but it’s the world’s fault for having things that Akane finds more important than Junpei,” Clover says angrily.

Light chuckles. “I suppose that is one way to view things.”

“It’s also the world’s fault that we can’t escape this stupid morphogenetic field. I can’t believe we got asked by _the government_ to work for them. I just want to live out my life without worrying about all this dangerous stuff,” Clover says dejectedly.

“I would like that as well,” Light agrees. 

He and Clover had turned down the offer to join SOIS initially, but Seven had messaged them afterwards saying that the group of people SOIS is looking for is the same group of people that Akane is tracking. While Light has absolutely no desire to help Akane, he does want to bring her back as soon as possible so Junpei can stop declining even further into despair. He still doesn’t know if he wants to reconsider the offer. It’s a tough decision to make.

“Everything’s so hard. Normal eighteen year olds don’t have to think about these things,” Clover whines. Then, she takes a deep breath and sits up. “Okay. I’m done complaining. Thanks for listening, Light. I feel a lot better now.”

“I am happy to listen to you any time. It is far better than listening to Aoi complain,” Light says with a small smile.

Clover giggles. “Aoi’s complaining is funny, though.”

“To each their own.”

“You know you can talk to me, too?” Clover says, nudging Light’s shoulder.

“Of course.” Light does tell his sister almost everything, but he doesn’t want her to worry about him too much, so he rarely voices his troubles. She’s far too clever and usually figures out his problems quite easily even when he tries to hide them, but that does not stop him from trying.

Aoi, Junpei, and Akane. Those were the three problems on his mind, too. Well, really, there’s only one problem, with multiple sub-problems. He does not particularly wish to solve the problem, but it is still unpleasant to watch Aoi and Junpei struggle. 

Perhaps things would be better if Akane had died in the incinerator.

~*~

_You walk into the shower room, and instantly the smell hits you. You can’t even see yet; darkness cloaks the room. Dread fills your stomach, and you know— The lights come on. You can’t even look. You don’t need to. You already know what you’ll see. Your brother’s clothes, bathed in blood. His guts, strewn across the wall. His bracelet, cracked on the ground. He’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone—_

_You’re in the large hospital room. The REDs have their parts and everyone is standing around confused. No, no, no— You bolt towards the number 3 door. You don’t have time for this. Maybe you can save him, maybe— You hear the RED beep three times, but you don’t see who scanned their bracelets. You don’t care. As soon as the door opens, you’re racing through it, down the hall to the shower room_ —

_You don’t have to go any farther. You can already smell it. He’s dead._

_In the large hospital room again. The REDs are missing their parts. Your brother is still there, alive. Everyone begins to walk away, splitting up to search the hallway, and you run towards him, but no matter how fast you run, you can’t catch him, and then— He explodes. His blood splatters your face, his skin tears apart, his flesh flops to the ground in large chunks— Your mind goes blank..._

~*~

Aoi nearly jumps off the couch when he hears the apartment door open at 5pm. Clover just left for work, and Light’s about to leave. Junpei is _never_ home this early, but sure enough, it’s Junpei who walks through the door looking like an empty shell.

“You’re home early,” Aoi says, raising an eyebrow.

“Slow day at work,” Junpei says wearily. He walks over to the couch and Aoi scoots over so Junpei can sit down. Junpei leans against the back of the couch and dozes off almost instantly. Aoi pulls out his laptop and checks the stock market closing numbers.

“Fuck!” Junpei shouts suddenly, and Aoi nearly drops his laptop.

“What the hell, Junpei?”

“Sorry. Sorry. Nightmare.” Junpei rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Fuck, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Sorry.”

“You just startled me. It’s fine.” Aoi closes his laptop. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Junpei pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his forehead on his knees. “I don’t know. Let me think.”

Aoi waits. He’s getting pretty good at that.

“I think…” Junpei sighs heavily. “I think I’m starting to hate Akane.”

Aoi laughs. He can’t help it. “You’re _starting_ to hate Akane? Oh, man, Junpei. You have every reason to hate my sister. We all do.”

“M-maybe that’s true,” Junpei stutters, “but I guess— I don’t know, I think I still… love her, too.”

“Welcome to the club,” Aoi says drily. “But that’s why you’re searching for her, right? So you can figure out how you really feel?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Junpei sighs again. “But I feel like a bad person for hating her when I don’t even know how she feels.”

Aoi runs a hand through his hair absentmindedly. “It’s hard to know what’s real and what’s an act with Akane, but I can tell you one thing for sure: she was really excited to see you again.”

“Really? She… was excited to see me…?” Junpei looks up hopefully.

“Oh, yeah. Wouldn’t shut up about you in the days before the Nonary Game. It was fucking intolerable. I hated you before I’d even met you.” Aoi smiles fondly, thinking about how Akane had triple-checked her makeup, her hair, and her clothes before going down to D Deck. “I don’t know what she’s thinking right now, but if I had to guess, she’s trying to keep you out of her current work to protect you.”

“But I _want_ to help!” Junpei cries.

“I don’t think Akane gives a shit about that. She’s stubborn. She thinks that her way is the only way.”

“Like you’re one to talk,” Junpei says, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, yeah, I taught her to be stubborn, I get it. But this is different. I’m talking about future timelines. I think being able to see all of those timelines… changed her.” Aoi’s gaze drops to the floor. “The morphogenetic field gave me my sister back. But it also took her away from me.”

Junpei doesn’t say anything, and the two of them sit there in silence for a while. Aoi’s thoughts drift back to ten years ago, to the Akane who loved Christmas and who wanted new dresses from the store and who loved animals and who was still afraid of death. To the Akane who cared when people got hurt instead of viewing it as an inevitability of the timeline.

“I want to believe that the Akane I knew was still in there. That June wasn’t all an act,” Junpei says quietly.

“Well, if anyone can bring that side of her back out, it’s going to be you.” Aoi puts a hand on Junpei’s shoulder. “But I don’t want you throwing your life away for my sister, okay? That’s not what she wants, either.”

“I’m not making any promises,” Junpei says, shaking Aoi’s hand off his shoulder.

Aoi shrugs. “I figured as much, but I thought I’d try.”

“Actually, I owe you a lot already, Aoi,” Junpei says earnestly, and it’s Aoi’s turn to be surprised. “I think, if you hadn’t let me bunk at your place between trips, I’d be much worse off right now. I’d be alone.”

“You should thank _Clover_ for that. She’s the one who started this whole mess,” Aoi says, averting his gaze. He doesn’t like being thanked. It feels like he never deserves the gratitude he gets.

Junpei laughs. “What, by forcing you to wear a tutu? Come on, Aoi. If you hadn’t agreed to all of her silly demands, we wouldn’t be living together right now.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” Aoi smiles despite himself. “Ennea and Nona are to blame for the stupid tutu, though. I don’t even want to think about what they did with that video.”

“I’m sure it’ll pop up again when it’s least convenient for you.” Junpei stands up. “I’m gonna try and get some sleep for real. Thanks for hearing me out, Aoi.”

And because Aoi can’t be genuine to save his fucking life, he says, “Whatever, man. Don’t forget to eat dinner.”

As Junpei holes himself up in his room, Aoi can’t help but wonder if Junpei is right. If Clover hadn’t found him… where would Junpei be right now? Would he fall apart completely, with nobody to put him back together? Aoi doesn’t like that line of thinking, so he dismisses it. What’s important is that in this timeline, the only timeline that matters, Junpei is here. Aoi is here. And he’s going to savor every moment. 

~*~

“Hey.” Aoi looks up from his laptop to see Clover in her cocktail waitress uniform, except there’s clear scorch marks across it and part of the skirt is burned.

“What the hell happened to you?” Aoi asks, raising an eyebrow.

Clover sighs. “A drunk idiot accidentally set me on fire.”

“Didn’t know that being a cocktail waitress could be so life-threatening,” Aoi says sarcastically.

“Trust me, neither did I.” Clover plops down on the couch. “What’re you reading?”

“Stock market predictions. Digging up intel for Junpei has been taking up most of my time, and I’m falling behind.” Aoi stifles a yawn.

Clover furrows her eyebrows. “Don’t you think you’re working yourself a little too hard, Aoi? You should take a break.”

“Huh?” Aoi purposely avoids her gaze. He does not want to have this conversation, but he knows that changing the subject doesn’t work with Clover.

“You look really tired. When was the last time you slept?” Clover asks.

“I took a nap this afternoon.”

“And before that?”

Damn it, Clover is too sharp for her own good. “I took a nap yesterday morning.”

“Aoi.” Clover’s voice is dripping with disappointment.

“I’ll get some sleep tonight.”

“Oh, really?” Clover crosses her arms. “When will you do that?”

Aoi glances down at his laptop clock. It’s already six in the morning. “Fuck. I’ll sleep after I make breakfast.”

“ _Aoi_.”

“I’m fine. I don’t need a lot of sleep to function.” Aoi closes his laptop and puts it on the coffee table. Now that he’s not focused on something, he’s more aware of how drowsy he is.

“I think you’re lying,” Clover says casually. Aoi starts to stand up, but Clover grabs his arm and yanks him back down to the couch. “Sleep. I’ll handle breakfast. Junpei just eats toast, anyway.”

“And coffee, black,” Aoi adds. His eyelids _are_ starting to feel a little heavy, but he’s reluctant to hand his responsibilities off to Clover.

Seeing his hesitance, she says, “I don’t work another shift until the weekend. Let me help you while I can.”

“Wow, what a convincing argument you’ve got there. Why the fuck would I let you handle things when you _also_ haven’t gotten any sleep?” Aoi says.

“Unlike _you_ , I actually _know_ my limits!” Clover insists.

“I know mine, and I haven’t hit them yet.” Aoi tries to dart past Clover, but she holds him down. 

Junpei chooses that moment to walk out of his room. He stares at both of them, then turns around to leave. “I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t want to find out.

“Oh, no you don’t! Help me do Aoi’s chores for today so that he can get some sleep.”

“Ignore her,” Aoi says at the same time.

Junpei gives both of them a bewildered look and scrubs his face with one hand. “It’s too damn early in the morning for this. Why do you look like you’re about to deck Aoi in the face?”

“He hasn’t gotten a full night’s rest in at least two days, because he’s an idiot and he forgets to take care of himself,” Clover says, exasperated. Aoi decides not to mention that it was actually _three_ days.

“Clover’s overreacting. I’m fucking fine,” Aoi snaps.

“Aoi, you’re always running around and taking care of all of us. Let us take care of you for once. _Please_.”

Aoi meets Clover’s eyes, and he sees genuine concern and desperation.

“Fine. I’ll sleep. There’s enough leftovers in the fridge to last you for a couple days. If I wake up and the apartment is a shitshow, I’m blaming you,” Aoi says, defeated. He readjusts himself so his head is on the pillow at the end of the couch and he closes his eyes.

“Joke’s on you! This apartment is _already_ a shitshow,” Clover declares.

“You can say that again,” Junpei mumbles as Aoi begins to drift off.

“He works too hard,” Clover says sadly.

“Yeah, he really does. We owe him big time,” Junpei agrees.

Aoi doesn’t think he’s working too hard. Or maybe he’s never had a chance to relax, so it’s normal to him to work this hard when it shouldn’t be.

It’s kind of nice to have people who care.

~*~

Group Chat: **Aoi is our lapdog now.**

 **Clover** : [picture]   
**Clover** : look at him sleeping! he looks so peaceful   
**Junpei** : He’s going to kill you when he wakes up, you know   
**Clover** : i’ll just cash in a favor to not retaliate. easy!   
**Hazuki** : Clover, you’re a woman after my own heart. This will make excellent blackmail material.   
**Seven** : Aw, look at him, all tuckered out.   
**Light** : Has he been overworking himself again like, well, a dog?   
**Clover** : yep! didn’t sleep for two whole days! or maybe more   
**Clover** : ridicule him so that he sees all this and feels ashamed when he wakes up!!   
**Light** : Aoi Kurashiki, you are a fool.   
**Seven** : Uh, I wouldn’t say it like that, but sleep’s important, kid. Don’t skip it.   
**Clover** : see? you’re stupid, aoi!   
**Hazuki** : Not only do you look like an idiot, you are one.   
**Junpei** : Guys, it’s not nice to insult him when he’s not even able to respond…

 _Clover renamed the group chat to_ **_Aoi is an idiot._ **

**Clover** : heehee, there. now he’ll never forget :)

~*~

Light and Aoi are alone on the couch tonight. Clover fell asleep early after pulling an all-nighter the day before, and Junpei is out of town following up on a lead about Akane. Light is tired, and he has half a mind to go to sleep as well, but it’s rare that he gets a moment alone with Aoi, and there’s something he’s been wanting to talk about for a while now.

“Aoi,” Light says quietly. He hears Aoi take off his headphones and look up from his laptop. “Could we talk for a moment about something serious?”

Aoi snorts. “When are we _not_ talking about something serious?”

“Humor me,” Light says, raising an eyebrow, and he hears the satisfying click of Aoi closing his laptop. “What would you say if I told you that I’m still angry at you?”

“I’d say that’s pretty fucking normal?” Aoi doesn’t seem bothered at all. “Dude, I kidnapped you and your sister, forced you to play a death game you’d already played before, knocked you out and shoved you in a coffin, didn’t tell Clover anything so she thought you were dead, and trapped you in an incinerator where you could have burned. Why the fuck would you _not_ be angry at me?”

“When you put it like that, it does seem normal,” Light muses.

“Yeah. So whatever, I don’t give a shit if you’re mad at me, if you hate me, if you wanna beat me up. Do whatever the fuck you want,” Aoi says nonchalantly.

Something about that attitude— that “my life doesn’t matter” attitude— strikes Light as wrong.

“If I hate you, why are you comfortable living with me?” Light asks.

Aoi makes a discontent noise. “Clover already had me doing all those favors for her. It’s easier if I just live here, too.”

“Should you not be worried that Clover or I will lose our tempers one day and harm you?”

“If you did, I wouldn’t hold it against you,” Aoi says, and there’s that indifference again.

“Aoi. Listen to yourself. Do you have any regard for your own life?” Light’s voice is more frustrated than he wants it to be. Aoi’s breathing signals how startled he is by the sudden outburst.

Aoi takes a moment before answering. “Look, I… I don’t think I’ve had much regard for my life since my parents died. Akane came first. I had to take care of her. The only reason I lived for the last nine years was to make sure that the Nonary Game went according to plan. If I died during that game, it didn’t matter to me as long as Junpei got to the incinerator and gave Akane the answer to the sudoku.”

“And if you die now?”

“I dunno.”

“You don’t know?” Light resists the urge to strangle the man.

“Right now, my priority is taking care of you, Clover, and Junpei. But if I died, Hazuki or Seven could easily replace me. Nothing I do is notable or difficult,” Aoi says far too casually. “...Light? Did I say something wrong?”

Light scowls. “I think you should give yourself more credit. You’re working a full time job and serving as a full time maid, and you make it look effortless.”

“Are _you_ complimenting _me_?” Aoi asks. “Are you okay? Is something going on? Are you trying to sweet talk me into buying you something?”

Light punches Aoi lightly in the shoulder. “Perhaps, on occasion, you have merits.”

“Sure, sure. I bet you just don’t want me to drag you out of your bed by your legs tomorrow when you throw a fit like a damn baby and refuse to get up,” Aoi says smugly.

“Well, yes, I do admit that I would prefer not to be forced out of bed in such a rude manner, but that is not what this is about.” Light takes a deep breath and composes his thoughts. “Aoi, do you think that I hate you?”

Aoi doesn’t answer.

“Do you think Clover hates you?”

“...No, I think she’s gotten over it. She doesn’t talk about me with the same anger that she talks about Akane,” Aoi says quietly.

“Hmm, I see. Then, why do you believe that I hate you if she does not?”

“If someone did all those shitty things to _my_ sister, I’d hate them. And we’re pretty similar, even if you’re a condescending prick and I’m an idiotic asshole.” Aoi tries to keep his voice even, but it shakes ever so slightly.

“What if that same person apologized to your sister, taught her how to cook, kept her company when she went shopping, paid her rent and bills, and helped her save money? What if that same person who hurt you and your sister so deeply also took care of you when your parents couldn’t be relied on?” Light sighs. “You can call Junpei an idiot all you want, but you are an even greater fool. I admit that I have not fully forgiven you, and I am not sure that I can. But I am also grateful for what you do for Clover, Junpei, and me. Perhaps the two cancel each other out.”

Aoi leans on Light’s shoulder, his face wet with tears. “You’re an asshole for making me cry this late at night,” he mumbles. “Fuck you.”

Light chuckles. “Two months of living together tells me that you mean thank you, so you’re quite welcome.”

“I’m going to burn your tea tomorrow,” Aoi threatens, but there’s no heat behind his words.

“You will do no such thing. I guarantee it.”

“You’re insufferable.”

“You’re unbearable.”

Aoi shoves Light away. “Go to bed, asshole. You have an afternoon gig tomorrow.”

“Mmm, yes, I suppose I will. It’s quite late, and I am getting rather tired.” Light stands up slowly and stifles a yawn. “I do hope you will remember our talk, Aoi. You are more important than you realize.”

“Go to _bed_ ,” Aoi repeats, and a cushion whizzes right past Light’s left arm.

As Light readies himself for bed, he dwells on how quickly he has come to care for Aoi and Junpei. It’s strange how one life-threatening event can bring people together. Perhaps he has one thing to thank Akane for, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of third segment: Someone has a nightmare about if it had actually been Light's corpse behind door 3.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. May 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aoi, Light, Clover, and Junpei learn that there's more to being an esper than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's chapter is shorter, but that's just how it goes!
> 
> TRIGGERS
> 
> \- first segment: blood/death (skip the first two italicized lines), alcoholism (you'd have to skip the rest of the section once Junpei's door is opened)  
> \- third segment: death (skip from "so Aoi never asks why..." to "he needs to be the best support he can be"  
> \- fourth segment: blood, death, suffocation (skip whole section, I'll post a summary at the end)

_ Clover is standing over you, blood dripping from the axe hefted over her shoulder. “Come on, Junpei,” she whispers. “Let’s leave… together.” _

_ You, terror in your eyes, reach forward with a shaky arm, and then a sickening squelch rings out as the axe digs into your chest— _

Light sits up with a start. He doesn’t typically scream from his nightmares as much as Clover and Junpei do, but he still lets out a startled yelp. Light focuses on steadying his breathing. This wasn’t his nightmare, Light knows for certain. In this nightmare, he could  _ see _ . 

Could he be receiving nightmares from the morphic fieldset? He and Clover had joined SOIS in late April, and they’d been training to strengthen their esper powers ever since, so it is a possibility.

If that’s the case, whose nightmare is it?

Light slips out of bed and opens the door to his bedroom slowly so it doesn’t creak. He puts an ear to Clover’s door first. Her breathing signals to him that she’s awake. He knocks lightly on the door, and Clover takes a moment to open it.

“What?” she says, tired irritation plain in her voice.

“Did you just wake up from a nightmare?” Light asks.

Clover hesitates. “Yeah. But, I mean, that’s not unusual.”

“Did your nightmare involve…” Light pauses. He doesn’t want to say that his sister was an axe murderer in his nightmare because if Clover  _ hadn’t _ had that nightmare, he’d be putting quite an unpleasant image in her head. “...an axe?”

“...Yeah,” Clover says quietly. “How did you know?”

“I saw the same—” Light stops suddenly as his ears pick up on erratic, fast breathing from the living room. “Hold on. I think Aoi might have seen the nightmare, too.

Light walks out to the living room and kneels next to the couch. “Aoi,” he says quietly. “Breathe with me. In… out. In… out.”

“I’m— I’m fine, I got it,” Aoi mumbles, shoving Light away. He sniffles back tears, but his breathing is getting slower. Good. “God, what the hell was that?”

“Penny for your nightmare?” Light says, and Aoi smacks him with a pillow. “Was it, perhaps, a nightmare centering Clover and Junpei? Involving an axe?”

Aoi’s breath hitches in his throat. “You saw it, too.”

“Mmm, yes, unfortunately so.” Light stands up. “However, I’m certain that it is not  _ my  _ nightmare because there were visual components to it. Was it yours?”

“Like hell it was,” Aoi grumbles. 

“I don’t think it was mine, either. It wasn’t from my point of view like my nightmares normally are,” Clover says from somewhere behind Light.

“That is an excellent point. In that case...” Light starts walking towards Junpei’s room, with Aoi following behind.

Aoi doesn’t even need to open the door for Light to hear Junpei’s hysterical sobbing. Aoi hesitates, then steps back from the door. “You should try first, Light. You’re better at this.”

“Hmph, I wish I’d gotten that on video. It’s rare for you to admit that I am better than you at something,” Light says with a smirk

“I… think I’m going to go back to my room. I don’t want to remind him of… what he saw,” Clover says quietly, her words tinged with guilt. 

“Clover,” Light says calmly but firmly. “This is not your fault.”

Clover inhales sharply. “Okay.”

Light waits until he hears Clover’s bedroom door close, and then he opens the door to Junpei’s room. “Junpei? May I come in?”

“L-Light?” Junpei’s voice is shaky, desperate, torn, and his words are slurred. “You shouldn’— Sorry. I’ll be quieter.”

“I did not wake up because of you,” Light says calmly, slowly tiptoeing his way past the absolute mess of bottles and scattered papers on the floor. It’s a wonder Aoi hasn’t cleaned this room up already. He follows the sound of the subdued sobs to the bed and sits down on the edge. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“N-no,” Junpei manages, scooting over so his head is resting on Light’s lap. Light strokes Junpei’s hair with one hand and rests the other on Junpei’s shoulder. “I wan’ ‘nother drink, but I… shouldn’. ’M already… drunk.”

“I am in agreement with you there,” Light says softly.

The two of them sit there in silence for a while as Junpei cries into Light’s shirt. Light hears Aoi walk away from the entryway to Junpei’s room, possibly content to leave this to him. Aoi tends to be grumpy when he first wakes up, as it is.

“D’you… think Aoi is mad at me?” Junpei says, perhaps louder than he intends.

“No, you asshole, I’m not mad at you. I’m just getting a glass of water,” Aoi calls from, presumably, the kitchen.

Light smiles. “There, see? Aoi is not cross with you. Why would he be?”

“I woke ‘im up, too, didn’t I? Because I’m the worst,” Junpei mumbles.

“You did not wake either of us up,” Light repeats, although it occurs to him that this might be a lie if his hunch about nightmares and the morphogenetic field is correct. “You’re perfectly fine, Junpei. We do not mind helping you.”

“I mind a little bit,” Aoi snarks from the doorway.

Junpei manages a small chuckle at that. “Aoi, you’re such a bad liar.”

“Fuck you,” Aoi says without any venom. For Aoi, this might as well be an admission of friendship.

Junpei pushes himself into a sitting position. “Thank you. Both of you.”

“Do ya want me to stay here? I’m not tired, so I’m gonna get some work done,” Aoi offers.

Junpei hesitates, and Light gently lays Junpei back down on the bed. “Rest. Aoi isn’t lying this time.”

“...Are you sure, Aoi?” Junpei asks, his voice small. 

Light is filled with the urge to kill Akane for making this poor man believe that nobody could possibly care about him.

“Yeah, dumbass, I’m sure,” Aoi snorts. “Light, go back to bed. Your sleep schedule is already shit and you have work tomorrow.”

“Ah, the pot calling the kettle black,” Light says with an amused smile, but he stands and ruffles Junpei’s hair one last time. “Good night, Junpei.”

“G-good night,” Junpei says, his voice muffled. Light imagines he’s gone back to his default state of burying his face into his pillow.

As Light heads back to his room, he checks one more time to make sure Clover is all right. Luckily, it seems that she has managed to fall back asleep. 

Light flops back onto his bed and falls asleep without even bothering to close his bedroom door.

~*~

The next morning, Clover wordlessly gives Junpei a hug as he’s making his toast.

“Do I look that shitty?” Junpei says, voice laced with surprise.

“ _ I  _ think you look fantastic,” Light replies from the table, sipping his tea casually. 

“Light, shut it,” Clover snaps. She still hasn’t let go of Junpei, if the lack of footsteps in the kitchen is anything to go by. “I had… a bad dream. That’s all.”

Junpei’s breathing stops for a moment, and Light sighs. He’s figured it out as well, has he?

“Was it… Did it involve an axe?” Junpei asks quietly.

Clover doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t have to.

There’s a moment of silence, and then the sound of scuffling of a chair against the floor and a rolled up newspaper making contact with someone. Given that Aoi had been sitting at the table drinking his coffee and reading the newspaper, Light can assume that Aoi has just smacked Junpei with his newspaper.

“Junpei Tenmyouji, I swear to whatever fucking god exists, if you try to move out of this apartment because you feel guilty for sharing your nightmares with us on  _ accident _ , I’m going to find you myself and drag you back kicking and screaming,” Aoi says sharply as he takes his place at the table again.

“I—” Junpei laughs sheepishly. “I guess I’m that predictable, huh?”

“You’re not going anywhere, got it? Promise.” Light doesn’t have to see to know that Clover is pulling her doe eyes on Junpei.

The toaster clicks and dings, and Junpei says, “Clover, my toast is burning.”

“Let it burn,” Clover says with fire in her voice.

Junpei groans. “Fine. Fine. You guys make no sense at all, you know that?”

“We’re your  _ friends _ , you goddamn fool,” Aoi mutters under his breath.

“For all we know, our physical proximity to each other is not a factor in this new phenomenon. It may simply be that we have subconsciously opened our minds to you, as we trust you.” Light takes another sip of his tea.

“I don’t know  _ why _ you trust me,” Junpei mumbles, taking a seat at the table. “Are… are you sure I should stay here? My nightmares are—”

“You promised!” Clover says sharply, and Light can practically hear Junpei flinch.

“Right. I just… wanted to make sure,” Junpei says, guilt evident in his voice. “I don’t want something to happen to you guys in the field because you’re not sleeping properly.”

“Everyone in this apartment gets nightmares every goddamn night, with or without your help” Aoi says drily.

“Aoi is correct, although he lacks tact. Whether it is your nightmares or our own is hardly relevant,” Light says a little more gently, elbowing Aoi in the ribs.

“Yup! No leaving, got it?” Clover says firmly.

“Got it,” Junpei says, voice shaking with relief and gratitude.

~*~

Aoi quickly learns that Light’s hypothesis about physical distance is at least partially true. The nightmare sharing is definitely more frequent when everyone’s at home, but Junpei’s nightmares still come through the morphic fieldset when he’s traveling on business. Aoi starts sleeping during the day so that he can be awake to comfort people if they need it. Junpei’s not the only one sharing nightmares, but he is the most frequent sharer, maybe because his dreams are often pulling alternate timelines from the morphogenetic field. Otherwise, the nightmares are a mangled mess of things that actually happened in the Nonary Games, things that  _ could _ have happened, and other fucked up things that any of them have seen. 

Junpei especially sees some really disturbing shit in his job.

The unspoken policy in their apartment is to not ask questions, so Aoi never asks why he’s seeing people bleeding out on the sidewalk or pushed off rooftops or shot full of holes. If anything, he’s motivated to work even harder. His friends are out in the field, so he needs to be the best support he can be.

He and Hazuki have regular “skill swap” sessions: he teaches her how to research the best investments, and she teaches him how computers are built, how their software is crafted, and how to exploit security vulnerabilities so that he can collect better intel. Hazuki and Seven don’t ask questions, either, and Aoi is grateful for that. Aoi doesn’t know  _ exactly _ what Light and Clover are doing, but he knows that SOIS is also investigating Free the Soul, so he gives them his intel, too, even if they can’t just turn around and take it to their bosses. 

Aoi also stores his intel on the secure Crash Keys servers. He knows Akane is accessing his files because of the file history. She never leaves any messages in return. Aoi doesn’t expect her to. It still leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Sometimes, no, often, Aoi wants to fall apart. But more than that, he wants to keep everyone else together. So he keeps going, keeps pushing, keeps working himself to the bone. He’s at his best when he has a goal to achieve and people to protect, after all.

~*~

_ You’re on the Gigantic. That bastard Hongou is walking in front of you, and Clover’s trudging along, downcast. And Akane… she has a look in her eyes. The look that says that this doesn’t end well for them. You bite back your tears. You can cry later. For now, you have a job to do. If Akane’s already as good as dead, then the least you can do is make sure nobody else dies with her. Nobody except Hongou. _

_ You pull Clover back by the hood of her jacket just in time. Hongou pulls out a knife and stabs through the air where Clover used to be. “Clover, we have to run, now.” You don’t give her a choice. You grab her wrist and run in the opposite direction. Akane isn’t running with you.  _

_ The cat’s out of the box, and it’s dead. _

_ Where can you hide? Hongou is right behind you. If you pause for even a moment, you’re both dead. Even if you don’t stop, you’re probably still dead. You keep running _ —

_ You’re in the chapel, behind door 6. You run towards the coffin and punch in the password. The lid slides off. Light is dead. He’s suffocated. It’s too late for him _ —

_ You’re running as fast as you can. You have a skeleton key and a skeleton key card in your pocket. You can open any door you want. But the moment you do, Clover will know that you’re helping Zero, so you have to act fast. _

_ “Clover, listen to me,” Aoi says urgently. “I need you to remember these numbers, okay?” _

_ “Wh-why?” _

_ “Don’t ask, just  _ do _ it! 14383421. Got it?” _

_ “14383421. 14383421. 14383421…” Clover keeps mumbling the number as they run. They reach the elevator, and Aoi slides the skeleton card through. The doors slide open way too slowly. You’re not going to make it _ —

_ You’re on the grand staircase, dying in a puddle of Clover’s blood. You see that bastard Hongou lie down next to you both and play dead. Fuck, if you don’t do something, he’ll kill the others, too _ —

_ You toss the skeleton key and skeleton card into the elevator, then force Clover inside. When you turn around, you’re face to face with Hongou. _

_ You push him backwards. You just need to buy yourself time. He stabs you in the gut and the pain is unbearable but you’ve already felt the worst pain of all. Akane is dead. So there’s nothing left to lose. You grab the handle of the knife and try to yank it from Hongou, but you’re quickly losing your strength. _

_ The elevator doors slide shut. _

_ Perfect. _

_ You crumple to the ground and hope that Junpei, Seven, and Lotus can figure the rest out on their own. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Summary of the fourth segment: All of them have a nightmare where Aoi and Clover are fleeing from Hongou, who is chasing them with a knife. The nightmare shifts to show Light suffocating in a coffin, then shifts back to Aoi and Clover running away. Aoi pushes Clover into the elevator with a master key so she can get to door 6 and the coffin and eventually free her brother, and then he stalls for time by trying to fight Hongou. Hongou overpowers and kills him, but Clover gets away.


	5. June 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has depression, and everyone except Clover makes at least one bad decision. That's it, that's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a change in perspective! Clover's the most functional among the four characters living in the apartment, so I don't write from her perspective too often, but I love her so much.
> 
> SPOILERS  
> \- second segment has spoilers for VLR, so skip this if you haven't played that game
> 
> TRIGGERS  
> \- second segment: death, blood, injury (skip the whole section, summary at the bottom)  
> \- third segment: hallucinations and mention of blood (pretty much impossible to read this section if you skip the parts where these triggers show up, so I'll put a summary at the bottom)  
> \- fourth segment: mention of injuries (skip first paragraph), alcoholism, depression (skip last paragraph)  
> \- fifth segment: depression, mention of panic attacks (skip section, summary at bottom)

Junpei reaches out and tries to grab his toast from the toaster three times before succeeding. It’s the most bizarre thing Clover has ever seen. Well, no, that’s not true; the Nonary Games always dominate the “bizarre” category. But Junpei makes himself toast every morning, so it should be  _ muscle memory _ by now.

“Uh, Junpei? Everything all right, buddy?” Clover says, waving a hand in front of his face. Junpei turns to look at her with a dazed expression.

“Clover…?” he says slowly, eyes tracing the shape of her body anxiously.

“Yeeeees? That’s me,” Clover says.

Light can tell something is off just from the sound of Junpei’s voice, because that’s Light for you. “Junpei, are you all right? Did you get enough rest?” he asks from where he’s sitting at the table.

“I don’t… know…” Junpei scrubs his face with his hand, then looks back at Clover, and his face is a mask of confusion. “I thought… Never mind. It’s fine.”

“Hey, maybe you should lie down, okay?” Aoi says, looking over his shoulder. He’s cooking… something, Clover doesn’t really know what.

Junpei shakes his head. “No, I’ll be okay. I think my nightmares were bad last night. I don’t really remember.” Three unconvinced pairs of eyes stare at him. “What?”

“You really don’t look good,” Clover says finally.

“I’ll… come home early from work, if that’ll make you guys feel better,” Junpei says, eyes darting between the three of them anxiously. “Seriously. I’m okay, though. I’m not even hungover.”

“If you’re not home by six, I’m going to call your boss,” Aoi says flatly.

Junpei stares at Aoi for a minute, then nods. “Okay. Six PM. Got it.”

Junpei spends the rest of the morning in a haze. Clover doesn’t push the subject further because she knows it won’t do any good, but she keeps turning over the events of the morning in her head as she and Light head to work. Something about Junpei’s expression makes her uneasy. It feels… familiar, but she doesn’t know why. She can’t place it. Shaking her head, she resolves to ask Alice about it later.

~*~

_ You’re chained to a sink. _

_ Your wrist is chained to a sink and you’re trying to get out but the handcuffs are too small and your body is too weak to yank too hard. You look over at the other person who’s here with you. Clover. She’s pulling her arm so hard that her wrist is bleeding from where the cuff is cutting into her skin. You’re too tired to match that amount of energy. You’re going to die, and there’s nothing you can do about it _ —

_ You run into the infirmary just in time to see a man holding a knife to Clover’s throat. Time slows down. You’re running before you can even speak. You can’t let her die, who cares what happens to you _ —

_ You’re chained to a sink. Needles pierce your wrist, and suddenly there’s that damn anesthetic coursing through your veins. You fight like hell to stay awake, but that just means you feel a second needle inject something into you. Suddenly, you can’t breathe. Your lungs won’t move, no, nothing will move at all, and your vision is fading _ —

_ A knife slices your hand. You don’t care. You have to get that knife away, you have to stop this person, you have to _ —

_ A knife plunges into your stomach. You feel like your body is exploding. Pain radiates outwards from the wound. It’s not the first time you’ve been stabbed, but it will be the last... _

~*~

Aoi is scrambling some eggs for breakfast when he hears noise from behind Junpei’s door. He glances at the microwave clock and raises an eyebrow. It’s much too early in the morning for Junpei to be up, 5am. Clover and Light will still be asleep for another hour and a half. “Well, fuck my eggs, I guess,” he mutters, turning off the stove and transferring his liquidier-than-usual eggs to a bowl so they don’t keep cooking without his supervision. If Junpei’s awake right now, something’s wrong.

Aoi knocks lightly on Junpei’s door. “Hey, everything all right in there?” he asks softly. A few moments pass, and he doesn’t get a response, so he opens the door. Junpei is on the floor curled up in a ball, head in his hands. His whole body is shuddering. “Junpei?”

Junpei looks up at him slowly with haunted, distant eyes. He doesn’t move at first, just stares, and Aoi swallows hard. He can feel the panic rising in his chest and forces it down. He has to stay calm for Junpei’s sake. He has to.

“Junpei, you should go back to sleep,” he says, walking towards Junpei slowly.

Junpei shakes his head slowly, his gaze still boring holes through Aoi. He doesn’t speak. His movements are slow, like he’s moving through molasses.

Aoi kneels down next to Junpei so that he’s eye level with him. “What’s wrong?”

Junpei reaches out to Aoi slowly, grips his shirt at his waist, pulls him closer. Aoi doesn’t resist even though his muscles scream at him to kick Junpei in the face due to the unsolicited contact. Junpei’s hands slowly, gently climb up Aoi’s back, then Junpei pulls away, relieved. “You’re real,” he whispers finally. “Right?”

“Yeah, I’m real,” Aoi says, struggling to keep his voice even. Is Junpei having hallucinations? Drunk people sometimes see things, right? Maybe that’s it. Whatever, he’ll think about this later, when he’s not in crisis mode. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Junpei shakes his head again, unwilling to speak. He’s still shaking.

“Can I hug you?” Aoi asks awkwardly. He’s not really a touchy-feely person, but goddamn, Junpei looks like he’s seconds away from a breakdown.

Junpei nods. Aoi pulls him in for a hug, and Junpei holds on to him tightly. “I’m sorry,” Junpei says quietly.

“Dude, stop apologizing. I’m not going anywhere,” Aoi says firmly. Junpei cries into his shoulder for a while before finally letting go. He crawls back into bed, and Aoi tucks him in. It’s 5:30 by the time he returns to his now cold and dry scrambled eggs. Aoi eats his breakfast and scrolls through some articles predicting the stocks for the upcoming week.

Clover wakes up at 6:30 on the dot. Light snoozes his alarm four times. Aoi finally marches into his room and yanks the covers off of Light’s bed. “Get up, you lazy ass.”

“Mmmmmmgh,” Light groans into his pillow. “Tired.”

“So you’re going to send Clover to work alone?” Aoi challenges.

Light groans but at least he sits up. “No, I suppose not. Thank you, Aoi.”

“Always happy to be an asshole.” Aoi returns to the kitchen and starts brewing tea for Light and Clover, coffee for Junpei. He doesn’t know when Junpei will be awake, but he’s usually up in time to eat breakfast with Light and Clover and, well, Aoi’s breakfast schedule is a little erratic, but he sits with them, at least. He scrambles two eggs for Light, makes one over easy for Clover and toasts two slices of bread for her. He’s just finishing up with the eggs when Clover comes into the kitchen.

“Aoi, have I ever told you how much I love you?” Clover says as Aoi hands her a full plate of breakfast.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I know you just love my cooking, you don’t have to pretend,” Aoi says sarcastically, and Clover grins.

Light is the next one into the kitchen, and he eats his breakfast without even thanking Aoi, like the asshole that he is. Aoi can tell by his smile that he enjoys it, so that’s good enough for him. Aoi starts to make Junpei’s toast.

Junpei comes out of his bedroom a little early. The bags under his eyes are more defined, his hair is disheveled, and his eyes are only half open as he sits down at the table. He reaches for his coffee, but his hand is trembling so much that it spills over the side of the mug before he can even bring it to his lips.

“Junpei, is everything all right? You’re shaking,” Clover says, eyebrows creased with concern.

Junpei looks up at her slowly, and Aoi recognizes that haunted look from just a couple hours ago. Junpei jumps to his feet at the same time as Aoi, and Aoi grabs him and pins him down before he can run. He has no idea what’s going on, but instinct tells him that letting Junpei run wild is not a good idea.

“No. No, no, stop! Snake!  _ Snake! _ ” Junpei opens his eyes, and they are crazed, full of fear. He struggles to free himself of Aoi’s grasp, but Aoi holds on tight.

“Junpei, talk to us. What is going on?” Light says calmly.

Junpei thrashes in Aoi’s grasp. “Let me go! Let  _ go _ of me! I have to help Snake! He’s going to  _ die _ !”

Light stands in front of Junpei and cups his face with one hand. “Look at me, Junpei. I’m here. I’m here. We all are.”

“N-no, no, you’re— I saw it, I—” Junpei jerks one arm free from Aoi’s grip and for a moment, Aoi is afraid that he’s going to bolt, but instead, his knees buckle and he begins to cry. “There’s blood all over your face, Light. You’re dying.”

Light kneels down, takes Junpei’s hand, and gently places it on his own cheek. “There. Do you feel any blood?”

Junpei shakes his head slowly. “No, but I— I can see it. I can smell it.”

“Can you hear my voice?” Light says calmly.

“Y-yes.” Junpei swallows. “B-but— he shot you. He shot you so many times. There’s no way… Clover’s dead. Light’s dead. Akane’s  _ dead _ .”

“I’m not dead. I’m here,” Clover says softly, kneeling beside Junpei. She takes Junpei’s other hand.

“Clover…?” Junpei whispers, raising his head.

Clover wraps her arms around Junpei’s waist. “I’m here. I’m okay. I’m here.”

Junpei takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Can I… can I make sure? That you’re real?”

“Yeah. Whatever you need to do,” Clover says. 

Junpei reaches his hand out and places it on her shoulder, then on her cheek, then on her stomach. The whole time, he’s mumbling. “No wounds. No blood. Breathing normal.” He stops suddenly and then turns to Light, his gaze unfocused. “Light…?”

Light takes Junpei’s hands and places them on his chest. “Here. You may check whatever you need.”

“Bullets…” Junpei whispers, and he slowly runs his hands up and down Light’s chest. “No bullets. No… no wounds.” Junpei closes his eyes and all the tension leaves his body. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I— I keep seeing it. Even when I’m awake. It feels so real.”

“You have done nothing wrong,” Light says gently.

Junpei takes a couple of deep breaths. When he opens his eyes, he looks a little bit calmer. “God, I’m going insane,” he says, and chuckles without humor.

“How long has this been happening?” Light asks.

“I… I don’t know. Maybe a couple weeks? This is the worst it’s been.”

“Hallucinations can be caused by post-traumatic stress disorder, and the morphogenetic field probably doesn’t help,” Light thinks aloud.

“Maybe you should take some time off from work,” Clover suggests lightly.

“No, no. It’ll only make things worse. I’ll have too much time on my hands,” Junpei says. His hands are shaking again. “I can’t have that much time. I’ll… it’ll be bad.”

“At least take today off, man. You look like shit,” Aoi urges.

“I…” Junpei looks up at Aoi and winces. “Fuck. Fine. I can’t— it won’t go away. You all look like you’re bleeding to death.”

“How much sleep have you been getting?” Light asks.

“I don’t know. Not… not a lot, I think.” Junpei closes his eyes. “Maybe three hours a night?”

“ _ Junpei _ ,” Clover says harshly.

“I tried, honest! I just couldn’t— I kept seeing all these horrible things, and I— I should have said something sooner. Sorry.” Junpei’s voice is shaking. Aoi can’t tell whether it’s from emotion or exhaustion.

“Mmm, okay, wait, I have an idea,” Clover says, and she gives Junpei one last squeeze before running off to her room. A moment later, she returns with a futon in her arms and begins rolling it out in front of the couch. “Light, go get Junpei’s blanket and pillow.”

“What’s this supposed to accomplish?” Aoi asks.

“I thought maybe Junpei would sleep better with us around.” Clover finishes with the futon and starts dressing it with the sheets that Light hands her.. “Junpei, what do you think?”

“I…” Junpei bites his lip. “You have work, right?”

Aoi rolls his eyes. Classic Junpei, feeling guilty for relying on others. “Don’t worry about taking up our time, okay? They’ll take the day off.”

“...I do think it would help,” Junpei admits softly.

“Great. Up you go.” Aoi lifts Junpei to his feet with some difficulty, and Clover runs over to help him. The two of them walk Junpei over to the futon, and he practically collapses onto it. Light sits at the foot of the futon, his back against the couch and his lanky legs resting under Junpei’s. Clover sits closer to the head of the futon and runs her hand through Junpei’s hair. Aoi sits on the couch, laptop in his lap, ready to help if he’s needed.

“Thank you,” Junpei mumbles sleepily.

The three of them stay with him even after he’s asleep.

~*~

It becomes a second unspoken rule to be gentle around Junpei in the mornings. Most days, he wakes up disoriented and confused. Almost always, he complains about the smell of blood, and some days, he washes his hands for minutes at a time. Other days, he begs to check them for wounds, to feel with his own two hands that they are alive and okay. He routinely checks Light for bullet holes and Clover and Aoi for knife wounds. It usually takes all three of them to get Junpei to eat, and he eats very little. He almost always drinks himself to sleep at night.

“The alcohol  _ cannot  _ be helping,” Clover mutters as Junpei stumbles into his bedroom and slams the door closed. Light can smell the trail of scotch behind him.

“It does help him get more sleep,” Light points out. “Although, ultimately, his addiction is unhealthy. He is going to destroy his liver.”

“If we try to stop him, he’ll just drink behind our backs, and that’s even worse. At least here I have a little bit of control over how much he drinks, and I can make sure he doesn’t get alcohol poisoning,” Aoi says, running a hand through his hair absentmindedly. “This whole situation fucking sucks.”

“It’s like every time he works another case, he loses a part of himself to it,” Light muses. “Perhaps Junpei would benefit from therapy,”

Aoi laughs derisively. “You’re kidding, right? There’s no way we’ll convince him to go.”

Light sighs, and Clover rests her head on the table. “He said no to sleeping pills, right?” Clover says quietly.

Aoi nods. “Reminds him of Soporil too much. I don’t blame him.”

“I just want him to be happy. Why can’t he be  _ happy _ ?” Clover says dejectedly.

“Ain’t that the fucking mood,” Aoi says bitterly, shaking his head.

In the end, there’s nothing any of them can do for him. It’s quite depressing. Light hates feeling this helpless. He is always the smartest person in the room, the one who knows everything. But with Junpei, logic doesn’t apply. Junpei is tormented by a world that functions under a different set of rules. And no matter how much Light learns, or how much he strengthens his ability to transmit, there’s nothing Junpei could receive that would overwrite the flood of alternate timelines.

Light’s helplessness often translates to depressive symptoms. He is tired all the time, no matter how much sleep he gets. If Clover did not need— no, if Clover did not  _ want _ him to be her receiver, he would quit his job at SOIS and sleep all day long. Aoi is absolutely ruthless; he drags Light out of bed every morning without fail and forces him to eat his meals. Light is grateful, not that he would ever tell Aoi that. Despite recognizing his own symptoms, he is— yet again—  _ helpless _ to fight them on his own.

It’s frustrating. Light wants to scream. But Clover and Junpei will hear him if he does, so he just lets himself waste away, little by little.

~*~

Group Chat:  **Aoi is an idiot** .

**Clover** : hey, Hazuki, Seven, good news! we changed Junpei’s bed to a king bed, so when you guys come visit, you can stay with us now!   
**Hazuki** : Oh, that will be convenient. Ennea and Nona don’t have much room at their place.   
**Seven** : Uh, you guys didn’t just do that for us, right?   
**Clover** : nope! a king bed is big enough for all four of us   
**Hazuki** : Ah, I see.   
**Hazuki** : Well, if any of you ever want to visit us in Maryland, you’re welcome to. We don’t have as much space, but we’d be happy to have you.   
**Clover** : yup! sure thing   
**Clover** : maybe a SOIS job will take us down there some time   
**Junpei** : I’ll be in the area next week most likely, I’ll swing by   
**Clover** : it’s a shame, Aoi will probably never visit you   
**Clover** : he’s basically tethered to this apartment hehe   
**Aoi** : who’s fucking fault is that again?   
**Clover** : :)

~*~

Aoi waits until 2pm, at which point he decides that he has let Light sleep for long enough. It’s a Saturday, so sleeping in isn’t a problem on its own. But Light doesn’t have the sunlight streaming through the windows to guide him, so he rarely wakes up without setting an alarm. Aoi doesn’t know for sure if Light set an alarm last night, but he does know that Light went to bed fourteen hours ago. That’s way too much sleep for someone who regularly gets ten hours of sleep a night. There’s no reason for Light to be that tired.

Aoi throws open the door to Light’s bedroom. Light is lying facedown on the bed, and he moves slightly when Aoi enters. “Light, I know you’re awake.”

“If you leave, I can fix that rather quickly,” Light says curtly.

Aoi rolls his eyes and walks over to the bed. “It’s two in the afternoon. Get up.”

“Please leave.”

“Give me a good reason.”

“This is  _ my _ room, you know.”

“Yeah, and I pay the goddamn rent. Start talking.”

Light sighs heavily. “I simply do not wish to get out of bed. Is that a good enough reason for you?”

“That’s not going to cut it.” Aoi sits down on the edge of the bed. “What’s going on, Light? You’ve been having more trouble than usual.”

Light doesn’t answer at first, and Aoi thinks for a moment that he might be trying to fall asleep to escape the conversation. Finally, Light speaks. “If you’ve noticed, then I suppose there is little point in hiding it. Yes, it has become exceedingly difficult to motivate myself to get out of bed.”

“Why?”

“If I knew that, I would not be lying here helplessly, would I?”

Aoi frowns. He doesn’t really have anything witty to say to that. “Do you  _ want  _ me to keep forcing you out of bed? I can stop.”

“If you don’t force me to wake up, I never will,” Light says, shaking his head. He frowns. “I suppose I might be depressed.”

“What, you mean, like,  _ actual _ depression?” Aoi asks.

Light nods. “I was diagnosed after I lost my eyesight. Many people experience depression after losing a body part, so it was no surprise. My parents certainly thought I had recovered, but I don’t think it ever truly went away.”

“And now it’s worse than usual?”

“Yes, in full force.” Light sighs again. “Clover was very young at the time of my accident. I don’t think she fully grasped the fact that depression is a mental illness, not just an emotion.”

“And because you’re an overprotective and self-sacrificing ass, you haven’t told her anything.” Aoi knows Light can’t see, but he can’t help but give Light a disapproving look.

Light scoffs. “Don’t speak to me as if you would do any different in my situation. Does Akane know that you’re prone to panic attacks?”

How the hell did Light know that? Bastard. “Fuck you. Point taken.”

“I suppose the reasonable thing to do would be to seek treatment, but I don’t believe I’m quite ready to trust a medical institution again,” Light says.

Aoi shudders. Just thinking about the screening that he and Akane had done at the hospital under Hongou’s supervision is enough to get his blood boiling.

“The next best step would be to determine the factors that are inciting or exacerbating my depression, which brings us back to where we started. I don’t know.”

“Is it because of Junpei’s whole… situation?” Aoi asks.

Light shrugs. “It’s possible. I wish I could do more for him, but there is a limit to what we can do to solve another person’s problems. That, and I have my hands full trying to keep myself together. I would rather Junpei not have more reasons to feel guilty.”

Aoi scrubs his face with his hands. Junpei’s shitty situation  _ is _ frustrating, and it’s caused him no shortage of panic attacks. Some days, Aoi thinks that he’s finally hit his limit and can no longer help Junpei without having a panic attack in front of him. And that’s the last thing Aoi wants. “Agreed. Junpei’s got enough shit on his plate.”

“I do not think it has to do with our living situation. I am quite happy with this arrangement, even if watching Junpei’s decline does not inspire hope,” Light says after a moment of thought.

“Well, what else is there? Is it work? Playing the harp and working for SOIS is a lot to handle if you aren’t even able to get out of bed,” Aoi suggests.

“Hmm. Perhaps.” Light hesitates. “Truthfully, I don’t enjoy working for SOIS. It just takes away from my time composing music, which I enjoy much more.”

“Then quit,” Aoi says like the answer’s obvious. He already knows it isn’t that simple.

Light sighs in dismay. “Even if I wanted to quit, I couldn’t do so right now. As things stand, Clover and I are only able to communicate with each other through the morphic fieldset. Until Clover can communicate with other receivers, I must continue to work at SOIS.”

“I’m guessing you don’t want to talk to Clover about this.”

“I don’t want her to think that she’s inconveniencing me. I can deal with a few months of dissatisfaction if it means that she can do her job better,” Light says firmly.

“It sounds like this whole clusterfuck is the cause of your depression. You feel trapped,” Aoi says.

“Hmm. Yes, now that you mention it, I do feel quite helpless, which would naturally lead to depressive symptoms.” Light sighs for the umpteenth time. “Thank you, Aoi. I think that helped.”

“Sure. I don’t think I really did anything.” Aoi yanks the three layers of blankets and sheets off the bed and Light flinches. “Come on, man. I came in here to wake you up. I’m not leaving until you get out of bed.”

“You’re an utter nuisance,” Light mutters, but he finally sits himself up in bed. Progress.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a bastard, whatever. Get up.”

“At least give me a moment to wake up first,” Light complains.

“We just had a full fucking conversation, dumbass. You think I’m an idiot?” Aoi grabs Light’s legs and swings them over the side of the bed. “There. I did half the work for you.”

“Thank you.” Light stands up slowly and rolls his shoulders backwards. “Ah, one more thing. Aoi, please do not tell Clover and Junpei about this.”

Aoi shrugs. “Don’t tell them about my anxiety, and I won’t tell them about your depression. They’ll kill us when they find out, though.”

“I’m prepared for that scenario,” Light says with a small smile.

“Great. We can be partners in dumbassery,” Aoi says sarcastically. “All right, that’s enough of that. If you’re not out in the kitchen in ten minutes, I’m coming back in here.”

“And what if I want you to come back in here?” Light asks smugly.

Aoi shoves him lightly. “Shut up, you asshole. I’m leaving.” Aoi marches out of the room before aforementioned asshole can say anything else stupid.

Light is infuriating, and condescending, and a massive prick. But Aoi can’t deny that he’s relieved that someone else in the apartment knows about his anxiety. Even if it’s the asshole who knows. Aoi  _ trusts _ Light. Light and his stupid leaf words and his ridiculous ability to stay calm in any situation. 

In the end, they aren’t so different after all. They both are so used to looking after their sisters that they neglect themselves. Aoi skips meals on accident and loses sleep; Light pretends that he isn’t miserable in his job. But maybe that means that they’ll be good at looking out for each other. And that… might not be so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a heavy chapter, but it has to get worse before it gets better!
> 
> If you think you're facing similar mental health problems to the characters in this story, please do not make the same dumb decisions that they are making. Go to the doctor, go see a counselor, take care of yourself. It really helps, trust me.
> 
> SUMMARIES  
> \- second segment: Junpei has a nightmare where he has many near-death experiences. The nightmare ends with him presumably dying.  
> \- third segment: Aoi, Light, and Clover learn that Junpei has been having hallucinations because he's been unable to sleep. They help him calm down.  
> \- fifth segment: Aoi and Light have a conversation about depression. Aoi agrees not to tell anyone about Light's depression if Light doesn't say anything about his panic attacks.


	6. July 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter, but... well, you'll see why.
> 
> TRIGGERS  
> \- first segment: alcoholism (whole thing), mentions of self-harm and suicidal thought  
> \- second segment: death
> 
> I'll put summaries for both of these sections at the bottom.

Things are getting better until suddenly they’re getting worse again.

Junpei is gone for two weeks working a case related to Free the Soul. When he returns, his eyes are empty and his smile is gone. He starts sleeping in the bathtub, bottle of scotch in hand, shower running until he falls asleep (at which point Aoi turns it off). He doesn’t talk about it. The only saving grace of the situation is that Junpei’s nightmares don’t invade his roommates’ minds as much.

One bottle starts to become two. Light is losing his patience.

“Aoi,” he says after Junpei has locked himself in the bathroom for the night. “We have to intervene. He’s going to kill himself.”

“I agree,” Clover says uneasily, fiddling with her thumbs.

Aoi scrubs his face with his hand and sighs. “I don’t know how to do it without pushing him further.”

“It doesn’t matter. This simply must stop. Drinking one and a half bottles of scotch in one night is practically poisoning yourself.” The words feel bitter in Light’s mouth. He’s afraid. Afraid that Junpei will finally go too far.

“Yeah, yeah, I fucking know that. We should catch him on a weekend, then, before he starts drinking,” Aoi suggests.

Light nods in agreement, and Clover makes a noise of assent. It’s decided.

The weekend rolls around. Junpei doesn’t wake up until half past one, and it takes him an hour to clean himself up and change into clothes that aren’t soaked through. Listening to him move is nerve-wracking for Light. His movements are slow and erratic, as if he’s moving through a fog, but there’s an element of strength to them, as if he could snap at any time. It’s like listening to a tornado grow in size and slowly destroy more things in its path.

Light grips the edge of his seat tightly and forces himself to breathe. The last thing he needs is for his anxiety to ruin this attempt at an intervention.

When Junpei finally comes out into the kitchen, Clover transmits an image of him to Light so he can see just how much of a mess Junpei is. Junpei’s hair is long and unkempt, his cheeks are sunken, there are dark bags under his eyes, and he has a couple scars on his face. He’s wearing clothes that are far too baggy on him. Light’s heart lurches. This is not the Junpei he sees in Clover’s nightmares about the Second Nonary Game. This Junpei looks like a dead man.

“Hey, Junpei,” Aoi says casually, “can we talk? You’ve been pretty busy, so I haven’t been able to get ahold of you.”

Junpei grunts and sits down at the table. Aoi slides him a mug of coffee.

“What do you want to talk about?” Junpei asks. His voice is small and gravelly, like he’d been screaming the night before.

Aoi sighs and sits down at the table. He and Clover are both fidgeting restlessly. Light decides to take the plunge.

“Junpei, you have been drinking more than usual lately,” he says calmly.

“Mmm. What about it.” Junpei doesn’t look up from his coffee.

“I know that you have trouble sleeping, and there are many things you wish to forget. We all can understand how that feels. But drinking as much as you are right now—”

“What, so  _ now _ it’s too much?” Junpei says, and his voice has a dangerous edge to it. “All this time, it’s been fine, and you haven’t said a word, but  _ now _ you’re stepping in?”

“Junpei, we’ve been trying to give you space,” Clover says quietly.

“Then give me my damn space and mind your own business,” Junpei snaps. “Or do you want me to talk about how Light sleeps all day, and Aoi doesn’t sleep at all? Or how you keep putting off your personal life to make sure that we’re all okay? None of you have healthy habits. Fuck off.”

Light’s hands clench into fists at the mention of Clover’s supposed shortcomings, but he bites his tongue. He can tell that Clover is similarly incensed. “None of us are perfect, I do agree. But your unhealthy habit could get you killed.”

“Then let it kill me. You’ll have one less burden on your hands. I’m sure you’ll all be  _ thrilled _ ,” Junpei shouts. He stands up and nearly knocks his chair over with his momentum.

Aoi stands up and reaches out a hand to console Junpei. “What? Junpei, why would any of us want—”

Junpei slaps Aoi’s hand away. “One less mouth to feed, one less mess to clean. No more horrifying nightmares of the shit I see every day. Don’t lie to me, Aoi.”

“I don’t want you dead,” Clover says quietly, her voice strained with sorrow. “That’s why we’re having this conversation in the first place.”

“What about what  _ I _ want? I don’t want to keep seeing blood everywhere. I’m  _ tired _ of watching people die over and over again in my dreams because I couldn’t save them. I can’t escape these fucking visions in my sleep or while I’m awake, and it’s torture. I can’t take it anymore! So  _ excuse _ me if I take a little gamble and drink myself to sleep every damn night. It’s the only way I get any rest anymore.”

“Maybe you should seek professional help,” Light says, trying to keep his voice even. But it’s hard, harder than usual, because he hasn’t heard Junpei yell like this before, and he sounds so…  _ broken _ .

Junpei laughs sarcastically. “Oh, yeah, and what do I tell them? I keep seeing visions of alternate timelines even when I’m awake? I can’t disconnect myself from the morphogenetic field? Fuck off, Light. You know that’s not an option.”

“Still, there has to be another way—”

“Well, I’m not willing to look for it!” Junpei yells. “If that’s all you have to say to me, then leave me alone.” Junpei storms off to his room and slams the door shut.

“That could have gone better,” Aoi mumbles, sinking back into his chair.

“We’re not… we’re not going to let him die, right?” Clover says, voice trembling.

“No, we will not,” Light says firmly. Clover leans into his side, and he puts his arm around her to pull her closer.

“I’m gonna lock away anything sharp or dangerous that I can find. Knives, scissors, box cutters. Sorry, but can you guys give me your stuff, too, just in case? After hearing him talk like that, I just have a bad feeling,” Aoi says.

“That is an excellent idea. We may want to lock up any medication as well,” Light suggests. “Although, given that he is a fully armed detective, I imagine he has access to plenty of life-threatening equipment.”

“I know. I just want to make it harder to make a bad decision on a whim.” Aoi stands up from the table, taking all the dirty dishes with him, including Junpei’s untouched cup of coffee.

Clover sniffles and wipes her cheek with the back of her hand. “I’m… going to talk to Alice. There has to be  _ something _ we can do to shut off his connection to the morphogenetic field. It’s not going to fix everything, but at least he won’t have to see other timelines.”

“Perhaps SOIS knows of some crisis counselors who are familiar with the problems that espers face,” Light thinks aloud.

It doesn’t matter in the end. Starting the next morning, Junpei pretends that none of them exist. He doesn’t talk to them, and when they try to talk to him, he doesn’t listen. He doesn’t respond to their texts or calls, and he stops responding to Hazuki and Seven, too. He stops eating Aoi’s food, and maybe stops eating altogether. It’s hard to tell, when Junpei already ate so little to begin with. When he’s at home, he locks himself in the bathroom and drinks himself to sleep with the shower running. He doesn’t even use his bedroom anymore.

Aoi starts showering in Clover and Light’s bathroom instead. Light is secretly glad that Clover insisted on taking the master bathroom.

Light stops seeing Junpei’s nightmares at night. He didn’t think it would hurt so much to know that he’s completely lost Junpei’s trust. If Junpei had more money— if it wasn’t all going to alcohol— Light thinks that Junpei would have moved out and disappeared completely.

Before now, Light had been quite certain that out of all four of them, Junpei would be the first to lose a war of attrition. After all, Clover is ridiculously stubborn, and Aoi hates to admit when he’s wrong. But days turn into weeks, and Junpei shows no sign of changing.

Light realizes, with no small amount of horror, that perhaps in another timeline where Junpei does not live with them after the Nonary Game, he becomes the lifeless shell of a man much sooner.

~*~

_ It’s finally time for your first mission, except everything is going wrong. They knew you were coming. And now you’re tied to a chair, eyes wide in terror, and you can’t move. You should die here. At least then, they can’t use you as bait. At least, then, she won’t— _

_ Alice bursts into the room. The Myrmidons are ready for her, guns blazing. Alice is amazing, but she can only do so much against four armed men. Blood splatters on the floor. You can’t see everything, but you see when her body drops to the floor, dead, because of you— _

_ You’re in the warehouse, tied to a chair. Nobody is there with you, unless you count the dead man on the floor. Alice runs in and immediately her attention is drawn to the corpse beside you. She cries as she examines him, and then she looks at you. “This is your fault,” she whispers angrily. “It’s your fault, your fault, your fault—” _

_ Alice isn’t coming for you. You don’t know how long you’ve been here, but you deserve it. You’re a failure of an agent, you might as well die. You can’t reach the field anymore, too drained from hours of trying. You’re hungry. You’re tired. You’re struggling to keep your eyes open. You’re alone, and you stay that way until your last breath leaves your body... _

~*~

The first time Clover yells at him, Aoi doesn’t put too much thought into it. Work might have been stressing her out, or maybe she just had a bad nightmare or something. Besides, Aoi has a little sister, so he’s used to being yelled at for no reason. So he lets Clover rant about how he’s being too overbearing, and how he should let her cook more. Sure, those were reasonable things to ask.

But over the next week, Clover’s bad mood continues. Aoi asks about it one time and immediately gets his head bitten off. His nonexistent patience is wearing thin, and it takes a good amount of self-control to not yell right back at her. Clover storms off to her room, and Aoi knocks on Light’s door.

“Come in,” Light says. Aoi walks into the room and closes the door behind him. “Was it you that Clover was yelling at?”

“Yeah, it was. I asked her if something was going on at work and she promptly told me to fuck off,” Aoi grumbles.

“Well, something did happen at work, but we aren’t at liberty to share the details,” Light says.

Aoi snorts. “Bullshit. That’s never stopped you before.”

“I suppose it has not.” Light’s voice drops to a whisper. “Last week was our first real mission. Clover got captured and Alice had to go save her.”

“Why the hell is this the first I’m hearing about this?” Aoi says angrily.

Light sighs. “That would be my fault. Clover certainly wasn’t going to tell you about it. She’s blaming herself for the mishap when the root cause was clearly bad intel.”

Aoi’s anger fizzles out quickly. “Damn. I’m glad she’s okay, at least. No wonder she’s been so irritable lately.”

“Yes, she is in a rather sour mood. She hasn’t even talked to me about it.” Light frowns. “Perhaps this is a situation where she would normally confide in Junpei, but seeing as he is not available, she has nobody to turn to.”

Aoi groans There’s no knowing when Junpei will finally get over himself and talk to them again. “Well, there’s no way she’ll talk to you. She looks up to you way too much. She doesn’t want you to think she fucked up. Which leaves me, I guess.”

“Good luck with that. I believe she has hit a record high of five outbursts this week, all incited by you,” Light says calmly.

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve gotta wait until she wants to talk,” Aoi says, rolling his eyes. “Wonder how long that’ll take.”

“Clover is quite stubborn, but she tends to crack easily when it comes to sharing information. She thrives when she has someone to talk to. She will come around eventually.” Light smiles. “I am trusting you to help her.”

“That’s terrifying. I’ll do my best.”

Light is usually right about Clover, so Aoi takes his advice and waits. It only takes two days for her to give in.

“Aoi. I need… help,” Clover says, sitting next to him on the couch.

“Have you asked Light?” Aoi asks, mostly out of curiosity.

Clover bites her lip. “I don’t think he can help me with this.”

Aoi raises an eyebrow in surprise. “Well, shit. How the hell am I supposed to help if Mr. Know-it-all can’t?”

“Um. I don’t know.” Clover hugs her legs to her chest and rests her head on her knees. “How do I know if I have a crush on someone?”

Oh, fuck. No wonder Light can’t help with this one. “Uh, I guess you just really like a person, and you want to be around them all the time. You probably think they’re the greatest person ever.”

“How’s that different than family? Or friends?” Clover asks with a frown.

Aoi struggles to find the right words. “It’s not just that you care about them. It’s that you want them to care about you, too. You  _ want _ them, I guess.” Aoi feels awkward having this conversation with Clover, but if he doesn’t do it, nobody else will. “Maybe your crush gets stronger and turns into full blown attraction. It’s easier at that point to know that you don’t just want to be their best friend or some shit.”

“Oh.” Clover fidgets nervously. “What if… I’m not sure?”

Aoi shrugs. “Then you’re not sure. You’ll figure it out as time goes on. Feelings are hard.”

Clover makes a dissatisfied noise. “But I want to know  _ now _ .”

“Fine. Do you like this person?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you miss them when you’re not around them?”

“A little bit.”

“Do you care about their opinion of you?”

“Yeah.”

“If they left without a word and didn’t tell you where they were going, would you drop everything to find them?”

“Aoi!” Clover punches him lightly in the shoulder.

Aoi grins. “Just making sure you were paying attention. It sounds like you’re at least friends with this person, right?”

Clover nods.

“Okay. If someone else dated this person, how would you feel?”

“I… I’d be happy for them? But I’d also… be a little jealous, I think,” Clover says quietly.

“Well, there you go. You’ve got a crush,” Aoi says confidently.

“But what if I don’t want to… um, kiss? Or have sex?” Clover asks nervously.

“That might change, or it might not. You can date someone without doing either of those things,” Aoi points out. “If you  _ do _ end up doing those things, I don’t want to know about it, by the way.”

Clover wrinkles her nose. “Why would I tell  _ you _ about it?”

“I’m just laying down the rules now before I get caught up in a conversation that I don’t want to be a part of,” Aoi says defensively.

Clover smiles a little at that. “So. What do I do now?”

“You’re not going to learn shit by keeping this to yourself. Talk to the person and see how they feel. Figure out what you want to do together.” Wow, Aoi feels like a fucking parent giving advice to his child.

“Okay.” Clover nods, and she finally looks relaxed. “How do you know all this stuff? Have you fallen in love before?”

Aoi shrugs. “I wouldn’t go that far. I’ve had a crush, but I didn’t act on it. Wasn’t really the right time or place. And then all this Nonary shit happened and I stopped thinking about romance.”

“Would you date someone now?” Clover asks.

Aoi gives her a suspicious look. “Please don’t tell me that you have a crush on  _ me _ .”

Clover’s eyes widen and she shakes her head fervently. “No way. Ew, that’s weird to even think about. I have a crush on Alice.”

“Huh. I should have figured that out myself. You never shut up about her,” Aoi remarks.

Clover blushes. “She’s just… really cool.” 

Aoi resists the urge to tease her. “To answer your question, hell no. Right now, I’m a nocturnal house husband who’s taking care of an alcoholic and two government agents and trying to track down a terrorist organization that works in the shadows. The last thing I need is another damn thing on my plate.”

Clover takes his hand gently. “You could always let us take some of your responsibilities, you know. You don’t have to give up your freedom for us.”

Aoi shakes his head. “It’s not like that. I’ve been taking care of Akane since I was eight years old. I don’t even know what a social life  _ is _ . Hell, it’s weird to not be taking care of anyone.”

“Aw, you really  _ are _ a mom!” Clover coos.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Clover giggles. “I think you should get to have your own life, Aoi. You should think about what  _ you _ want.”

“Fuck, I don’t know. I want Junpei to be stable and I want Akane to come back. I can’t see past that right now,” Aoi admits.

“Just think about it. You don’t have to figure it out right now.” Clover stands up. “Thanks, Aoi. I’m supposed to meet up with her tonight, so maybe I’ll tell her how I feel.”

“Good luck.”

“Thanks, Mom!”

“Fuck you!” Aoi yells as Clover runs away laughing.

It’s good to hear her laugh again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Junpei canonically drinks himself to sleep in the bathtub every night, because apparently he can't catch a break. According to him, it's the only way that the smell of blood goes away. Poor guy.
> 
> As you might have noticed, I'm taking some liberties in interpreting morphogenetic field theory. I really just think that the game should've let some of the other espers actually... use their powers... And if Junpei can't catch a break anyway, might as well give him something else to deal with, you know?
> 
> SUMMARIES
> 
> Aoi, Light, and Clover try to stop Junpei from drinking so much. In response, he completely shuts them out and stops talking with them.
> 
> Clover (and possibly Light and Aoi) has a dream after her first mission with SOIS, reflecting her insecurity around the mission's failure and her fear that Alice hates her now.


	7. September 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are tense after Junpei stops talking to the others. But these things sometimes have a way of resolving themselves.
> 
> In which Junpei makes multiple stupid decisions in a row, and everyone else is too busy dealing with their own stupid decisions to notice his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, we're skipping the month of August. Just pretend that all of them are miserable and Junpei continues not to talk to anyone. I can only write so much teen angst.
> 
> Remember when Light and Aoi made a bad decision to not tell Clover or Junpei about certain things? Well, now it's coming back to bite them :)
> 
> VLR SPOILERS  
> \- when Junpei goes into the bathroom, there is a brief allusion to a scene in VLR Luna route
> 
> TRIGGERS  
> \- first segment: panic attack (skip the rest of the paragraph starting at "there's nothing stopping the static"), mentions of panic attacks and anxiety throughout the rest of the section, mentions of alcoholism  
> \- second segment: mentions of blood and death (skip from "feels himself starting to drift off" to "The alarm goes off")  
> \- third segment: mention of weight loss  
> \- fourth segment, onwards: alcohol withdrawal and mentions of hospitalization (I'll summarize at the bottom)

“That’s it! I’m leaving. If you want to keep your secrets all to yourself, you can live by yourself, too!” Clover yells, and she marches out of the apartment and slams the door.

Light and Aoi stand there, paralyzed by surprise. Finally, Light turns away and walks to his room.

As soon as Light and Clover are gone, there’s nothing stopping the static ringing in Aoi’s ears. His chest constricts involuntarily, he can’t breathe, it feels like the whole world is spinning. He thinks his knees collapse under him but he can’t tell. The whole world melts away and it’s just him, alone. The darkness is pressing in on him, pushing him down. He can’t move. He can’t think. He can’t—

“Breathe. C-c’mon, Aoi, uh… in for three, out for four? I-I think?” Aoi latches on to the voice. Right. Breathing. “Yeah, like that. Um. Good… job…?”

Aoi doesn’t know how long he sits there, breathing, until the static fades and the world comes back into focus. He’s sitting on the floor against a wall. There’s carpet underneath him. The couch is in front of him, maybe? And next to him, patting him awkwardly on the shoulder, is— “Junpei.”

Junpei’s eyes widen, and he scoots away instinctively. “I…”

Aoi’s throat is closing up again. He squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on breathing. In. Out. In. Out. Fuck, fuck, he’s losing control again.

“I can leave, i-if—”

“Please don’t,” Aoi manages, the words strangled in his throat.

“Okay.” Junpei scoots back closer to him, and Aoi notices that Junpei  _ doesn’t _ smell like alcohol for a change. He must have just gotten back from work. Except even then, he’s normally drunk.

“You’re sober?” Aoi asks.

Junpei laughs weakly. “Yeah, you chose a good time to have a panic attack, I guess. That’s what that was, right?”

“Yeah.” Aoi closes his eyes, takes a breath, opens them again. His thoughts are scrambled. “Why?”

“Why… what? Why am I sober? I had to drive for a job and I just got back. I guess I could’ve stopped at a bar on the way, but I just… felt like I needed to come home. I don’t know.”

Aoi snorts. Leave it to the morphogenetic field to save him when he least expects it. “You’re an idiot. That’s not what I was asking. Why are you talking to me again?”

“Oh.” Junpei gives Aoi a puzzled look. “What the hell, dude? I saw you panicking and I— goddamn, Aoi, you’re more important than some stupid grudge. I wasn’t just going to leave you here.”

Aoi doesn’t know how to feel about that. It’s easy for him to forget that maybe, the people he thinks of as his family care about him, too.

“Er, if you don’t mind me asking, what happened? I saw Clover walk out as I was on my way in.”

Aoi swallows hard. His throat is dry and it’s still a little hard to breathe. “Light and Clover got into an argument and Clover stormed out of the apartment. I— I panicked, I don’t know why. I’ve never heard them so angry at each other.”

“Oh.” Junpei doesn’t say anything else for a while, just sits there, but that’s enough for Aoi right now. He just needs to breathe. He’s not alone. He’s not alone.

Aoi finally opens his eyes and turns to look at Junpei. Junpei’s face is sunken and pale and he has dark circles under his eyes. His whole body is trembling. “You look like shit,” Aoi says before he can stop himself.

“Yeah. I feel like shit, too. Haven’t slept in a couple days.” Junpei leans back against the wall and closes his eyes. “I’ve got tomorrow off. I’ll be fine. The last thing you need right now is to worry about  _ me _ .”

“You are easily the person I worry about the most,” Aoi says drily.

“Even when I wasn’t talking to you guys?”

“Even when you weren’t talking to us.”

There’s a moment of silence as Junpei lets that sit with him. “How long have you been having these panic attacks? How frequent are they?”

“I don’t know. Maybe since the First Nonary Game.” Aoi averts his gaze. He doesn’t like talking about his problems; it’s easier when he’s helping everyone else. “They’ve been more frequent lately, but it’s fine. They’re not new.”

“Do I… have I ever made you panic like that?”

“I’m not answering that question,” Aoi says flatly.

Junpei sighs heavily and he opens his eyes. “I’m sorry. I probably made things worse when I stopped talking to you, didn’t I?”

“You sure fucking did,” Aoi says, but there’s no heat behind his words. He’s too tired to be angry.

Junpei hangs his head. “I really am sorry. I was being  _ stupid _ . I was angry at first, but I know you guys are right. I’m a fucking mess, okay? I know that. I know I drink too much. But I can’t—” Junpei’s voice cracks. “I don’t want to know what will happen if I stop. I’ll start seeing things again, and I… I don’t think I can take it anymore.”

Aoi silently wraps his arms around Junpei, and for a moment, he’s afraid Junpei will pull away, but he just sighs again and rests his head on Aoi’s shoulder. “After a while, it was just… easier not to talk. I thought maybe, if I just stopped talking, you would all forget that I existed, and I could just disappear. I almost left a lot of times, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just— if I couldn’t see you guys every day, I wouldn’t know you were okay. And I...” Junpei faltered. “I really needed to know. That the three of you were alive.”

“I’m glad you didn’t leave,” Aoi says quietly.

“Yeah. Me, too.” Junpei closes his eyes, and he starts nodding off.

“Go to sleep,” Aoi says gently.

Junpei opens his eyes and gives Aoi a weak smile. “Yeah, well, I’m not sure that’s going to happen, but I’ll try.” He lifts his head off Aoi’s shoulder and begins to stand up, then pauses. “You’re not… going to stop me? From sleeping in the bathtub?”

Aoi rolls his eyes. “You  _ really  _ think I want to start another fight after what just happened with Light and Clover?” Aoi shakes his head. “Do whatever helps you sleep, dumbass. I couldn’t stop you even if I wanted to.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Junpei stands up slowly and looks down at Aoi. “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“Junpei, you look like you could fall over at any moment. Go the fuck to sleep,” Aoi says dully. Junpei hesitates for a moment, then kneels down and gives Aoi a quick hug. Softie.

Still, Aoi feels a lot better when he hears the bathroom door close. He has a lot to think about, but for now, he’ll settle for passing out on the couch.

~*~

Junpei closes the door to the bathroom and slides down against it. He’s relieved that Aoi didn’t ask  _ why _ he hasn’t been sleeping; he hasn’t had anything more than a beer for a couple days, and the withdrawal symptoms have been hellish. He hadn’t lied about it being for a job, although that’s hardly ever stopped Junpei from drinking before. But this had been an important job, a job he couldn’t turn down.

He and Seven had destroyed the Free the Souls headquarters.

It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but he’d asked Seven to restrain him any time he tried to sneak a drink. He couldn’t afford to make a stupid mistake on a mission like that. Luckily, Seven was way stronger than Junpei and had no trouble keeping him in check.

Seven isn’t here anymore, and there’s an unopened bottle of scotch waiting for Junpei under the sink. Finally, he can let go. He’s been shaking and sweating uncontrollably for the last two days, and the hallucinations are starting to come back.

But... if Light and Clover really had a fight, Light’s going to be a mess, and Aoi deserves some time to rest after experiencing so much anxiety. The least he can do is stay sober a little longer and watch over them. He’s already sober. It won’t be hard.

Maybe he can just have a sip. Just a little bit can’t hurt.

He blinks, and he can see Clover’s dead body sprawled across the staircase of the Gigantic. Fuck.

Junpei takes a deep breath. The bathroom has two doors, one leading out to the living room, and one leading into the bedroom. Junpei locks the door leading to the bedroom, then quietly opens the door leading out of the living room. Aoi is fast asleep on the couch, but Junpei doubts that he’ll be asleep for long. Aoi’s a workaholic. When there’s something unresolved, he can’t sleep. Once the anxiety wears off, he’ll wake up again. And Junpei’s counting on that. Aoi will catch him if he tries to get a drink.

Junpei enters the bedroom and sits down on the bed. He doubts he’s going to be able to sleep, but he sets a timer on his phone for ten minutes and plugs in his headphones so Aoi won’t hear it go off. It’s just a precaution, just a test. He closes his eyes and feels himself starting to drift off.

He’s handcuffed to a sink, blood smeared on his hands. Clover is handcuffed to the sink next to him, and she’s bleeding, too and struggling to stay awake. He tugs as hard as he can, but he can’t get the damn handcuffs off, and he doesn’t know why, but it feels like if he doesn’t move soon, they’re both going to die—

The alarm goes off, and Junpei jolts awake, tears dotting his cheeks. Fuck. He can’t do this. He won’t be sleeping tonight, then.

He pulls out his phone, hands trembling as he does. He doesn’t expect a response, but if he doesn’t do this, he’s going to lose his mind.

**Junpei** : I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole the last couple of months. You can chew me out all you want but first, are you somewhere safe? Sorry, just, you know. Kidnappings. I know I’m being paranoid.   
**Junpei** : I don’t know the details of what happened, and I doubt you want to tell me about it. I don’t even deserve to know that you’re okay. Maybe I’m asking too much.   
**Junpei** : If you don’t want to talk to me, can you at least let Aoi know you’re safe when you get a chance? I think you really scared him when you walked out like that. The last person who did that to him was Akane, and, well, she hasn’t come back.

Clover responds almost immediately. Junpei doesn’t know why.

**Clover** : First of all, screw you for not talking to us the last couple of months. I’m going to kick your ass when I see you again. Second of all, shit, I didn’t even think about that. Is Aoi okay?   
**Junpei** : Yeah, he’s okay now. He’s asleep.   
**Clover** : Okay. I’m safe, but I’m not coming home tonight. I don’t want to even think about it right now.   
**Clover** : I’m at Alice’s place. If you tell them that, I’ll kill you.   
**Junpei** : Lips sealed.   
**Clover** : I’m still mad at you, by the way. This doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven you.   
**Junpei** : Yeah, I know. I owe you big time.   
**Junpei** : Thanks, Clover.   
**Clover** : Are you okay? I mean. It’s pretty late, you’re usually drunk and incoherent by now.   
**Junpei** : Trust me, I want nothing more than to black out in the bathtub, but if I do that, nobody’s here to look after Aoi and Light.   
**Junpei** : You know how your brother gets when he’s worried about you.   
**Clover** : Well, he’s stupid and he deserves it.   
**Clover** : But thank you, Junpei.   
**Junpei** : You should probably wait to thank me until you know for sure that I don’t go back on my word.   
**Clover** : Oh, please. Just the fact that you’re even considering putting the bottle down tonight is enough for me.   
**Junpei** : I’ll do what I can.   
**Clover** : Thanks. Good night.

Junpei sends a quick text to Hazuki and Seven letting them know what’s going on just in case he  _ does _ pass out, and then he forces himself to his feet. He can’t just sit here doing nothing, or he’ll cave in and drink. He has some case files he can go through, some paperwork he can fill out. It’s going to be a long night, but maybe it will make up for everything else Junpei’s done.

~*~

Light doesn’t want to get out of bed the next morning. That’s not particularly unusual, but today, he  _ really _ does not want to get up. He’s about to roll over and fall back asleep when he hears Junpei’s voice, very faint but there. Curiosity gets the better of him, and he drags himself to the kitchen.

“Oh, Light. You’re awake.” Junpei sounds as surprised as Light feels.

“Yes, I do tend to wake up every day whether I want to or not. More surprising is the fact that you’ve deigned to talk to me again. Are you suffering amnesia, perhaps?” Light says snippily, sitting down at the dining table.

“God, I wish,” Junpei mutters. “No, I just decided I was done being stupid. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Huh? That’s it?” The table shakes a little, and Light realizes that Junpei had been resting his head on it until just now. “No strings attached? Nothing I need to do to make up for it?”

“I’m quite certain you are guilty about your behavior, and that is punishment enough,” Light says airily.

Junpei groans and rests his head back on the table. “That’s the worst punishment of all. Thanks, Light.”

“My pleasure. What time is it?”

“It’s three o’clock in the afternoon, asshole. Welcome to the ranks of the living,” Aoi calls from the general direction of the kitchen.

“How was I supposed to know? You didn’t wake me,” Light says, unaffected by Aoi’s dismay.

“Yeah, well, maybe I wasn’t awake to be your alarm clock for the day. Ever think of that?” Aoi snaps. He places a cup of tea and a bowl of cereal in front of Light and takes the seat next to him.

“Aoi only woke up an hour ago.  _ I _ was the first one awake,” Junpei says miserably.

“Oh, my. We’ll have to record this in the history books,” Light says with a small smile.

Junpei groans. “Leave me alone. I stayed sober all damn night for you.”

Light raises an eyebrow but decides not to comment. “Has Clover come back?”

“No, but she texted me. She’s safe,” Junpei answers.

“That is good to hear,” Light says evenly, pushing his relief under his annoyance. “In that case, I will be returning to bed.”

Aoi grabs Light’s wrist and shoves a spoon into his hand. “Oh, no you don’t. Eat your food first, damn it.”

“If I must.” Light eats slowly. He’s sure that the food tastes good, because it’s Aoi’s cooking, but everything tastes bland to him right now.

“Do I have to eat all of this?” Junpei whines.

“Yes, you do. You, too, Light. You’re both underweight as hell.” Aoi, as usual, is unfazed by Junpei’s complaining. Light sees no point in trying to argue, so he finishes his portion as Aoi requested and then stands up. “I’m giving you one day of sulking, and then you and Clover are going to talk through this.”

Light sighs. Aoi is such a nuisance, really. “And what if I refuse?”

“Like hell you’ll refuse! I’m not letting you two drag on this petty argument any longer than that,” Aoi growls.

“Clover is more likely to come back if I give her some space. She is not as inconsiderate as Akane,” Light says coldly. He knows it’s a low blow, but he doesn’t care. He’s tired, he’s annoyed, and he wants to sleep until the end of the world.

“Yeah, well, that can change if you’re not careful,” Aoi says bitterly. “I’m not having this conversation with you now. Go sulk in your stupid hidey hole.”

“With pleasure.” Light spins on his heel and marches off to his room.

He lays in bed for half an hour without any luck in falling asleep. Aoi’s words keep echoing in his head:  _ That can change if you’re not careful _ . No. Clover would never leave for good without telling him.

Would she?

~*~

“Hey, I’m going to step out and call Clover,” Junpei says, aiming his gaze at the most Aoi-shaped blur in his field of vision. Wow, he really needs some sleep. Or maybe this is the alcohol withdrawal? Whatever. Junpei can’t think right now. He’s dizzy and his vision keeps going out of focus like a really shitty camera.

“If you fall down the stairs, I’m not calling an ambulance,” Aoi responds, which is as close as Junpei’s getting to approval.

“We live on the first floor,” Junpei mumbles. His hand is trembling violently as he fumbles with the doorknob. “Want me to lock the door?”

“Don’t need to. I’ll be sitting here working.”

Thank god. Junpei doesn’t think he can handle the finer movements required to use a key right now. His whole body has been racked with tremors since early this morning, and his vision is only getting blurrier. The smart thing to do would be to take a nap, or get a drink, or both, but nobody ever said Junpei was smart. Junpei finally manages to get the door open and closes it gently behind him. He doesn’t go too far, just down the street where there’s a bench at the bus stop. He doesn’t think he can stand for too long without collapsing.

With his stupid shaking hands, he pulls out his phone and calls Clover. She picks up almost immediately. “Who uses  _ phone calls _ in this day and age?” she gripes.

“People whose hands are shaking so badly that they can’t send a text message,” Junpei says drily.

“Junpei, no offense, but you sound like a dying man,” Clover says seriously.

“Yeah, I kind of feel like one, too, but I can’t fall asleep. But hey, I stayed sober last night like I promised. Your brother is trying to drown himself in blankets, and Aoi is cooking enough food to feed a small army. He says that it’s fine if you’re angry with him and you don’t want to come back, but he’s going to make me deliver meals to you since I won’t tell him where you are.”

“Oh my god. What a mother hen.” Clover sighs. “I don’t think I’m mad at  _ him _ anymore. He was just trying to mediate, and he took my brother’s side, like he  _ always _ does. I just couldn’t take it and I walked out on a whim.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Depends. Are you going to drop dead before I finish?”

Junpei groans and runs his free hand through his hair. Wow, he really needs a haircut. “This isn’t my first time facing alcohol withdrawal. I have to skip drinking when I’m working cases undercover. Just talk to me.” A slight lie, but Junpei thinks it’s necessary. He wants Light and Clover to make up.

“Okay, okay. I already talked to Alice about it, but you know Light better than she does, so maybe you can help.” Clover pauses. “Did  _ you  _ know that Light wants to quit working at SOIS?”

“How the hell would I know that? I haven’t been talking to either of you for the last few months,” Junpei says with a frown. “I don’t think it’s all that surprising, though. He looks miserable after work.”

“Um, well, I guess receiving all day is pretty draining, and he’s been pretty low on energy as it is and… Ugh, I feel so stupid for not noticing,” Clover says softly. “I got mad at him because he’s wanted to quit for  _ months _ . And Aoi knew, too, and neither of them said anything to me! The only reason I found out is because I saw something I wasn’t supposed to. Why didn’t he say something? Does he really think I care if he chooses to do something else with his life, something that he  _ actually _ wants to do?”

“Let me guess, he doesn’t want to abandon you,” Junpei says.

“Yeah. Because apparently I can’t take care of myself. I’m still a child in his eyes. What do I have to do to prove to him that I can do this on my  _ own _ ?” Clover is shouting now. Junpei winces as his headache spikes and for a moment, his vision goes dark. He squeezes his eyes shut, and when he opens them again, he can see. Mostly. He’s still dizzy. 

What was Clover talking about again? Right. Overbearing siblings. “I think you’ve got it all wrong, Clover. Light thinks the world of you. He knows you can do anything you want to. Hell, we all do.” Junpei closes his eyes, and when he opens them, Clover is standing in front of him holding an axe and reaching her hand out.  _ Shit _ . That was  _ not _ what he’d meant at all by ‘anything she wanted to.’ He felt guilty for even hallucinating it in the first place.

“Junpei?” Clover’s fiery voice cuts through the haze.

“Yeah. I’m here. Sorry. Being sober feels more like being drunk than being drunk does,” he says, and then he replays the words in his head and realizes how little sense he’s making. “Anyway. Light knows you can do anything. There’s no way he’s worried about that. I think he probably just doesn’t want you to feel like he’s ditched you, or that there’s something more important to him than supporting you.”

“Oh. I hadn’t thought of that,” Clover says slowly.

“I can’t guarantee anything, obviously, but Light seems like the kind of guy to put your feelings before his own. If he thought that quitting would make you sad, then he wouldn’t do it.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he would do that, wouldn’t he,” Clover says, sounding more and more convinced. “He’s so dumb! Why didn’t he just talk to me about this?”

“Clover, you live with two emotionally constipated men and an alcoholic. None of the three of us know how to process our feelings,” Junpei says drily. Clover laughs, and it’s music to his ears. He stands up and starts walking back to the apartment. “You can decide whether you want to talk to him about this or not, but there’s no chance that Light’s going to make the first move. Knowing him, he probably thinks you’re happier now that you’re away from him.”

“You’re right. And, um, honestly, I miss him, too,” Clover admits quietly. “I’ll come back soon.”

“Sounds good. I’d offer to help, but I think I’m about two minutes away from passing out,” Junpei says candidly. He’s almost back to the apartment, and his legs are wobbling just from the short walk.

“Junpei, what the hell? Why are you still talking to me, then? You’re stupid!” Junpei’s so dizzy that vomit is starting to rise in the back of his throat. He reaches for the doorknob, but he can’t find the strength to turn it, so he knocks on the door instead. He tries to say something to Clover, but the world sways beneath him, or maybe he’s the one swaying, he can’t tell. He thinks maybe he feels the door open and someone catches him as he falls, but everything’s starting to go fuzzy, so it’s possible he’s just making it up. His hallucinations have always been far too realistic. Whatever it is, Junpei can’t bring himself to care any longer. He closes his eyes and lets sleep claim him.

~*~

Aoi opens the apartment door just in time to catch Junpei as he tumbles forward. “What the fuck?” Aoi drags Junpei over the threshold. Junpei is taller than Aoi, but he’s also lost a lot of weight since the Nonary Game, so Aoi is able to carry him over to the couch without too much trouble. Just as he’s finishing up, his phone rings in his pocket. “Huh?” He picks up without checking the caller ID. “Hello?”

“Is Junpei okay? I was in the middle of talking to him, and he just hung up suddenly!” Clover says, sounding as distressed as Aoi feels.

“He hasn’t slept for a few days, apparently. We’ll keep an eye on him,” Aoi says wearily.

“He hasn’t slept at  _ all _ ? Oh my god. He said he was facing alcohol withdrawal symptoms, too. He must be miserable right now.”

Something clicks in Aoi’s head and his eyes widen. “Oh, fuck, do you think he hasn’t had  _ alcohol _ for a few days, too? And that’s why he wasn’t sleeping?”

“Oh my god. I-I’m coming back. I don’t even know if I can help, but I can’t just sit here.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Aoi, I’m more worried about Junpei’s health than I am about some stupid argument I had with Light. I’ll be right there.” Clover hangs up, and Aoi sighs. Now he has  _ two _ idiots to take care of. He knocks on Light’s door and then opens it.

“Clover’s coming back,” he says to Light. Light sits up immediately.

“How kind of her.” Light does his best to keep an even expression, but Aoi knows him well enough to see the nervousness hidden in plain sight.

“Also, Junpei just passed out, either from sleep deprivation or alcohol withdrawal. Or both. I’m not a fucking doctor, I don’t know.”

Light slips out of bed. “If he’s experiencing the symptoms of alcohol withdrawal and sleep deprivation simultaneously, he must be quite miserable. His life might be in danger.”

Aoi and Light head back to the living room. Junpei is mumbling frantically in his sleep, his face twisted in a tortured expression. “What do we do?” Aoi says, his panic quickly building. Fuck, now is not the time for a panic attack.

Light sits down at the foot of the couch and puts a hand on Junpei’s forehead. “He does not seem to have a fever, which is a good sign, but we need to keep an eye on him.”

“Fuck. Okay.” Aoi needs something to do. He walks back to the door to close it and finds Junpei’s phone on the ground, screen miraculously not cracked, so he picks that up, too, and places it on the table. He cleans up the dishes from his cooking spree that morning and starts boxing up leftovers into individual portions. He’s just finishing up when he hears a key turn in the lock.

Clover dashes in through the front door, hardly pausing to lock the door behind her. She lets out a sigh of relief when she sees Junpei asleep on the couch. “Why does he have to be such an idiot all the time?”

“Being a dumbass is one of the requirements for living in this apartment,” Aoi deadpans.

Clover hesitates, glancing over at Light, who has not so much as moved since Clover entered the room. “Yeah,” she says softly. “Maybe it is. I… I’m sorry for running out like that. I didn’t mean to make you worry. Both of you.”

“Uh, sure.” Aoi looks to Clover, then back at Light, who still hasn’t reacted at all. “I’m going to leave and let you two talk this out on your own.”

“That won’t be necessary, Aoi.” Light’s voice is shaking. “Clover, I need to apologize. I did not consider your feelings when I chose to withhold information about my own situation, and in doing so, I hurt you. I have failed you as a brother, and for that, I am deeply sorry. I hope you can forgive me.”

Clover pulls Light into a hug. “You think too much. I’m the one at fault here, silly. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry. I mean, you’re allowed to have secrets. I just… I love you. I want you to be happy, too, you know? Just as much as you want me to be happy. If that means quitting SOIS, then you should do it.”

“I… I see.” Light tears up a little, and Aoi resists the immediate urge to take a picture for blackmail purposes. “Thank you, Clover. I love you very much.”

“You guys’re actually making up, right? I’m not just seeing things again?” Junpei mumbles sleepily from the couch. His eyes are cracked open slightly.

“What the hell are you doing awake? Go back to sleep,” Aoi scolds.

“’M trying. Had another… nightmare.” Junpei’s eyelids flutter shut. “Had to make sure… you guys were alive.”

“Would it help if we stayed here with you?” Clover says gently.

“Dunno. Having a bad time.” Junpei moans quietly and curls up into a ball.

“Junpei, can you tell us what symptoms you are experiencing?” Light says calmly. His fingers are gentle as he moves Junpei’s hair out of his eyes.

“Dizzy. Nauseous. Everything’s too loud. Shaky. Tired. Can’t… think.” With each word, Junpei’s voice grows weaker. “Feel like throwing up.”

“Don’t you fucking dare ruin my couch with vomit or I’ll become life-threatening, too.” Aoi doesn’t think he’s spoken that loudly, but Junpei still flinches and buries his head in the crook of his elbow. His headache must be terrible.

“Light… am I gonna die?” Junpei asks slowly.

“I would hope not. What’s the point in you talking to all of us again if we just let you die immediately afterwards?” Light says, as calm as ever. Aoi wishes he could be that calm right now. 

“Oh. Okay. Love… you guys… ” Junpei says, his voice trailing off as he starts to fall asleep again.

“He’s so stupid,” Clover says, shaking her head in disappointment.

“We all are,” Light says, lips quirked up in a small smile.

Aoi looks down at Junpei’s peaceful smile, then at Clover and Light, who are still hugging each other tightly. _Yeah_ , Aoi thinks. _We are_ _stupid. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world_.

~*~

Junpei wakes up feeling very disoriented. He vaguely recalls talking to Clover about something and then passing out, but he can’t remember much more. His head is killing him and his heart is pounding for some reason. Is he in captivity? Did he fall asleep during a job? Maybe something important is going on and he fucked up. Junpei sits up way too quickly and his vision goes gray for a few seconds. He feels so, so dizzy.

“Whoa, whoa, take it easy,” he hears Aoi say. Okay, he’s in the apartment, then. Right? That’s what would make the most sense.

“What… time is it?” Junpei asks and immediately regrets it. The moment he speaks, he becomes aware of overpowering nausea and hunger. He wants to vomit, but he can’t even muster up the strength to move again. Why does he feel so  _ sluggish _ ?

“It’s mid-morning. I already called in to your workplace and told them that you were sick, so don’t worry about that,” Aoi says.

Junpei tries to sit up again, this time slower. That’s when he notices the IV stuck in his arm. “What…?” He looks up, and there’s a fluid bag hanging on a metal stand next to his bed. Junpei’s heart begins to beat faster and his breaths get shorter. Is he in a hospital? He doesn’t want to be in a hospital. Hospitals just remind Junpei of all the shit he’s seen, of all the people who didn’t get saved on time.

“Hey, hey, calm down. You’re home. You’re okay.” Aoi sits on a chair next to the bed and runs his hand through Junpei’s hair. Junpei closes his eyes. It always feels good when his friends do this. It makes him feel like he’s loved.

“IV… why?” Junpei manages.

Aoi sighs. “I know you don’t like anesthesia, but we had no choice. We had to drug you to sleep. Your body needed rest really badly, and you kept waking up.”

Junpei’s mind drifts to Soporil, to kidnapping, to Nonary Games, and his chest starts to tighten. He tries to yank out the IV, but Aoi grabs his wrist, and he isn’t strong enough to pull away.

“Junpei,  _ calm down _ . It’s just nutrients and water right now. No more anesthetic. Come on, breathe with me. In for four, out for eight.” Aoi takes Junpei’s hand and gently places it on his chest so that Junpei can feel the steadiness of his breath. It takes Junpei a while to slow his breathing down. His head is still pounding and he’s dizzy.

“I’m sorry.” Junpei doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for, but he feels like there’s something he’s forgetting. Whatever landed him in bed was his fault, he thinks. He isn’t sure, and his brain is still full of fog. Junpei tries to open his eyes again, but he can’t. He’s so tired. He’s never wanted to sleep this badly before. “I… messed up. Right?”

“No. You made a mistake, but you didn’t know. It’s okay.” Aoi’s voice is so soothing and soft. It’s nothing like his usual self. Why’s he being so nice?

As he drifts off to sleep, he hopes that Aoi isn’t secretly about to have a panic attack.

~*~

When Junpei wakes up again, Hazuki and Seven are in the room. Hazuki is sitting at Aoi’s desk doing something on her computer, and Seven is sitting next to the bed working on a crossword puzzle. Junpei’s first thought is that this must be a hallucination, but this would be a pretty tame thing for him to hallucinate. He reaches out and touches Seven’s arm to make sure.

“Good morning, kid. How are ya feeling?” Seven says.

Junpei frowns. Seven is real. That means Hazuki is probably real, too. He sits up to get a better look at her. She does  _ look _ pretty real. “Why are you here?”

Hazuki scoffs and closes her laptop. “Honestly, Junpei, you can be so dense sometimes. You really think we wouldn’t visit you after you almost died?”

“Died…?” Junpei tries to remember what happened, but it’s no use. His head is all scrambled. “My memory’s still foggy, but I’ll take your word for it. How long was I out?”

Hazuki and Seven exchange a glance. “You were out for a week and change,” Seven says finally. “You’re damn lucky it was only that long.”

“A whole week…” Junpei trails off. A week of lost time. Of people taking care of him. Of him digging his debts to everyone that much deeper. “I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t cause too much trouble.”

Hazuki walks over to the bed and gives him a bewildered look. “Junpei. Please listen to the words that you’re saying and tell me if they make any sense.”

“He’s not gonna get it on his own, babe,” Seven says with a grin. Hazuki sighs heavily.

“Fine. What are you apologizing for?” Hazuki asks Junpei.

“I… don’t know? Everything?” Junpei is so confused. He doesn’t understand what they’re trying to get at. “I just get the feeling that this is my fault. Like I did something stupid.”

“The only stupid thing you did is you ignored how quickly your condition was deteriorating, but that’s hardly new,” Hazuki says dismissively.

“Oh.” Yeah, that really isn’t new. It’s the only way Junpei can get through a day of work. And he has to, because he knows he’s getting closer to finding Akane. “Um, what happened, then?”

“Do you remember the mission that we went on together?” Seven asks.

Junpei furrows his eyebrows, then nods. “Free the Soul headquarters. But I don’t remember taking any bad injuries.”

Seven shakes his head. “You didn’t. Do you know what happened after that?”

“Um… I think… I came back home? And Light and Clover were having an argument. I don’t… I don’t really remember anything after that.”

“That checks out. Sleep deprivation can lead to memory loss, you know,” Hazuki says with a hint of disapproval in her voice.

Admittedly, sleep is Junpei’s least favorite part of the day, but he usually gets a fair amount if he drinks enough. Except Junpei had been too anxious about the Free the Soul job, so he hadn’t slept at all. But after coming back, he should’ve slept, right?

“It’s no good. I can’t remember anything else,” Junpei says dejectedly.

“Well, according to Light and Aoi, you stayed sober that night because you were worried about them and Clover,” Hazuki says.

Junpei’s eyes widen. “Which means I didn’t sleep.”

“Bingo. You didn’t sleep for seventy-two hours in a row. At that point, most people are delusional,” Hazuki says seriously. “Of course, you probably didn’t even notice, because to you, the hallucinations are normal.”

“Yeah…” Junpei grimaces. He can see where this is going now. “God, I’m so stupid.”

“It’s not all your fault, kid. It’s gotta be hard to think straight when you’re that tired,” Seven says, putting a comforting hand on Junpei’s shoulder.

“I don’t know how much you know about alcohol withdrawal, but essentially, your nervous system struggles to handle the sudden drop in alcohol content in your bloodstream. Doctors usually recommend gradually stopping alcohol consumption over the course of  _ weeks _ ,” Hazuki says pointedly.

Junpei winces. “Oh. Shit.”

Hazuki seems satisfied by Junpei’s reaction. “Luckily, Mr. Moneybags was able to get in-home treatment for you, since he knew you would panic in the hospital. According to the doctor, you might be facing symptoms for the next couple of weeks while your body readjusts.”

“Aoi already called in and got you the next two weeks off,” Seven says, and then, seeing Junpei’s distress, adds, “Think it through. You can’t work like this.”

Junpei knows that Seven is right. But having that much free time and nothing to do with it is a dangerous thing for Junpei. There’s nothing stopping him from drinking all day. From thinking about Akane. From letting his guilt overtake him.

“Talk to us. What’s going on in your head?” Seven says gently.

“If… if I’m unoccupied, I… I’ll think too much,” Junpei says quietly, his voice trembling. “I’ll be stuck in my own head. With… with the nightmares. A-and, maybe… maybe my drinking will get even worse.”

“Hey. Look at me.” Hazuki kneels down next to the bed and takes Junpei’s hands in her own. “We’re not going to let that happen. Okay?”

Junpei meets Hazuki’s gaze and he sees so much… fire. How can she be so certain? How can she have so much  _ faith _ ? Junpei looks up at Seven, and sees the same determination in his eyes. He doesn’t understand. It doesn’t make sense. 

“You can’t… guarantee that.” Junpei’s gaze drops to his lap, to his trembling hands. “I might— I might  _ lie _ to you, or— or run away. I— I have no self-control.”

Hazuki smiles. “Okay.”

“Okay? That’s it.”

“Mhm. Okay.”

“I don’t…” Junpei looks at Hazuki, then Seven, then Hazuki again. “I don’t understand. Why? Why are you being so nice to me?”

Seven shrugs. “Do we have to have a reason? We just want to.”

“But—”

“Junpei. What is your relationship with your parents like?” Hazuki asks, and Junpei is confused by the sudden change of topic, but she looks determined to hear the answer.

“They’re pretty distant. They’ve always been hands-off. I didn’t tell them about the Nonary Game,” Junpei says quietly.

Hazuki nods. “Okay so maybe that’s why you don’t understand. Let me ask you this. If Aoi, or Clover, or Light was in your position, would you help them?”

“Of course.” Junpei doesn’t even have to think about the answer.

“Why?”

“I care about them. I want to help them however I can, even if… even if I’m not very good at it.”

“Well, there you have it. We all want to help you, too.” Hazuki smiles warmly. “Is that a good enough answer for you?”

Junpei feels tears pricking the corners of his eyes. He doesn’t know why he’s crying. He just feels so… overwhelmed? Grateful? It’s hard to say. “Yeah. It is.”

“All right, that’s enough of that. You look dead tired. Get some more rest,” Seven says, and he gently lays Junpei back down on the bed.

Junpei  _ is _ tired, but he doesn’t want to sleep. But if Hazuki and Seven are taking care of him, he should make it easier for them. So he closes his eyes and lets his exhaustion take over.

~*~

Group Chat:  **Hazuki, Seven, Aoi, Light, Clover**

**Hazuki** : I told him he’s been at home the whole time. He seemed to buy it, but it might be because he’s still disoriented.   
**Aoi** : well no offense to junpei but he’s pretty fucking dense   
**Aoi** : we should be in the clear   
**Aoi** : already paid all the hospital bills so there’s no evidence   
**Clover** : are we sure this is a good idea? hiding this from him?   
**Aoi** : we can tell him eventually but right now I don’t want him to panic   
**Aoi** : the last thing we need is for him to run out the door when he just started talking to us again   
**Seven** : I don’t like this at all.   
**Light** : I do not like lying to Junpei, either, but I believe it is the best choice for now. We need to maintain his trust at least until his life is no longer in danger.   
**Clover** : AAAAA I HATE THIS   
**Clover** : but fine   
**Clover** : the story’s that he’s been in home hospice for the last ten days, right?   
**Hazuki** : Yes.   
**Clover** : okay I’m starting Junpei duty now! Alice gave me the whole week off because she loves me   
**Aoi** : i already have the whole week off because i’m unemployed   
**Light** : And as I am self-employed, I am in the same situation.   
**Clover** : oh my god let me be happy for once you JERKS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheeeee we love lying to protect our friends, also congrats to Hazuki and Seven for being the only functional people
> 
> SUMMARIES (of fourth segment onwards)
> 
> Junpei talks to Clover and helps her understand why Light didn't talk to her about wanting to quit SOIS. Then, he passes out into Aoi's arms, and Clover comes home immediately because she's worried. Clover and Light apologize to each other. Junpei wakes up and then passes out again. The next thing Junpei remembers is waking up at home on an IV. Hazuki and Seven are there, and they tell him that his life had been in danger because of severe alcohol withdrawal combined with sleep deprivation. They purposely omit the fact that Junpei was hospitalized for nearly two weeks before switching to home hospice. They also help Junpei understand what it means to be part of a family.


	8. October 2028

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junpei finally gets the help he deserves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my favorite chapter to write! Junpei deserves some healing (before he gets absolutely destroyed again). This is also where I take some liberties and develop some things that canon threw to the side
> 
> SPOILERS  
> \- third segment: Junpei mentions something that happens in ZTD, but he doesn't give many details about why it happens or the surrounding situation; Reverie Syndrome is mentioned  
> \- fifth segment: nightmare of something that happens in VLR Luna route, except it's... a little different from canon
> 
> TRIGGERS  
> This chapter is about Junpei recovering from alcohol withdrawal, so every single segment mentions it in at least some capacity. Just a heads up.
> 
> \- first segment: minor mentions of alcoholism and hospitalization  
> \- third segment: minor mentions of hallucinations and blood  
> \- fourth segment: minor mentions of alcoholism  
> \- fifth segment: injury, blood, death  
> \- sixth segment: minor mentions of alcohol withdrawal and hallucinations

“Was I… in the hospital?” Junpei says suddenly. Clover has been keeping him company all afternoon since he’s still stuck in bed, but it’s the first time Junpei has spoken.

Clover is suddenly thankful that she can text without looking at her phone. She sends a quick text to Aoi asking for help, all without looking away from Junpei. Time to stall. “What do you mean?”

“Before I woke up a week ago. I was hospitalized, wasn’t I? Please. I just… want to know.” Junpei meets her eyes, and that’s all Clover needs to see. He looks so  _ small _ .

“Yeah,” Clover says softly. “You were.”

Junpei looks away. Clover sends another text telling Aoi that she no longer needs his advice because she already told Junpei the truth. He can yell at her later. She has to do this.

“You had two seizures within five minutes of each other. We didn’t have a choice! But the whole time you were there, any time you woke up, you panicked. You tried to  _ run out of the hospital _ . So we— we lied to you, since it seemed like you didn’t remember it at all.”

Junpei doesn’t say anything for a moment, and Clover thinks that maybe she’s screwed everything up and Junpei is going to stop talking to all of them again. But then he looks up at her and slowly says, “I think… I want to stop.”

“Stop? Stop what?”

Junpei averts his gaze. “I want to stop… drinking.”

Clover pauses for a moment. She isn’t sure what the right response is here. Does she support him? (That’s what Aoi would do.) Does she play devil’s advocate to make sure he’s certain? (That’s what Light would do.)

What would  _ Clover _ do?

“What makes you say that?” she says finally.

“I should take this as a chance. To try.” Junpei closes his eyes and leans back against the headboard of his bed. “I don’t know if I can do it. Just thinking about it… is really hard. But I… I can’t let this happen again. I  _ can’t _ .”

“If this is something you want to do, you shouldn’t do it for other people. You should do it for yourself,” Clover says, poking Junpei’s arm.

“For… me?” Junpei opens his eyes and frowns. “Maybe you’re right.”

“I’m  _ always _ right,” Clover says with a grin, and Junpei smiles at that.

“Okay. For myself. I think… I think, if I stop drinking, I’ll… I’ll have to face my problems head-on. Instead of running away from them. And that’s… that’s a good thing to do. For me. Right?” Junpei looks over at her for approval.

Clover gives him a thumbs up. “Sounds like a step in the right direction.”

“I still… don’t want to use sleeping pills,” Junpei says quietly.

“So you’ll have to find another way to fall asleep. There’s gotta be some things we can try, right?” Clover says, trying her best to sound encouraging.

Junpei nods. “Honestly, I don’t think the nightmares faze me as much anymore. I think... maybe I’m getting numb to it all.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“I don’t know.”

Clover hums as she takes a moment to think. “When I see bad things happening to people, it makes me a little sad, but I’m starting to get used to it, too. But I still remember how devastated I used to be, and I try to keep that in mind when I’m deciding how to handle the situation.”

“Huh. I think that’s a good way to do it.” Junpei closes his eyes again and sighs. “It just… sucks. Knowing the world is full of shitty people doing shitty things. It’s hard not to fall into despair.”

“Well, there’s good people doing good things, too. Like you and me. Maybe we can’t fix everything, but we can still make things better,” Clover points out.

“It’s never enough,” Junpei says quietly.

“But it’s something.”

“Yeah. It’s something.”

They sit in silence for a little while, both deep in thought. There  _ are _ good people in the world. Like Junpei, who wants to help everyone and fix everything. Like Alice, who’s always working so hard to catch the bad guys before they hurt more people. Like Seven, who is so unreasonably kind, who saved them from the  _ Gigantic _ . And there’s things she loves about her life. She loves listening to Light play the harp, and annoying Aoi until he blows up at her, and joking around with Junpei. She loves being with Alice. There are good things, and they’re things worth protecting. Even if she can’t fix everything.

“Clover.” Junpei’s voice is so quiet that Clover almost doesn’t hear him.

“What’s up?”

“Do you think… everyone will help if I ask them to?”

Clover facepalms. “Hazuki and Seven drove up here just to see you. Aoi, Light, and I have been taking shifts to keep you company for the last three weeks. And you’re  _ still _ asking if we’ll help you? Is it not obvious?”

Junpei’s cheeks flush red. “I, um. Maybe. Sorry. I feel like a burden, asking for so much from you guys over and over.”

“Well, you’re not one. You’re our  _ friend _ . And you’ve helped all of us even if you don’t know it, okay? So of course we’ll help you. And if you ask again, Aoi and I are going to kick your ass together.”

“That sounds terrifying.”

Clover grins. “You know it.”

Junpei laughs weakly. “I don’t think I’d even stand a chance. I guess I’ll have to be more careful about what I say. Thank you, Clover.”

“No prob.”

Clover doesn’t say it out loud because she doesn’t want to be patronizing, but she’s proud of Junpei. And she really, really hopes that this helps him. That he can finally be happy. He’d saved her on the ship when she was close to giving in to her despair after her brother “died.” It was time she did the same for him.

~*~

Group Chat:  **Aoi is an idiot.**

**Aoi** : [image]   
**Aoi** : Which one of you fuckers did this?   
**Aoi** : And since I know Light’s going to ask, it’s a picture of a mug that says “World’s Best Mom.”   
**Aoi** : I found it gift-wrapped on the kitchen counter this morning with my name on it.   
**Clover** : Awwww, Aoi, congratulations! You really ARE the best mom.   
**Clover** : I mean, you feed us, you do our laundry, you clean, you text us when we’re out late to make sure we’re safe…   
**Aoi** : Light, I can hear you laughing in your room. I’m going to come in there and kick your ass.   
**Hazuki** : Just like a mother should ;)   
**Seven** : You’re really living up to your title. Good for you, Aoi.

_ Clover renamed the group chat to  _ **_Aoi is mom of the year._ **

**Aoi** : I hate all of you.   
**Junpei** : That’s not a very nice thing for a mom to say to her kids.   
**Aoi** : I’m gonna stop paying rent for all you idiots, and then we’ll see who’s laughing.

~*~

“Full disclosure, I’m currently seeing Akane beat a stranger to death with a fire extinguisher behind you, so you’ll have to excuse me if I don’t make the best choices here,” Junpei says drily.

“Unacceptable!” Clover slams her fists down on the table, shaking the cards on the table slightly. “Junpei, this isn’t just a game of Codenames! It’s life and death! If we lose, Aoi and Light are going to make us watch some boring documentary for movie night!”

Junpei sighs heavily. “Look, I’ll try my best, okay? I’m just saying, it’s a  _ little _ distracting.”

“You guys even have the advantage. My partner is  _ blind _ ,” Aoi complains.

“You say that, but you’re just transmitting him an image of the board anyway,” Clover points out.

“Aoi is not nearly as competent of a transmitter as you are, Clover,” Light says smugly.

Aoi smacks Light on the shoulder. “Shut the fuck up, you asshole! I’m not a fucking trained agent, okay? And I’m better at _receiving_.” 

“Indeed. That is why I agreed to these teams. It’s good practice,” Light says.

“Of course  _ you _ would turn game night into training.” Aoi rolls his eyes. “My clue for you is asshole, 3.”

Clover lets out a surprised noise. “Aoi, how is he going to guess anything from that? There’s nothing on this board that—”

Light taps the words tutu, dog, and flashlight. Aoi smirks as he turns the three cards over to reveal that they’re all red, matching the color of their team.

“Wh— What the hell?” Clover cries.

Junpei shakes his head. “If Light can extrapolate from a shitty clue like that, we’ve already lost.”

“No way. Give me a moment, I’ll think of a really good clue for you, Junpei,” Clover says, determined as always.

Light takes a sip of his tea with a content smile on his lips. “Junpei, isn’t it rather odd that there are strangers appearing in your hallucinations and dreams? Dreams are constructed using your memories. Any face that appears in a dream should be recognizable to you, or at least mildly resemble someone you have seen before.”

Junpei shrugs. “I have no control over the shit I see. If I did, I’d try to see something a little less gruesome. There’s blood  _ everywhere _ .”

Light turns to Aoi. “Is Akane known to bludgeon strangers with heavy objects?”

“What the hell kind of question is that? Of course not!” Aoi says indignantly.

“Maybe it’s a vision of another timeline?” Clover suggests.

“That is possible. Do you know if you’re seeing this from your point of view, or from a third person point of view?” Light asks.

Junpei frowns, stands up, and tilts his head at a strange angle. He walks in a circle around the table, then sits back down. “It looks like I’m watching this from the point of view of someone who’s on the floor nearby. I can’t tell if it’s me.”

“How long have you been having visions with strangers in them?” Light asks.

Junpei furrows his eyebrows. “Hmm. The hallucinations mostly show up when I’m not sleeping well. I actually didn’t have too many hallucinations or nightmares in the summer, since I was… you know.”

“Unconscious in the bathtub,” Aoi supplies drily.

“...Yeah. So I think I’ve only been seeing strangers in my hallucinations since a couple weeks ago. Same with the nightmares, but those are usually more focused on people I know and things I’ve actually seen.”

Light strokes his chin. “Perhaps you are seeing the most likely future of this timeline, then.”

“Wait, that’s it!” Clover says excitedly. “Have you guys heard of Reverie Syndrome?”

Junpei shakes his head, and Aoi gives Clover a blank look. Predictably, Light is the only one who answers. “I’ve read a little about Reverie Syndrome. It’s a newly discovered illness wherein the afflicted person exists in between dreams and reality. Symptoms include loss of memory and constant drifting in and out of a comatose state.”

“Yeah, and?” Clover gestures wildly at Junpei. “Sound like anyone we know?”

“Uh, I’m not really in a coma,” Junpei points out.

“Well, maybe that’s because your esper powers protect you, or maybe you have a milder case. There are totally days where you look like you’re living in a dream,” Clover says.

“That is an interesting theory. However, Reverie Syndrome does not currently have a cure, if I recall,” Light says.

Clover nods. “Yeah, I know. The number of cases has really started to skyrocket in the last month, to the point that SOIS is starting to look into it. Maybe Reverie Syndrome has something to do with seeing the future, and that’s why all the people who have it don’t have a super great grip on reality.”

Junpei furrows his eyebrows. “Wait, so let me make sure I understand this. You think I have Reverie Syndrome, and that’s why my hallucinations feel so real. But maybe, because I’m an esper, I’ve managed to avoid going into a full coma. And now, for some reason, I’m not just seeing alternate timelines of events that have already happened, but I’m also seeing the future?”

“In other words, you’re fucked, dude,” Aoi says helpfully.

“Aoi!” Clover scolds.

“It’s possible that you could learn to control it, although I imagine that you will need epiphany and danger to do so,” Light says.

Junpei’s response is immediate. “Hell no. I’m not doing another death match puzzle game.”

Aoi grins. “You sure? I still own Building Q, so—”

“Aoi Kurashiki, I can and will kill you right now,” Clover threatens.

“Ah, that would be a shame. I would have to forfeit this game of Codenames,” Light says nonchalantly. “Speaking of which, Clover, have you thought of your next clue?”

“Uh, hmmmm. Oh, got one! Light for 4!” Clover says.

Junpei gives her a blank stare. “Do you mean Light, like your brother, or like the thing?”

“No hints!” Aoi says quickly.

Junpei gives the board a rundown. None of these words really relate to either definition of the word, so… Junpei taps the card with the word arrogant on it. Clover bursts out laughing. “Oh, man, that’s the bomb, dude, but it was worth it.”

“Which word did he pick?” Light asks.

Aoi opens his mouth to tell Light, and Clover takes the opportunity to shove her sock in his mouth. Aoi spits out the sock and gives her a bewildered look.

“What the hell? Why did you have that ready?”

Clover smiles sweetly. “There’s no projectiles nearby. I was  _ going _ to throw it at you when you suggested another Nonary Game, but I decided to wait. And it paid off!”

“Oh, that’s it. You want a fight? Then you’ll get one!” Aoi darts to the couch and grabs a pillow. Clover ducks behind Junpei’s chair.

“Junpei, protect me!”

Junpei’s eyes widen and he throws his arms in front of himself just in time to knock the pillow away. “Why do you need me to protect you? You’re a government agent!”

“I’m going to assume that me and my tea are no longer safe,” Light says with a raised eyebrow. He takes his mug into the kitchen before Aoi or Clover can knock it down.

Their apartment, Junpei learns, has a ridiculous number of pillows. Counting the pillows in the bedrooms and the ones along the couch, there are twelve pillows in total, which means Aoi and Clover have more than enough ammunition to keep them going. Junpei gets dragged in despite his best efforts to flee. Light watches with amusement as the three of them run themselves ragged and launch pillows at each other. Finally, all three of them end up on the floor, gasping for breath and grinning.

“Who won?” Light asks, walking over from his safe haven in the kitchen.

“I think we all lost,” Junpei moans. “Why are both of you so small and hard to hit?”

“Shut the fuck up, Junpei. You’re not that much taller than me,” Aoi snaps.

“And that didn’t stop Aoi from nailing me so many times! You’re just a whiner,” Clover declares.

“I got two hours of sleep last night. I think I’m allowed to whine a little bit. That pillow fight burned all the energy I had,” Junpei says, still panting as he speaks.

“But did you have  _ fun _ ?” Clover asks, turning her head to look at Junpei.

“Yeah. I did.” Junpei smiles, and for the first time in a while, the smile reaches his eyes.

~*~

“Hey, Clover.” Junpei pokes his head into Clover’s room. Clover’s sitting on her bed, painting a top coat for her nails. She’d spent the last hour doing nail art, and she wasn’t about to let it chip because she’d gotten lazy. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure. Have a seat,” Clover says, patting the empty space next to her on the bed. She has a king bed with bright pink sheets and lots of animal print pillows, and she has absolutely no regrets.

Junpei awkwardly shuffles into the room and sits down next to her. Clover notices instantly that he’s sitting on his hands.

“You’re home early. Something up?” Clover asks.

“Today’s a… today was a bad day for me,” Junpei admits, closing his eyes. His voice is shaking. “Clover, can I ask you a favor?”

“Depends on the favor, but sure,” Clover says.

“There’s…” Junpei swallows hard. “There’s a bottle of scotch under my bed. Can you—”

“Gotcha. Stay here, I’ll handle it.” Clover twists the lid onto the bottle of top coat with her dry hand and blows gently on the wet one. Hopefully, she can do this without ruining her nail polish, but if not… Junpei was worth ruining her nail polish for.

Clover slides off the bed and walks out of the room. The rest of the apartment is dark because Light is at a gig tonight and Aoi went along to listen. She turns on the kitchen light so that she isn’t entirely in the dark and then walks into Junpei’s room. It’s kind of a mess, but that’s par for the course for Junpei. Clover steps past his dirty laundry and old case files strewn about and reaches a hand under the bed. The bottle doesn’t take long to find. As she pulls it out from under the bed, she notices that it’s half empty. Junpei’s breath didn’t smell like scotch, so he hadn’t snuck any today, at least. Clover pours the rest of the scotch down the kitchen sink and puts the bottle in the recycling bin.

When she returns to her room, Junpei is still sitting there, his whole body tense. “All done,” Clover assures him. “Anything else?”

“N-no. That’s the only one I had,” Junpei says quietly. “Thank you.”

“Any time.” Clover hops back onto the bed and holds out her hands in front of her so she can check her nails. No chips or smears, nice. “Nightmares are back?” she asks. Junpei nods solemnly. “Maybe you should take some time off,” Clover suggests.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I don’t think anything good will come out of me having that much time on my hands.” Junpei exhales sharply. “It’s too easy to relapse. I can’t take time off without having a babysitter.”

“Well, maybe you should stay with Hazuki and Seven. They’d love to have you. Or you could stay here and one of us can take time off. You know we wouldn’t mind.”

“No, no, I can’t ask you to do that. Besides, Free the Soul—”

“—is not more important to me than you.” Clover scoots closer to Junpei and leans her head against his shoulder. “I’d drop everything for you, okay? All three of us would. Hazuki and Seven, too. Don’t forget that.”

Tears prick the corners of Junpei’s eyes. “Thank you. I don’t deserve you guys at all.” Junpei wipes his tears with the back of his hand before they can fall. 

“Hmm. Maybe you need a hobby,” Clover says, changing the topic so Junpei won’t focus so much on his guilt.

“A hobby?”

“Yeah, you know, something you can just do for fun. Light listens to audiobooks, for example. And Aoi plays the stock market and cooks. You need something like that,” Clover says.

Junpei frowns. “What do you do?”

“Lots of things. I like watching beauty tutorials on Youtube and trying them out. Hair, makeup, nails, that sort of thing. And recently, I started drawing for fun.”

“Drawing?” Junpei looks over at her. “I didn’t know you were an artist.”

“Oh, I’m really not,” Clover says quickly. “But it’s fun to just draw little sketches without any rules. And coloring them in is really cathartic.”

“Huh. I see…” Junpei trails off, lost in thought. 

“Oh, you know what? Maybe you could take up something like running. Exercise is supposed to improve your mood, and it’ll be good for you to get outside,” Clover says. “I know you get a fair amount of exercise in the field, but that’s a lot more stressful. Doing something like running will give you time alone to think, and it’s a mindless, goal-oriented activity.”

“That actually sounds perfect. Maybe I’ll try it,” Junpei says, sounding more certain than she’d expected.

“Let me know how it goes. If you need someone to keep you accountable, I can do that. Or Aoi, he’s a real menace.”

Junpei laughs. “Yeah, he really is. I almost forgot to eat dinner today, and he wouldn’t leave me alone until I ate everything on my plate.”

“Yeah, that sounds like him. I don’t know how he manages to stay on top of everything. He’s got a million things to keep track of.” Clover shakes her head in disbelief.

Junpei falls silent. He’s thinking about something, but Clover can’t quite read him. There’s no rush, anyway, so she waits.

“Clover, can I… ask you another favor?”

Clover puffs out her cheeks in mock anger. “Did you even  _ hear _ what I said a while ago?”

“Yeah, I-I just.” Junpei shakes his head. “Sorry. I feel bad for leaning on you guys so much.”

“Well, that’s dumb. Family helps family,” Clover says firmly.

Junpei exhales sharply. “Do you think you can stay here tonight? I don’t know if you were planning to go over to Alice’s place, but I— I don’t think I can be alone right now.”

Aoi and Light won’t be home until late. If Clover doesn’t stay with Junpei, he’ll be alone for most of the night. “Yup. Done.” 

“That’s— that’s it? Are you sure?” Junpei gives Clover a bewildered look.

“Yeah? Come on, I see Alice every day at SOIS. She’ll be fine without me for one night.” Clover grabs her phone and shoots off a quick text to Alice so she knows what’s going on. “Do you want to sleep in here?”

“...If that’s all right with you,” Junpei says softly. Clover wraps her arms around Junpei’s waist, and Junpei relaxes a little. They sit like that for a while, until finally, Junpei says, “Are you sure Alice won’t mind if we share a bed?”

Clover laughs. “Junpei, you’re like a brother to me, and she knows that. It’s not like we’re doing anything shady.”

“Y-yeah, I just—” Junpei’s eats turn red. “I didn’t mean to imply that we were. I just don’t want any misconceptions.”

“I still sleep with Light sometimes when I have nightmares. It’s  _ fine _ .” Clover lets go of Junpei so she can look him in the eyes as she speaks. He looks so uncertain, so anxious. Well, it makes sense, especially if he’s fighting the urge to drink. Time to take his mind off things. “Hey. You have way too much hair. Can I give you a haircut?”

“Uh…” Junpei runs a hand through his hair subconsciously. “I guess? I haven’t really thought about my hair.”

“Don’t worry. I cut Light’s hair all the time, and he makes everyone swoon. I’ve watched a lot of videos and I even have professional hair clippers. You’re in good hands,” Clover says confidently.

Junpei frowns. “I don’t doubt that. I just don’t know what I’d even want my hair to look like.”

“I’ll handle it.” Clover jumps off the bed and wheels her desk chair into the bathroom. Junpei’s taller than her, so her chair will be the perfect height. Clover grabs her scissors and a clean towel and then pokes her head out of the bathroom. “The doctor will see you now,” she says dramatically, and it’s worth it to see the smile on Junpei’s face.

Junpei sits down in Clover’s desk chair, and Clover starts messing with his hair. He has a  _ lot _ of it, and it’s very long. He’s got the emo boy look going for him, actually. But he’s not an emo boy, and it’s dangerous to have hair blocking your vision when you work in the field, so Clover starts thinning Junpei’s hair out bit by bit. As she does, she talks about mindless things: about how her relationship with Alice is going, about the latest prank that she and Ennea played on Nona, about the new recipes that she learned from Aoi. Junpei listens intently, but he’s mostly quiet without too much to say. Clover doesn’t push him.

“Okay, all done! What do you think?” Clover spins the chair around so that it’s facing the mirror.

“Oh, wow. It doesn’t look too different, but I can actually  _ see _ now,” Junpei says, not bothering to hide his surprise.

Clover giggles. “Yeah, the only reason I leave Light’s hair long in the front sometimes is because it’s not really like he  _ needs _ to see.”

“Huh. You’re actually really good at this, Clover.”

“Thank you very much,” Clover says dramatically and sweeps her hand out as she takes a bow.

“No way, I should be thanking you.” Junpei stifles a yawn. “That was so relaxing. I almost fell asleep.”

“Don’t fall asleep in that chair. I don’t want to have to carry you to the bed,” Clover says sharply.

Junpei chuckles. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going.”

Junpei leaves the bathroom, and Clover takes her time to sweep up all the hair that fell to the floor and on the chair. By the time she’s done, Junpei has already fallen asleep on the bed. He didn’t even turn the lights off. When she sits down next to him on the bed with her sketch pad, he instinctively inches closer to her.

“He’s like a dog,” Clover mutters, as she strokes his hair. She really  _ did _ do a good job cutting it. She’s pretty pleased with the result.

She hopes Junpei is able to sleep well. The nightmares must be bad if he gave in to the temptation to drink. She shoots a quick text off to Aoi and Light letting them know about Junpei’s slight relapse, then silences her phone and puts it on her bedside table. What to draw, what to draw… A smile slowly comes to Clover’s face as an idea takes hold.

When Junpei wakes up the next morning, he finds Clover fast asleep, gripping her sketch pad loosely with one hand. On the front page of the sketch pad is a drawing of a dog with a shaggy mane and a giant smile.

~*~

_ You walk into the infirmary, your head a jumble of thoughts. You need to figure out who killed the old woman. Whoever did it is likely to kill someone else, and you’re not letting that happen. You can’t let that happen. You’re here for one reason, and it’s to get Clover out of this goddamn game in one piece. You’re going to find the killer. You’re going to— _

_ The circus ringleader asshole has a knife, and he’s going to stab Clover. _

_ You move before you can even think. The knife cuts into your flesh. Stars explode across your vision and it takes everything you have to stay standing. You grab the knife by the blade, trying to force it out of the killer’s hand, but you’re rapidly losing strength. There’s no way you can win this fight. You’re going to die, and Clover is going to die, too _ —

_ You walk into the infirmary, and you don’t stop to exchange niceties this time. You push Clover out of the way and yell at her to run. There’s two dead bodies on the floor, but you don’t have time to take a closer look. You have to protect Clover. She has to get out of here, you promised them. The knife cuts into your flesh. You grab the knife by the blade to stall for time. You know you can’t win this fight, but it doesn’t matter if you die, as long as Clover gets away. But when you turn around, Clover isn’t moving, why isn’t she leaving _ —

_ You run to the crew quarters as fast as you can. Clover’s on her way there, an injection gun in her hand. You have to stop her, you can’t let this happen, or she’ll die. But she’s not listening to you. You’re just in her way. She pushes you aside, and you feel it again, the knife slicing into your hand, the handcuffs cutting into your wrist, the needles ending your life _ —

~*~

Light hears the front door open and frowns. Aoi is out buying groceries, and Clover is still at work. So was it Junpei? It was somewhat rare for Junpei to return home early, especially after his forced three week vacation.

Light walks into the living room, laptop and headphones in hand, just in time to hear someone faceplant on the futon. Well, that answers that question. It must be Junpei.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Light asks.

“Leave me alone,” Junpei mumbles.

Light sits down on the couch, sets his things aside, and waits.

“I  _ said _ , leave me  _ alone _ ,” Junpei snaps.

Light is unfazed by Junpei’s sudden change in tone. “Mmm, yes, I do recall that.”

“Then why are you still here?” Junpei says angrily, raising his head from the futon.

Light smiles. “I want to be.”

Junpei lets out a frustrated groan and returns to burying his face in the futon.

Light waits. He’s always been patient.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Junpei says finally. “I’m just… irritable right now. I’d like to be left alone before I say something I don’t mean.”

Light doesn’t move. “I understand. I will be sure not to take any angry comments personally.”

Junpei finally cracks. “I was undercover this morning and someone offered me a drink and I had to take it and now I just want another one.”

“It would not be the end of the world if you had one drink,” Light points out. Perhaps it was not the right thing to say, but he wants to test Junpei’s resolve.

Junpei sits up. “No, no, no, don’t you get it? If I let myself do that, I won’t stop, and then… I can’t.”

“Hmm, I suppose that is a problem.” Wonderful. Time for stage two. “Why do you enjoy drinking?”

“It makes all the noise in my head a little quieter. The hallucinations feel less real. I can actually  _ fall asleep _ .”

“Perhaps the noise in your head is a symptom of generalized anxiety disorder,” Light thinks aloud.

Junpei groans and buries his head between his knees. “I’m not going to think about that right now. Alcohol withdrawal is more than enough to handle.”

“Have your symptoms improved?”

“Sort of? Most of them are gone, but I’m still having insomnia and tremors. And I just feel so… on edge all the time.” All symptoms of alcohol withdrawal, all reasonable to still be dealing with.

Light returns to thinking about why Junpei likes drinking. “Hmm. Junpei, is there anything else that makes the noise quieter?”

“I don’t… think so…” Junpei trails off, and Light can practically hear him thinking. “There’s one thing, actually, but I don’t— I don’t think it’s a permanent solution.”

Based on Junpei’s reluctance, Light assumes that this temporary solution likely requires help from others. Junpei hates asking for help. “What would that be?”

“Touch. It’s the only thing that I can rely on when I’m having hallucinations. It’s the only one of my five senses that doesn’t lie to me.” Junpei’s voice trembles as he speaks.

“Are there specific things that ground you to reality better than others?” Light asks, although he’s pretty sure from experience that he knows the answer.

Junpei doesn’t say anything, which confirms Light’s hypothesis.

Light slides down from the couch to the futon and sits next to where he thinks Junpei is. Junpei immediately leans against him, putting his head on Light’s shoulder.

“It… helps to know that you guys are alive,” Junpei says quietly.

“Then I daresay you should be asking us for help a lot more frequently than you do,” Light huffs. He gently guides Junpei’s head down his lap so Junpei can lie down, and he can feel the tension leave Junpei’s body.

“If I fall asleep like this, you won’t be able to get up,” Junpei mumbles.

“I don’t see a problem with that. I have no plans for the evening.”

“Sitting here… is going to be boring for you,” Junpei protests, but he’s already turning onto his side so that he’s more comfortable.

Light reaches up to the couch to grab his sheet music and pencil. “On the contrary, there is nothing preventing me from composing music while sitting here.”

Junpei falls silent, and Light puts on his headphones and starts to skim the sheet music with one hand so he can remember where he left off. He uses a refreshable braille display to read and write music on his laptop. Aoi bought it for him as soon as he quit SOIS and called it an early birthday gift. The braille display makes it much easier to write music quickly, since there is no good way for Light to read regular sheet music. Light dislikes being in debt to Aoi, but his salary cannot hold a candle to Aoi’s earnings from the stock market. Aoi is ridiculously good at gambling.

As soon as Light is sure that Junpei is asleep, Light loses himself in the music. His process of composing does not rely on theory so much as it relies on what sounds right to him. He is well acquainted with music theory, of course, but music is one of the few areas where Light listens to his heart before his mind. Light loses track of time while he’s composing. He only realizes that time has passed when Junpei speaks.

“Mmph. Light.”

Light takes off his headphones. “Yes?”

“Why do you... care about me?” Junpei sounds so confused that Light wishes he could somehow smack sense into the man.

Instead, Light smiles. “You are like a brother to me, Junpei. It is natural for me to care about your well-being and to want the best for you.”

“But it’s a lot of work.”

“I imagine it is a lot of work to live with a blind man, and that has never bothered Clover, nor does it seem to bother Aoi or you,” Light says calmly.

Junpei makes a sound of dissent. “You’re not hard to live with. I’m hard to live with.”

This isn’t going to convince Junpei. Light goes for a different angle instead. “Is it so hard to believe that we care about you?”

“Mmmmm… I’m trying, but it doesn’t make sense,” Junpei says. “It just won’t stick. My brain won’t accept it.”

“Why do you think that is?”

“Dunno.”

“I can think of some reasons. Would you like to hear them? Or would you like to go back to sleep?” Light asks. He already knows which choice Junpei will pick. Junpei hates sleep almost as much as Light enjoys it.

“Tell me,” Junpei says, and he rolls over so he can look up at Light.

Light runs a hand through Junpei’s hair. It’s shorter than he remembers. Perhaps Clover gave Junpei a haircut. “I believe this may have something to do with Akane. She left without saying a word, and you subconsciously took this to mean that you were not worthy of her love. Perhaps, over time, you extended this even further and decided that you are not worthy of anyone’s love.”

“Oh.” Junpei is silent for a while. Light waits patiently. “I think… I blame myself. For her leaving. I hate myself because I couldn’t stop her.”

“That’s hardly your fault, you know,” Light says evenly, trying to keep his bitterness out of his voice. He hates Akane, he really does.

“It’s easier if it’s my fault. Then I have someone to blame,” Junpei says quietly.

Light thinks about the Second Nonary Game, and how he blames Akane even though it wasn’t  _ really _ her fault. She wanted to save her life. Light cannot fault that at all. “You might be right about having someone to blame, but it doesn’t have to be you.”

“Yeah,” Junpei whispers. “I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m a terrible person. There’s so many timelines where I didn’t save her.”

“The chances of success were slim. That is not your fault and does not reflect your character,” Light says firmly. “You are a good person, Junpei. One of the best I’ve ever met. You are kind, and you try to help everyone even if it will hurt you. You see the good in everyone, even if they don’t deserve it.”

Junpei snorts. “I don’t think that’s true anymore.”

“I think it is, and that is why it hurts so much every time you have to apprehend someone,” Light says softly.

Junpei falls silent.

Light hears the front door open and two sets of footsteps. No matter, Aoi could certainly stand to hear this advice, too. “You may hate yourself. You may think you are not worthy of love. The fact remains that there are people who love you, and we will take care of you even if you do not want us to.”

“...Okay. I’ll… try to remember that.”

“You fucking better. Clover already told me that I’m supposed to help her kick your ass if you don’t ask us for help when you need it,” Aoi calls from the kitchen.

Junpei groans. “ _ Why _ , Clover? Why do you do this to me?”

“Because I love you,” Clover says cheerfully, skipping over to poke Junpei’s nose. “And it’s my job, as a little sister, to annoy my brothers.”

“Annoy Light instead,” Junpei mumbles.

“She has tried, I assure you,” Light says drily.

“Yeah, Light’s boring. He doesn’t react and he has the patience of a god. But you and Aoi are sooooo much fun to tease!” Clover says mischievously.

“If you want to avoid Clover’s and Aoi’s wrath, I suggest you actually ask for help when you need it,” Light says, unable to keep the smugness out of his voice. “Between the three of us, I’m certain there is always one of us available to support you.”

“Aoi’s  _ nocturnal _ , so you know he’s got you covered at night,” Clover says.

“Fuck off, I’ll fix my sleep schedule eventually,” Aoi shouts. Light hears two sets of footsteps moving quickly and assumes that Aoi is chasing Clover. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Junpei sits up and rubs his eyes. Light can’t see him, but he can hear how Junpei’s breathing slowed down as soon as Aoi and Clover came home, and he can feel how relaxed Junpei’s muscles are. Light smiles. He’s sure that Junpei is smiling, too.

“Um, Light? Thank you for all your advice. I’ll… work on it. One piece at a time,” Junpei says quietly.

“One piece at a time. An excellent strategy,” Light says, giving Junpei a nod of approval. “Now, I suppose we should ensure that Aoi and Clover do not accidentally hurt each other.”

Junpei sighs and stands up. “Yeah. We should. Not that  _ I _ can do anything to get between the two of them.”

“You can leave that to me,” Light assures Junpei, and he sets his braille display and laptop on the couch so that Aoi and Clover don’t accidentally destroy them. “Lead the way.”


	9. December 2028 / January 2029

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junpei figures out what Akane's planning to do, and he realizes that he doesn't have to handle it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my interpretation of what Could Have Happened if Junpei hadn't been alone for a year like he was in canon. Let Junpei have a break, I say!
> 
> Given the time period that this chapter covers, there are spoilers for the events in ZTD and VLR, specifically:  
> \- the names of the characters and the location of the events in ZTD  
> \- hints about one of Junpei's conversations with Akane (in canon, at least) in ZTD  
> \- hints about Clover's and Akane's involvement in VLR  
> \- the events in the rec room for C-team  
> \- the concept of SHIFTing
> 
> TRIGGERS  
> \- December 2028, fifth segment (from Junpei's POV): dissociation, mentions of blood  
> \- January 2029, second segment: dissociation, mentions of blood  
> \- January 2029, third segment: graphic depiction of violence, guns, blood (skip the first paragraph)

**November 2020**

“I want to go.”

Junpei’s fists are clenched, his eyes filled with determination. He looks more alive than he has in a while.

Aoi can’t say no to him, not like that. “Okay. Let’s see what Hazuki and I can do to get you in.”

“Wait, don’t you… want to see her too?” Junpei asks, taken aback.

Aoi runs a hand through his hair absentmindedly. “If she sees both of us there, she’ll be suspicious. And…” Aoi turns around in his chair to face Junpei. “I think you have the best chance of getting her back. I mean it.”

Junpei nods. “Okay. I’ll do it for both of us.”

Aoi smiles. Typical Junpei, can’t do anything for just himself. “I don’t know what’s so important about this Mars test site that Akane feels like she needs to be there, but it’s probably dangerous. Be careful.”

Junpei closes his eyes for a brief moment, then nods again. “I have a bad feeling about this, too. But I don’t care. I still have to do it.”

“Well, maybe don’t tell Light and Clover that. I don’t think they need more reasons to be mad at Akane,” Aoi says.

“They’re still mad at her for the Nonary Game?” Junpei gives Aoi a confused look. Of course he would, Aoi thinks with a fond smile. Junpei was oblivious when it came to himself.

“Junpei, you dropped out of college and chose your job  _ specifically _ to find Akane. You would throw your whole life away if that’s what it took to find her again. And I don’t think there is any way that Akane doesn’t know that.” Aoi tries to keep the anger out of his voice, but he can’t help it.  _ Why _ would she leave Junpei behind when it’s so obvious that he returns her feelings? Aoi still can’t understand that.

Except, maybe he can. He spent nine years ignoring romance entirely for her sake.

“We’re  _ all _ mad at her for just leaving you behind without any explanation. How hard would it have been to leave a note or some shit? I mean, you saved her fucking life, and in return, she just…” Aoi waves his hand in the air in frustration. “I can forgive her for leaving me because we argued about it. I didn’t want her to use her powers to save the world. I wanted her to take a break. But why the fuck did she have to leave  _ you _ behind, too? You’d gladly save the world with her.”

“Yeah. I would,” Junpei says sadly, his voice quiet. “But maybe she doesn’t know that.”

“Well, tell her. Tell her what she did to you. Make sure she understands.”

“I will.”

~*~

Group Chat:  **Aoi is mom of the year.**

**Hazuki** : Junpei, I’ve decided you’re insane for going multiple days without sleep.   
**Hazuki** : I’m on my second all-nighter. How the hell do you do this all the time?   
**Aoi** : it’s just because you’re old   
**Hazuki** : Say more and I’ll stop helping you.   
**Aoi** : old……….and wise?   
**Clover** : wow nice save   
**Junpei** : Um, caffeine helps? I dunno, I kind of think I’m insane, too   
**Hazuki** : I can see why.   
**Seven** : I’ve never seen Hazuki drink more coffee than she has in the last two days.   
**Hazuki** : You owe me a nice dinner, Junpei. Hacking into the government’s databases is hard.   
**Aoi** : can I get a nice dinner too, I think my goddamn wrists are about to fall off from all this typing   
**Junpei** : Sure   
**Clover** : as if you’re not just going to end up cooking that nice dinner for yourself, Aoi?   
**Aoi** : i’m not an addictive cook clover, i just cook so much because four people is a lot to feed   
**Clover** : more like two and a half   
**Junpei** : Am I part of the half?   
**Clover** : yup! Light’s the other half of the half   
**Light** : I’m hurt. I can’t believe you would compare me to Junpei.   
**Aoi** : shut the fuck up, light, you both eat jack shit   
**Aoi** : i would know   
**Aoi** : speaking of which, just because I’ve been stuck at my computer doesn’t mean you guys can all skip meals   
**Aoi** : go eat right now   
**Clover** : yes, mom :)   
**Junpei** : [video]   
**Seven** : I didn’t know that Aoi is strong enough to carry Clover   
**Seven** : or that Clover fits in your trash can   
**Junpei** : I learn something new every day in this apartment, whether I want to or not

~*~

**December 2028**

Light wakes up and instantly he knows something is wrong. He checks his phone; the screen reader tells him it’s only three o’clock in the morning. He doesn’t usually wake up until much later. So why was he—

_ Light! Help! I’m… I’m being _ ...

Clover’s voice disappears from his mind, and with it, her presence. Fear grips his heart. He reaches as deep into the morphogenetic field as he dares, but she isn’t there. Hands shaking, he calls her phone, then Alice’s. Both go to voicemail. Clover was supposed to attack the Free the Soul headquarters in three days. Why was she— what was happening—  _ how could he send her across the country without going along _ ? This is his fault. He quit SOIS, and now she’s been kidnapped on an SOIS job. It’s his fault, his fault, his fault…

Light jumps out of bed. He has to go. He doesn’t know where, doesn’t know how, but he can’t sit still. His sister is in danger. He rushes into the living room and almost runs straight into Junpei, who grips him by the shoulders just in time to stop them from colliding.

“Whoops. Sorry. What’s...wrong...?” Junpei trails off, no doubt because Light is trembling in his arms. Whether with anger or sorrow, Light doesn’t know.

“Clover. Clover’s gone. I can’t hear her,” Light whispers.

“Shit.” Aoi’s voice is farther away— maybe he’s on the couch? Light doesn’t care. He pushes past Junpei and walks towards the door.

“Whoa, wait, hold on. What are you doing?” Junpei says, grabbing Light by the wrist.

“Let go of me,” Light says coldly. “I’m going to go find her.”

“Not alone, you aren’t,” Aoi says, and relief floods Light’s body. Right. He isn’t alone. Clover isn’t the only person he can rely on, not anymore. “Give me five minutes to pack for us, and then we can leave. Junpei, call a cab.”

“Uh. Okay?” Junpei releases his hold on Light, and Light is tempted to run out the door right that second, but he just leans his forehead against it and cries. This is the first time she has gone missing without him, and he’s to blame. He should have been with her. He shouldn’t have quit SOIS. 

“Aoi, do you need help packing?” Junpei calls.

“I know where everything is in this godforsaken apartment, including your clothes. Light, if you complain later about what I picked for you, I’m going to kick your ass,” Aoi says.

Light tries to smile. He recognizes the attempt to cheer him up, and he’s grateful for it. “I’m  _ blind _ .”

“That’s never stopped you before,” Junpei pointed out. “Car’ll be here in five minutes. Do we… have a plan?”

“I’m going to buy tickets for the first flight to LA, and we’re going to find her.” Aoi taps Light on the shoulder and hands him a jacket and a backpack. Light stares at him blankly. “Put the jacket on, dumbass. It’s cold outside, and you can’t do anything for Clover if you get sick.” Light obeys numbly.

Now that the initial panic is wearing off, he just feels fear. He lets Aoi push him out of the apartment and lead him down to the sidewalk. Junpei helps him get in the car and buckles his seatbelt, and Aoi grumbles about ticket prices as they drive. Light doesn’t pay attention to any of it. He’s running on two hours of sleep and he can’t stop thinking about all the many things that could be happening to Clover right now. She wasn’t reachable, so either she was unconscious, deeply asleep, blocked by a more powerful esper, or— No. She was alive. She had to be.

Aoi and Junpei guide Light through airport security. They’re lucky; the next flight to LA is only in a couple hours because it’s so early in the morning. Light falls asleep on Junpei’s shoulder as they’re waiting at the gate. Junpei wakes him up in time for them to board the plane, and then Light sleeps some more, because at least then, he doesn’t have to think about Clover. About how he’d failed her. About how he was a terrible brother. About how she could be… dead.

Light doesn’t start paying attention to the world around him until he is in a hotel room sitting on a bed. Aoi is typing away on his laptop at breakneck speed, and Junpei is pacing back and forth anxiously, as if trying to remember something. Light listens to him walk, tries to ground himself in the regularity of his steps. Junpei stops suddenly and his breath catches in his throat.

“I think I know what happened to her,” he says.

“What? How?” Light says, jumping to his feet.

“I… I don’t know. It’s a feeling. I… wait. Give me a moment. I think, if I sleep, I’ll remember,” Junpei says slowly.

“You’re not making any sense,” Light says, frustrated.

“Sorry. Sorry. I just think… I think I’ve had nightmares about this. Not this exact moment, but…” Junpei lets out a small grunt of pain. “Ow. Okay. Head hurts. I’m probably on the right track.”

Aoi sighs. “Junpei, when was the last time you slept?”

“I don’t know. Maybe a couple days ago? It’s not important. It might be useful now, actually. My nightmares are always worse when I haven’t slept in a while.” Junpei lays down on the bed next to Light and closes his eyes. “Just gotta try ‘till I get the right one.”

“Fine. Whatever. I’m not going to stop you,” Aoi mutters, returning to his laptop.

“Junpei, are you sure?” Light tries to keep his eagerness out of his voice. If he could see something in his nightmares that would help them find Clover, he would brave them in a heartbeat. But this is Junpei, and Junpei’s nightmares have always left him deeply drained and craving alcohol. And he’s supposed to go to the DCOM experiment in six days, so now is not the best time for a relapse.

Junpei reaches out and squeezes Light’s hand softly. “She’s important to me, too, Light. I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to help her if I can.”

“Thank you,” Light says softly.

Junpei falls asleep pretty quickly, and Light sits next to him, unable to do anything but wait. He feels so helpless, but they have no clues. None of them know exactly where Clover was staying or where she was supposed to be; that’s all top-secret information. They’ve already let Nona and Ennea know that Clover and Alice are missing so that SOIS can search for them on their own, but Light doesn’t want to wait for SOIS to get their act together. He wants Clover to come home  _ now _ .

Light waits. Junpei wakes up every half an hour or so drenched in sweat and gasping for breath, sometimes screaming, and Light strokes his hair and rubs gentle circles into his back until he can speak. Twice, Junpei leaps out of bed and vomits in the toilet. Guilt settles in Light’s stomach, but he’s too selfish to ask Junpei to stop. Junpei probably wouldn’t listen to him anyway.

At some point, Light falls asleep. He doesn’t know when. He’s not nearly as good at staying awake for days at a time as Aoi and Junpei are, and he trusts them to handle the search while he’s asleep. He trusts them more than he trusts himself, he realizes. Not for the first time, Light is glad that they are here with him.

Light is drinking a mediocre cup of hotel coffee when Junpei wakes up with a triumphant look. “I found something. Light, you’re not going to like it.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Aoi says suspiciously.

“Neither do I,” Light says, turning towards Junpei.

“It’s… complicated. I’m pretty sure Akane’s the one who has her. I don’t know where she is, though.” Junpei sits up in bed and wipes the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. “Can I… have a minute? I feel like I have the worst hangover in the world.”

Light doesn’t want to give him a minute. He wants information now. But he can hear how uneven and stilted Junpei’s breaths are, how weak he sounds. “You ought to get some actual rest.”

“I don’t need that long. I just need to take a shower.” Junpei slides off the bed, unzips his backpack, grabs a clean pair of clothes, and walks into the bathroom. Or, at least, that’s what Light infers based on the sound of the zipper and a door closing, but he can’t see, of course. A moment later, the shower turns on. Light goes back to his coffee and tries not to think about how much he wants to murder Akane with his own two hands right now.

Junpei spends half an hour in the shower. For him, that’s a record short time. Light doesn’t thank him, but he’s grateful. He knows Junpei wanted to stay in there for longer.

“Okay. So, I have no fucking control over when I access the morphogenetic field, right? I don’t really pick what I see. Usually, it just shows me alternate timelines where shit went wrong on the  _ Gigantic _ . But the last few months, I’ve been seeing future timelines. I still don’t know what’s going on or if it’s even related to this timeline, but Clover and Alice are in those dreams, and none of the rest of you are, and that has to mean  _ something _ .

“I think, I don’t know, this sounds crazy, but… for some reason, in those timelines, Clover is the same age as she is now, but I’m an old man. I don’t know why. It’s weird. But there has to be some reason I’m old in these dreams and Clover’s not. So all of that stuff I saw has to happen in the future, maybe at DCOM. Clover didn’t look like she’d been harmed or anything, so I’m guessing Akane gassed her and is keeping her sedated.”

None of this makes any sense to Light, but he trusts Junpei’s instincts. If Junpei thinks Akane has kidnapped Clover, then that’s most likely what happened. And if Clover is safe in the future, then she must be safe now. Light has to believe that, or he’ll fall apart completely.

“To summarize, you believe that Akane has kidnapped Clover in preparation for something, and whatever it is, it isn’t happening yet because you are still here and not elderly,” Light says.

“Yeah. That’s what I’ve got. Sorry I couldn’t figure out more, Light.” Junpei sighs. “God, I feel like shit. If I try to drink, someone stop me.”

“Hell yeah! Got it!” Aoi cheers suddenly, and Light and Junpei both give him confused looks. “I’ve been trying to hack SOIS’s files so I can see what mission Clover was supposed to go on. I don’t know why, but I get the feeling that the mission they were supposed to carry out was really important, and I know it has to do with Free the Soul.”

“So you want to execute Alice’s and Clover’s plan in their place?” Light asks.

“Yeah. SOIS thinks that Free the Soul kidnapped Clover, so they’re putting their plans to attack on hold. If we don’t do this, nobody will,” Aoi says gravely.

“What about finding Clover?” Junpei asks the question before Light can.

“I want to find her as much as you guys do, really. I’m fucking pissed that Akane kidnapped her  _ again _ . But Akane’s probably getting ready for DCOM right now, right? So, possibility 1: Junpei runs into Akane and Clover when he goes. Possibility 2: Akane is keeping Clover somewhere else until after DCOM. Either way, Akane didn’t just take her for no reason, and she isn’t going to let Clover die. At least, not until whatever future Junpei saw comes to pass.”

Light knows Aoi is right. Everything he’s saying is logical. But logic isn’t quite reaching Light right now, not while Clover is still out there. He wants her back  _ now _ . “I cannot in good faith stop searching for my sister, regardless of whether her mission was important.”

“Yeah, I thought you’d say that, so I asked Seven and Hazuki to come out here, and they’re bringing Nona and Ennea with them. Nona and Ennea can’t directly disobey SOIS’s orders, so they can help you look for Clover while Seven and I crash this Free the Soul base. Hazuki will provide tech support to both teams.” Aoi closes his laptop and stands up. “I’m going to see if I can steal from Crash Keys artillery from a nearby safehouse. If Akane is busy right now, I should be able to get in and out without her noticing.”

It’s a solid plan. Once again, Light is thankful that Aoi is here to think calmly since Light currently cannot. “Thank you, Aoi.”

“Wait, wait, what about me?” Junpei cuts in.

Light frowns. “Junpei, you are supposed to report to the Mars test site in two days.”

“Yeah, and? That gives me two days to help. Aoi, let me come with you. Three people in the field is better than two,” Junpei insists. Junpei sounds quite tired, but he’s also determined in a way that Light doesn’t usually hear from him unless Akane is involved.

“I’m not gonna stop you, but you better get some sleep first,” Aoi says with a shrug. “The Kashiwabaras’ flight lands in an hour and a half, so you should get some rest, too, Light.”

Light doesn’t want to sleep, which is very rare for him, but he’s exhausted from panicking for so long. “I suppose I will take a nap. Junpei, do you mind if we share a bed? I presume Aoi has laid all manner of garbage across the other bed.”

“Wow, fuck you,” Aoi says without any heat behind it.

Junpei laughs softly. “Yeah, he has. There’s all sorts of papers everywhere. And of course, Light. I don’t know why you’re asking  _ now _ , as if we didn’t both fall asleep a few hours ago.”

“Touché.” Light pulls the covers up on the bed and gets comfortable. “Both of you be careful, please. I have no desire to attend a funeral for either of you.”

“Asshole,” Aoi mutters.

“Insufferable,” Light replies instinctively.

As Light falls asleep, he hopes that wherever Clover is, she doesn’t feel alone.

~*~

Two days later, Aoi drives Junpei to the LA airport. The search for Clover has been fruitless, but the attack on the Myrmidon base was a success. Junpei doesn’t want to leave when Clover’s whereabouts are unknown, but he doesn’t think a chance like this will come again. Light had also urged him to go, hoping Akane would eventually share Clover’s location. Junpei still feels like he’s betraying Light.

Aoi parks in the dropoff lane and turns to Junpei, a frown on his face. “Junpei,” he says slowly. “Give me the ring.”

Junpei’s eyes widen. When had Aoi seen the ring? He really did have mom vision. Defeated, Junpei pulls a small purple ring out of his pocket and drops it into Aoi’s outstretched palm.

“I know you love Akane, but please don’t do something stupid. You are  _ not _ marrying my sister until I know that she’ll actually treat you like a decent fucking human being,” Aoi says firmly.

“Wow. I, uh, kind of expected you to say the opposite,” Junpei says sheepishly.

Aoi shakes his head with a sigh. “Junpei, you deserve the best. So don’t propose to Akane until she becomes the best. Got it?”

Junpei bites his lip. He can’t very well propose to Akane when her brother is against it. It wouldn’t be right, not after all Aoi has done for him. “Okay.”

Junpei doesn’t buy another ring.

~*~

Group Chat:  **Aoi is mom of the year** .

**Junpei** : I’m turning my phone off now. I can’t take it to the test site.   
**Hazuki** : Good luck, and be careful.   
**Aoi** : we’ll keep looking for Clover, so don’t worry about her, okay?   
**Junpei** : Thanks. I’m sorry I can’t help   
**Aoi** : go kick my sister’s ass for me and we’ll call it even   
**Aoi** : Junpei, you still there?   
**Hazuki** : It’s been five minutes and he hasn’t responded. I think it’s safe to say he’s gone.   
**Aoi** : okay great. Light and I had nightmares last night. Akane and Junpei were in them, together.   
**Aoi** : there was some dangerous shit going on   
**Aoi** : I’m pretty sure some of the stuff in that nightmare is stuff that Junpei’s complained about in his hallucinations   
**Aoi** : point being: I have a bad feeling about this   
**Hazuki** : Then why didn’t you tell Junpei?   
**Aoi** : we’re getting the nightmares from him I’m pretty sure   
**Aoi** : it felt like… a call for help   
**Aoi** : just to be safe, Hazuki, Seven, I want you guys to be ready to drop by the test site at a moment’s notice   
**Aoi** : until then, we keep looking for clover   
**Aoi** : Light’s falling apart and I don’t know how much longer he’s gonna last   
**Seven** : All right, we can do that.   
**Seven** : Do you want one of us to look after Light?   
**Aoi** : nah I got it   
**Hazuki** : Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Good luck, Aoi.   
**Aoi** : thanks

~*~

Hazuki only agrees to wait in a hot car in the middle of the Nevada desert because Junpei is here, and she is  _ not _ going to leave him alone with Akane. That boy has suffered more than enough for a lifetime in the last year, and she isn’t letting Akane manipulate him again. Period, end of story. Well, that, and Akane deserves to be given hell for spending the last year missing in action. Of course, if she’s not actually here, Hazuki is going to be mad. Or maybe it would be better for Junpei if she isn’t? It’s hard to tell.

Hazuki doesn’t have to wait long to find out. Aoi’s intel is accurate; the test site used to be a military base, so it has a fence around the exterior, but as she drives up to it, she spots nine people standing outside the perimeter and... dragging a tenth person behind? Hazuki was going to let Seven handle  _ that _ . Seven’s car is parked right beside her and he’s standing outside it, waiting for the DCOM participants to approach. Aoi had insisted on sending two cars, citing “a very bad feeling about games involving nine people.” Given that Junpei, Clover, and Akane had all gone missing in a short span of time, it wasn’t unreasonable to feel that way.

Hazuki gets out of the car and walks over to Seven. “So, Mr. Detective, how do we do this?”

“You’re askin’ me like I know anything. As far as we know, the DCOM experiment went off without a hitch,” Seven says with a shrug.

Hazuki narrows her eyes. “ _ Akane’s _ involved.”

Seven sighs heavily. “Yeah, she only gets involved in things that are dangerous.”

“Hazuki! Seven! Oh, thank god.” Junpei runs up to both of them, tears in the corner of his eyes. Hazuki wraps him in a hug. “How did you know where to come?”

“Aoi injected you with a GPS tracker,” Hazuki says drily.

“Knew you’d probably get lost or kidnapped or whatnot,” Seven adds.

Junpei lets out a choked laugh. “Yeah, that’s… that’s not too far from the truth.”

Hazuki’s gaze falls on Akane, and she pushes Junpei into Seven’s arms. “Please excuse me for a moment,” she says, her voice all daggers and knives, and either Junpei is too tired to notice her demeanor or he’s too busy burying his head into Seven’s shoulder. Hazuki marches over to Akane and slaps her across the cheek without hesitation.

“Hey, lady, what the hell are you doing?” some blond guy with way too much muscle yells, stepping in front of Akane protectively.

“Why don’t you ask her? I’m sure she knows the answer,” Hazuki says venomously.

“It’s okay, Carlos. She has the right to be angry at me,” Akane says softly.

“If it makes you feel any better, you aren’t special. I slapped Aoi, too, when I first saw him,” Hazuki says offhandedly as she scans the crowd. Seven is talking to a dark-haired man who’s carrying an unconscious old person and a white-haired woman who looks like she could be his daughter. The others are mostly scattered about, not sure what to do. Clover isn’t among them.

“If Clover’s not with you, where is she?” Hazuki says, rounding back on Akane.

Akane’s eyes widen. “Oh. She’s safe. She’s in a cold sleep pod in a Crash Keys safehouse.”

Of course she is. Hazuki resists the urge to slap Akane again and instead hands her a notepad and pencil. “Address. Now.”

“Can’t this wait a little bit?” the blond dude cuts in, and Hazuki has half a mind to punch him.

“It’s waited for nine days.” Hazuki doesn’t have time for this guy. “ _ Your  _ brother is breaking his back trying to find her.  _ Clover’s _ brother is a total mess. You have a lot of explaining to do.”

Akane’s gaze drops to the floor and she hands the notepad and pencil back to Hazuki. 

Great. Hazuki is tired of hiding her anger. It’s for Junpei’s sake, she reminds herself. For Junpei’s sake. “Okay, my car has six spots, Seven’s car has four. Split yourselves up, we’re getting you out of here. Akane, you’re riding with me.”

“Okay,” Akane says, and Hazuki doesn’t miss the way she looks over at Junpei with worry in her eyes. Junpei isn’t even outside anymore. He’s sitting in the passenger seat of Seven’s car, fast asleep. Poor kid.

“Shouldn’t the government have sent us an escort or something?” one of the others, a man with brown hair and gray eyes, asks.

“You’ve only been missing for a few hours, and you're not at conjunction yet,” Seven answers gruffly. He’s in the middle of tying up and gagging the unconscious old man. “As far as they know, nothing happened to you.”

“Then how do  _ you _ know something happened to us?” the brown-haired man says stubbornly.

“It’s a long story. I can explain it in the car,” Seven says with a shrug. “Any  _ urgent  _ questions? It’s hot out here.”

“We can trust them,” Akane pipes up. “Junpei and I know them. They’re good people.”

“...Shotgun!” the white-haired girl says suddenly, dashing towards Hazuki’s car before anyone else can. Hazuki can admire that spirit, she thinks with a grin, and she unlocks the car so the girl can get inside.

“Leave it to Phi to take advantage of the situation,” the black-haired man mutters. He and a redhead climb into the car, followed by Akane and Carlos. The other three decide to squeeze into the back of Seven’s car so they don’t have to split up.

As they hit the road again, Hazuki turns to Phi. “Open the glove compartment. We brought snacks and water. I don’t know how long it’s been since you’ve eaten, but we thought it couldn’t hurt to be prepared.”

“Oh, thank you so much,” the redheaded girl in the back says as Phi starts passing water bottles to the back.

Hazuki taps the phone icon on her car’s center console and says, “Call Aoi Kurashiki,” Akane’s face drains of color as the phone, connected to the car by bluetooth, begins to ring.

The phone rings twice before Aoi picks up. “Where is she?” is all he says.

“Phi, read him the address on the notepad,” Hazuki says, gesturing with one hand to the notepad and pen in the other cupholder.

“Sure.” Phi starts to read it, then turns to Akane. “Is this all right?”

“Yes, it’s fine. We won’t need to carry out the AB Project in this timeline,” Akane says.

Hazuki does  _ not _ want to know what that means.

“Great. Thanks. Tell me when you get back,” Aoi says, and he hangs up before Akane can try to talk to him. There’s no way he didn’t hear Akane’s voice, but it figures that he wouldn’t want to mention her name in front of Light, and the two of them should be together right now.

“Is he… is Aoi okay?” Akane asks meekly.

“You can ask him yourself. I’m not giving you information for free until I know you’re not going to disappear on us again,” Hazuki says.

Akane falls silent. Hazuki likes it that way.

“Um, excuse me, Miss…?”

“Kashiwabara. And you are?”

“Oh, uh, Carlos. Excuse me, Miss Kashiwabara, but how  _ did _ you know something happened to us?” the blond guy, Carlos, asks.

“Akane, do they know about morphogenetic field theory?” Hazuki asks.

“Yes.” Akane’s answer is short, but Hazuki senses that there’s a story behind it. Well, she’ll get told later.

“Well, Junpei has been sending whatever he was seeing to his roommates through the morphic fieldset. He got lucky enough that he sent things to them two days in the past. They figured it was better to be safe than sorry and asked Seven and I to do a stakeout. And judging by the conversation we eavesdropped on, a lot happened to fill the hour you were off the grid.”

“It’s only been an hour?” Carlos says, bewildered.

Hazuki shrugs. “That’s when Junpei’s GPS signal dropped, at least.”

“Wait, Junpei told me he hadn’t been able to use the morphogenetic field since last year,” Akane cut in.

“The kid has terrible confidence. He probably doesn’t think that accidental use of the morphic fieldset counts,” Hazuki says.

“Is Junpei okay? It was like a switch flipped the moment we got out of there,” Carlos says. Hazuki thinks his concern sounds genuine enough, but she also doesn’t want to breach Junpei’s privacy.

“I say this with love, but Junpei’s an absolute mess. He only slept once in the three days before coming here to the test site.” Hazuki sighs.

“And then he went through the Decision Game…” the redheaded girl sitting in the back says quietly.

“I don’t know what that means, but I’m going to assume it wasn’t a very fun game,” Hazuki remarks wryly.

“It wasn’t,” Akane says, and Hazuki is surprised to hear her voice shake. Hmm, so maybe Akane was human after all.

“I don’t need to know the details. I’m sure I’ll learn them eventually, whether I want to or not,” Hazuki says dismissively.

“...Where exactly are you taking us?” the other passenger, the dark-haired man, asks. He looks young but sounds old. There’s probably a story behind that, too. Hazuki doesn’t want to know.

“Back to the government building that was overseeing the experiment. They’ll know what to do from there. You’ll have to debrief or something, won’t you?”

“Since we’ve been outside, the experiment has been corrupted. There’s no way they can continue it,” Phi muses.

Akane nods. “They’ll still want to interview us about our experience. Even though the experiment was cut short, they’ll want as much data as they can get.”

“Talking to government scientists is probably the last thing you want to do right now, but it’s probably for the best that you get it over with,” Hazuki says. “I think if I took you anywhere else, I would technically be breaking the law, anyway.”

“Well, we appreciate the lift,” Phi says.

“I’d appreciate it more if  _ Phi _ hadn’t sniped the front seat,” the black-haired man says with a scowl.

As the two begin to banter, Hazuki tunes them out and pays attention to the road. The government administrative building is only a fifteen minute drive from the test site, so they arrive fairly quickly. Hazuki pulls up a block away from the front gate and stops the car. “If anybody asks, Seven and I were racing through the desert when we came across you standing outside of the test site.”

“Flawless cover story,” Phi says with a smirk.

“That’s an interesting way to say  _ thank you _ ,” Hazuki says in her mom voice, the one that’s a little sharp, a little scolding, very authoritative.

“Thank you,” the redheaded girl says from the back seat. Well, at least one of these people has manners.

“Oh, and Akane?” Hazuki turns around in her seat to face Akane just as she’s about to get out of the car. “If you break Junpei’s heart, you’re going to get more than a slap from me. Got it?”

“Y-yes, I understand,” Akane says quickly.

“Good. Now, get out.” Hazuki waits until everyone has vacated her car, and then she relaxes in her seat and checks her phone. She has a text from Seven telling her that she’s dropping the tied up person off at SOIS and a text from Nona saying that she and Ennea are heading back home now that Clover has been found. Hazuki hopes for the day when she gets  _ normal _ text messages about  _ normal _ situations, but she doubts it’s coming any time soon. Especially not if Akane’s sticking around.

Well, nothing to do now except wait. Maybe she’ll go shopping for souvenirs.

~*~

Now that he’s out of this life-or-death situation, Junpei can’t contain the flood of panic that rises deep inside him. He wants a drink, but no, no, he isn’t going down that road right now. He needs to get home first. He needs— he needs a lot of things right now. And for the first time in a year, Akane is not one of them. He can’t sort through all the things he feels for her right now. His brain is too scrambled, his mind too tired. Junpei hasn’t gotten a full night’s worth of sleep since before the DCOM experiment. He feels like he could collapse at any moment.

Which is definitely not ideal, because he’s spent the last ten hours in interviews and interrogations. He knows he signed up for this, but he’s really regretting it now. The noises outside are starting to blur together. He can’t distinguish the words people are saying, his vision is blurring.

“Are you okay, dude?” Carlos pats him on the shoulder, and Junpei jolts awake at the contact. He’s in the waiting room. He doesn’t remember when he got here, or even getting here at all.

“Tired. I’ll be fine,” Junpei says, and he isn’t even convincing to himself. He blinks, and Carlos is suddenly covered in blood. He blinks again, and it’s gone. Shit. He forgot this happened to him when he was tired and sober.

“You were kind of zoned out, so they brought you back here. They’re releasing us soon, I think. And they gave me your stuff. Here.” Carlos hands Junpei a small backpack that looks vaguely recognizable. It takes Junpei a moment to remember that it’s his. He’d handed this over before being driven to the test site. His phone should be in here, turned off and fully charged. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

Junpei blinks back tears. No, he’s not going to be okay. His head is pounding. Has it been hurting this whole time? Maybe. “I just need… some time. To sort through everything that just happened.”

“You can say that again,” Carlos agrees. “Here, give me your phone number so we can stay in touch.” Carlos hands his phone to Junpei. Junpei stares at it blankly for a long time before entering the digits that he thinks are his phone number. No, no, they are. That’s his phone number. God, he’s going insane. Junpei turns on his phone to double check. He has a lot of texts— from Aoi, from Seven, from Light. None from Clover, but that makes sense, because—

Shit. Is Clover okay? Junpei starts frantically scrolling through text messages until he finds one from Aoi that confirms that Clover and Alice have been found and are unharmed. He lets out a sigh of relief. There’s a more recent text from Hazuki telling him to let her know when he’s done so she can pick him up.

“You said… we’re almost done, right?” Junpei says slowly, looking over at Carlos.

“Yeah. Just waiting for some paperwork.”

“Okay.” Junpei texts Hazuki word for word what Carlos had said because he can’t think fast enough to find other words and make sentences out of them. The world blurs together again. He thinks maybe Carlos is leading him somewhere by the hand, and he signs some papers. Maybe someone is saying something important to him, but he can’t tell. He smells blood. He rubs his fingers, but it won’t come off.

A familiar, strong set of arms holds him. “Seven,” Junpei mumbles, leaning into the hug instinctively.

Seven says something, but Junpei can’t make out the words. He thinks he hears Akane’s voice, too, and she’s trying to talk to him, but it’s too much. He can’t handle this right now. Seven lifts him up and puts him in a leather seat in a car. His eyelids are drooping now, he can’t keep them open. Seven is here. Seven will take care of him. He’s safe.

He’s safe. He’s okay. He’s on his way home.

~*~

Seeing Junpei so unresponsive is heartbreaking. Akane has never seen him like this before. Seven doesn’t seem too bothered; he lifts Junpei into the passenger seat and buckles his seatbelt.

“Does this… happen often?” Akane asks quietly.

Seven sighs. “Get in the car. I bet Junpei won’t tell you about it, so I will.”

Akane climbs into the back seat. It’s cleaner than she expected from Seven. She closes the door, and Seven starts driving before she’s even put her seatbelt on.

“First off, as a warning, everybody’s mad at you for kidnapping Clover and for… uh, how do I say this.” Seven pauses. “Junpei’s spent the last year looking for you. He did a lot of things that weren’t the best for him because he was so desperate. Things were… really bad for a while.”

“Oh…” Akane bits her bottom lip. She had left Junpei behind because she didn’t want him to get hurt, but it seems like she’d hurt him anyway. “I… I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

“I’m sure you didn’t, but that’s not gonna cut it, kid. Love’s a fickle thing. You have to be  _ careful _ .” Seven sighs and looks over at Junpei. “The guy wears his heart on his sleeve. One wrong move, and you’ll hurt him good.”

“I’m sorry,” Akane says quietly.

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to him.”

Once they get to the hotel, Seven parks the car. “Can you grab your stuff and his? I’ll carry him.”

Akane nods, slings her backpack over one shoulder and Junpei’s over the other. Aoi is waiting for them in the lobby, his face a mask of calm and authority. He looks so… tired. Did he always look this tired?

“Seven, take him upstairs to Light and Clover’s room. I think they’re both asleep already,” Aoi says quietly. His voice is shaking. He’s angry, Akane realizes. She’s rarely heard him like this before— actually, genuinely angry. “Akane, we’re sharing a room. Let’s go.”

Aoi doesn’t say anything in the elevator, doesn’t talk as they walk down the hallway, doesn’t make a noise as he unlocks the door to their room. He slips his shoes off, hangs his jacket and scarf by the door, and walks further into the room, all without a word. Akane doesn’t know what to do. Tears are rising in her throat and she can’t stop them. 

For the first time in her life, she cries, and Aoi looks her dead in the eye and walks away without comforting her. 

Aoi walks into the bathroom with a set of PJs in his hands and closes the door, and Akane runs to the empty bed, falls face first on it, and lets her tears come freely. He’s never been like this to her before. The only time she’s seen him angry like this was with  _ Hongou _ .

When she hears Aoi open the bathroom door, she wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand and sits up to face him. “Aoi, I’m sorry,” she says quietly.

Aoi looks at her, his face a blank slate, and says nothing.

“Aoi, please say something. I have no idea what you’re thinking,” Akane says, desperation leaking into her voice.

Aoi turns away, puts his dirty clothes in his suitcase, pulls back the covers on his bed. He takes his time laying down on the bed and settling in. Finally, he says, “What do you want me to say? That I forgive you? That it’s okay for you to kidnap people, tear families apart, make people sick with worry, cut off the people who care about you, and try to do everything by yourself if you’re doing it for a good cause? Your actions have consequences, Akane, Now you have to face them.”

“I’m sorry, Aoi, but I had to—”

“That doesn’t make it okay.” Aoi’s voice is steely and hard, like when he held a gun to her head and threatened to kill her. It was an act that time. This time, it was real. “I have nothing to say to you, Akane. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll feel like talking things through, but today, I’m not feeling that gracious. Good night.”

He rolls over in his bed so that he isn’t facing her and doesn’t even bother to turn out the lights.

**January 2028**

The next morning is even worse. Aoi’s anger is quiet and subdued, but Light’s anger is explosive and sharp. In the hotel lobby, as Aoi is checking out, Light marches over to her. His eyes are open.

“Akane Kurashiki, let me make one thing clear to you. The only reason I am not currently strangling you to death is because Aoi and Junpei have asked me to refrain from killing you. If they both change their minds, you are a dead woman.” His voice is full of the same venom, the same hatred that she’d heard ten years ago through Junpei’s ears in another timeline when Light had burned to death with Gentarou Hongou.

Clover doesn’t say anything, but her eyes burn with the same anger. She glares at Akane, then walks away with Light. Junpei watches the whole exchange in silence, like he isn’t even there.

The car ride to the airport is completely silent. Akane sits in the passenger seat so that Light and Clover don’t have to look at her. Nobody speaks to her at the airport, and she sits alone on the plane. She doesn’t even know where they’re going until she looks at her boarding pass. When they land, Hazuki and Seven take her by subway to Nona’s and Ennea’s apartment, where the two of them are staying for the week. Nona and Ennea are polite enough to her as they offer her the couch to sleep on until she figures out what she’s going to do next. Akane thanks them. Aoi texts her the address to his apartment with a warning that she should not drop by uninvited because he lives with Light, and he might actually kill her. Phi texts her that she’s cleaned up the Crash Keys safe house where they were keeping the cold storage pods, and then a selfie of herself, Diana, and Sigma. Carlos texts her to let her know that he got home safely.

What does she do now? She hasn’t looked at the timelines that branch from here. The chances of being here, on this timeline, were so remarkably low that she hadn’t investigated it for very long. She desperately wants, more than anything, to be selfish. To get her happy ending. To be with Junpei and make him happy. But she’s going to have to work for it.

Just a little longer. 

~*~

When Aoi gets home from the airport, he wants to collapse on the couch and never move again. Instead, he makes a list of groceries to buy and begins cooking dinner. Light and Clover retreat to Clover’s room, refusing to separate from each other, and Junpei curls up in his bed and falls asleep. For a moment, it’s peaceful in the usually chaotic apartment, and Aoi savors it. 

Dinner time rolls around, and nobody shows themselves, so Aoi knocks on Clover’s door first. Clover comes to the door looking startled and anxious, but she relaxes when she sees Aoi’s face. “You both need to eat,” Aoi says firmly.

“I’m not hungry,” Light says from where he’s face down on the bed. 

“Neither am I, but Aoi’s right. Stop being a child,” Clover snaps. She takes both plates from Aoi and puts one on her desk. “I’ll make sure he eats. Thank you, Aoi.”

“You don’t even know if it tastes good,” Aoi points out and turns to leave, but Clover grabs his hand.

“No. I mean, thank you for looking for me and taking care of Light. I really owe you,” Clover says softly.

Aoi shakes his head. “No, no, I’m the one paying off debt here. Lap dog, remember?”

“Oh, shut up and take my gratitude before I forget about it, okay?” Clover says, smacking him on the arm playfully.

“Don’t inflate his ego. He’ll be insufferable,” Light calls from the bed.

“Takes one to know one, asshole,” Aoi snarks back. Clover giggles. This is what Aoi has been missing. “Okay, I’m gonna go check on Junpei. I’ll probably have to feed him, honestly.”

Clover’s expression softens. “Thanks, Aoi. We’ll— I’ll help, too, later, okay?”

“Don’t worry about that now,” Aoi says dismissively, and he walks away before Clover can put up more of a fight.

When Aoi walks into Junpei’s room, he half expects the man to be asleep. Instead, he finds Junpei lying on the floor and clutching his chest as if he’d been stabbed. Aoi places the plate of food on the desk and then walks over to Junpei and kneels down next to him.

“Junpei,” he says quietly, placing his hand on Junpei’s arm. Junpei flinches at the touch. “You’re safe. You’re home. You’re all right.”

Junpei’s eyes slowly travel up to Aoi’s face, and he stares at Aoi for a moment before blinking lethargically. “Aoi?”

“I’m here.”

Junpei looks around for a moment, his eyes studying the room, and then he slowly sits up and puts a hand to his head. “We’re… in the apartment. At home,” he says slowly. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Aoi says patiently.

“Aoi,” he says again, and he reaches a hand out to touch Aoi’s shoulder. He closes his eyes for a moment, then shudders and opens them. “The smell of blood won’t go away.”

“I’m sorry, Junpei. I wish I could make it go away.” But Aoi isn’t Santa Claus. He can’t make wishes come true.

“There’s… no blood. Right?”

“No blood. I brought you some rice and curry, though.”

Junpei starts to shake his head and curl up into a ball again. “I don’t want to eat,” he whispers.

“I know, buddy. But you need to get some food in your system. It’ll make the hallucinations go away,” Aoi says, trying his best to smile.

Junpei slowly uncurls after a moment. “Okay. I’ll try.”

“Good. Do you want help?” Aoi asks.

“Maybe.”

Aoi brings the plate over to Junpei. Junpei sits up against the bed and takes a small bite. His nose wrinkles in disgust, but he swallows. He takes another bite, then a third, and then tears come to his eyes, and he puts his spoon down. “I can’t,” he says, voice choked with tears. “I can’t. It tastes like blood. I can’t—”

Aoi sits next to Junpei and holds him as he begins to bawl uncontrollably. He’s not as good at this whole comforting older sibling thing as Light, but Light is out of commission right now, so Aoi does his best to whisper the right things and stroke Junpei’s hair and be there for him. Junpei falls asleep in Aoi’s arms, and Aoi gently rests him on the floor and slips out from underneath him. He puts the plate of curry in the fridge for later and packs up all the leftovers before realizing that he forgot to eat his own dinner. Damn.

As he eats dinner, he checks his phone. He has a text from Hazuki making sure he’s eaten and a text from Akane. Aoi ignores it. He isn’t in the mood to talk to her right now.

He still isn’t sure what to do with Akane. Nona and Ennea were absolute saints for agreeing to house her with almost no prior notice; he’d have to send them a nice gift once he had a spare moment. If he doesn’t give her a chance to apologize, she might disappear again, and Junpei will be crushed. (So would he, but he doesn’t want to admit that.) But what sort of chance does she deserve? How can he make sure she understands that people are not pawns to be used and thrown away for the sake of the timeline?

Just thinking about it makes his head hurt. He washes the dirty dishes to let out some of his stress, and then he lays down on the couch and reads Akane’s text message.

**Akane** : I‘m sorry, Aoi. I didn’t want to leave you behind.   
**Akane** : I really feel bad. I didn’t realize that you were so hurt when I left.   
**Aoi** : If you read your damn text messages, you’d know exactly how I felt while you were gone, but that’s not what I’m mad about. I’m mad about how you left Junpei without so much as a “goodbye” or “I’ll be back.”   
**Aoi** : I’m not ready to have this conversation, okay? I have three people to take care of, and I’m exhausted.   
**Aoi** : Talk to Hazuki and Seven. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.   
**Akane** : Okay. I love you, Aoi. I’m sorry.   
**Aoi** : I love you, too, but that isn’t going to suddenly fix everything.

Aoi puts his phone down. He  _ hates _ being this mean to his sister, absolutely hates it. He wants to hold her tight and tell her that everything’s fine. But there are things she needs to apologize for, people she needs to win the trust of again. And Aoi knows that Junpei is going to play good cop, so playing bad cop falls to him.

Besides, he’s still angry at her. It’s not entirely an act.

~*~

Junpei wakes up and he can’t hear anything. It’s like he’s in a fish tank and the world around him is outside, looking in on him. Except he isn’t in a fish tank. He’s in the rec room, and there’s three suits of armor holding gatling guns and shooting bullets faster than Junpei can think. The bullets rip through his flesh one by one, and he cries out in pain. The smell of blood is overwhelming and his vision is starting to go gray. No, no, he has to stay alive. He still hasn’t had a chance to talk to Akane. He has to—

Junpei feels a cold, gentle hand touch his arm. It doesn’t fit with the rest of the scene. Then there’s another hand, this one much warmer, rubbing his back. Akane and Carlos are dead. Whose hands are these? No, wait, what about the holes? There’s holes in his body. How are they touching him when there’s so many holes? And the blood. There’s blood everywhere, blood and flesh and lifeless eyes staring back at him. Junpei can’t breathe. Everything hurts so badly. He wants to vomit.

“Junpei,” a voice whispers. He knows that voice, but he can’t place it. It’s someone important. He wants to hear it again. “You’re home. You’re okay.”

Junpei squeezes his eyes shut. He can’t smell anything but blood. “Keep… keep talking. Please.”

“Um, okay. Hazuki and Aoi are sitting on the floor playing chess. Aoi just put some brownies in the oven. Light and I are sitting on either side of you. Seven’s holding you in his lap.”

Junpei remembers haircuts and a phone call at the bus stop and a promise to drop everything when he needs it.

“Clover,” he whispers.

“Mhm. I’m here. I’m here.” Junpei feels someone squeeze his hand. He wants it to be Clover so badly, but when he opens his eyes, all he can see is the bullets flying everywhere, tearing into his flesh. “I’ve been listening to music. Light’s listening to an audiobook about something boring.”

“It’s about deep sea creatures, actually. They are quite fascinating,” another voice cuts in. Light.  _ Light _ . Junpei can’t tell what’s real and what’s not, but he hopes that Light and Clover are real.

“Is… is Aoi there?” Junpei manages. His throat is choked up with tears but he can’t quite let them out. He’s still struggling to breathe, struggling to hear, struggling to make sense of what’s going on around him.

“I’m here, you worrywart. Hazuki’s kicking my ass in chess,” Aoi grumbles.

“And Aoi’s refusing to quit until he wins at least one match,” Hazuki says smugly.

Junpei begins to sob with relief. He doesn’t care if he can’t see them. Just hearing them is enough. He’s safe. He’s home. He can feel Seven’s arms around him, holding him, giving him warmth. He’s so cold. Junpei grips at what he thinks is Seven’s shirt, holding it tight. He doesn’t want to let go. If he lets go, it will stop being real. “I can’t… I can’t see you. I can hear you, but I can’t—”

“We’re here and we’re not going anywhere, kid,” Seven says softly.

Light’s gentle fingers start to work their way through his hair. “Tell us what you’re seeing, Junpei. Maybe it will help.”

Once Junpei starts talking, he can’t stop. He tells them about DCOM, about the Decision Game, about every terrible thing he saw. He doesn’t think he’s making any sense, but he doesn’t care. He needs it to get out, out of his head, out into the open. He’s gasping for breath by the end, tears still flowing steadily down his cheeks. He’s suddenly very tired. But he doesn’t want to sleep. If he sleeps, they’ll go away, and he’ll be alone with all of the blood and death and pain.

He opens his eyes. He’s at home. He’s at  _ home _ . Everything is exactly like Clover described it. He breathes in. And there’s no blood. In fact...

“I smell brownies,” he whispers tearfully.

“Do you want one? They’re almost done,” Aoi says. His voice is trembling. Why? Is he… crying? Junpei blinks slowly. There’s tears on Aoi’s cheeks. He looks over at Clover, and she’s crying, too. Why are they crying? Did he do something wrong?

“Sorry.” He doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for, but they’re crying. It has to be his fault.

“You got nothing to be sorry for, Junpei,” Seven says, ruffling his hair gently.

“Are you sure?” he asks. His eyelids are starting to droop. His vision is starting to blur. He doesn’t want to go. He is struck with the sudden fear that any other version of him could SHIFT to this timeline and he would lose this moment of peace.

“Yes, we’re certain,” he hears Light say next to him.

“I don’t want… don’t want you to go…” he mumbles. He can’t find the strength to open his eyes again. He wants to see them. He doesn’t want this to be stolen from him.

“It’s okay. Go back to sleep. We’ll be here when you wake up,” Clover says warmly.

Junpei can’t stay awake any longer. He hopes that he gets to see them again.

~*~

When Junpei wakes up again, he’s a lot more lucid. Sleep, it turns out, does wonders for the brain. He’s still on the couch in the living room. It’s dark in the room, but he can make out the comforting figures of Light, Aoi, and Clover asleep on the floor. Aoi’s head is resting on Light’s chest, and Clover is tucked under Light’s right arm. They were probably trying to stay awake for him.

Seven and Hazuki aren’t here anymore, but they probably just went home for the night. Right? Junpei takes a deep breath and does his best to ease the panic building in his chest. He’s not at DCOM anymore, where everything could kill you. Hazuki and Seven are probably fine.

Junpei spots his phone on the coffee table and picks it up. There’s text messages waiting for him: from Carlos, from Aoi, from Hazuki. Junpei starts reading them one by one.

**Hazuki** : If you wake up and we aren’t there, it’s because we went back to Nona’s and Ennea’s for the night. We’ll be back tomorrow.   
**Hazuki** : Akane is staying with us. We’re making sure she doesn’t go anywhere. Junpei, please don’t put her feelings before yours. You have every right to be angry with her.

Junpei smiles fondly and shakes his head. It’s times like this that remind him that Hazuki is a mother, with the way she could comfort him in one breath and scold him in another. He sends her a quick thank you and then moves on to the messages from Carlos. As he’s reading, he realizes that there’s messages from him that he doesn’t remember sending. He doesn’t even remember getting Carlos’ phone number. He scrolls up to the top of the conversation and begins to read.

**Carlos** : Hey, I wanted to let you know that I made it back home safely. Hope you’re doing all right.   
**Junpei** : Hey, Carlos. This is Junpei’s roommate, Clover. I feel kind of bad using his phone like this, but I didn’t want to leave you hanging.   
**Junpei** : Junpei’s asleep right now, and he probably will be out of it for a couple days. He hasn’t slept well since before DCOM, so he’s really wiped out. You may not hear from him for a while.   
**Carlos** : Thanks for the update, Clover. Maybe this is intrusive to ask, but who are you? Junpei was repeating your name over and over again in the waiting room when we were being interrogated, and he seemed pretty worried.   
**Junpei** : Ahaha that sounds like Junpei. I’m one of his roommates! I was kidnapped a couple days before the DCOM experiment, so he was probably worried because of that.   
**Carlos** : Gotcha. Sounds like things were a little chaotic over there, I hope it settles down for you guys.   
**Junpei** : Aw, thanks! That’s really sweet of you.

Leave it to Clover to make a new friend. Junpei lets Carlos know that he’s awake and feeling better, and then he moves on to the last message, the one from Aoi.

**Aoi** : I’m sure I’m going to regret doing this, but I don’t know if you and Akane managed to talk things out in DCOM or not, and you’re an adult who can make his own dumb decisions.   
**Aoi** : Here’s Akane’s new phone number. Do whatever the hell you want with it.

Junpei swallows. His feelings for Akane are still a jumbled mess. He loves her, he really does. He knows that even more now, after seeing her in danger so many times in the Decision Game. But he’s angry that she kidnapped Clover and he’s hurt that she left him behind for a year. There’s nothing guaranteeing that she won’t do either of those things again. He loves her, but he hates her, too. 

Nothing will change like this. Junpei has to talk to her.

**Junpei** : This is Junpei. I’m doing a little better now and I wanted to let you know. I don’t know how much anyone has told you.   
**Akane** : Oh, thank goodness. I’ve been so worried. Nobody will tell me anything about you.   
**Akane** : Junpei, what’s going on? Why is everyone being so protective of you?   
**Junpei** : I kind of fell apart when you disappeared. I think they’re all trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Junpei glances down at his roommates, and he takes a deep breath. He won’t fall apart again. He won’t, because he isn’t alone. He has them.

**Junpei** : Look, I have a lot I need to think about. I’m angry at you for kidnapping Clover and running off without telling me or Aoi what you were doing. You’ve hurt me and the people I care about, and it’s like you don’t even care that you’re doing it. When Clover went missing, Light was out of his mind with worry. And so was I. I couldn’t sleep with how worried I was about her, even after I knew that you were probably the one behind it.   
**Junpei** : But even after all that, I can’t stop hoping that you can change. Neither of us are the people we were ten years ago, or even one year ago, but we had to change to become who we are now. And maybe, you can change again to become someone I can love without feeling all of this resentment and anger towards.   
**Junpei** : I love you, Akane. But I can’t just ignore what you’ve done.   
**Akane** : I understand, Junpei. Or it might be more accurate to say that I’m trying to understand. Seeing you and Aoi helped me realize how much I’ve been missing by focusing on the bigger picture. I’m really, really sorry.   
**Akane** : I need to do some thinking, too. I want to change. I want to be someone you can be proud of loving. I don’t know how to get there yet, but I’m going to work hard for it.   
**Junpei** : Promise me one thing. Promise you won’t disappear again.   
**Akane** : I promise.   
**Junpei** : I’m holding you to that. If you leave again, I’m not going to forgive you. And I mean that.   
**Junpei** : I’ll talk to you more later, okay?   
**Akane** : Thank you, Junpei. I look forward to it.

Junpei lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he puts his phone back on the coffee table. He feels stupid for not seeing it before— that Akane wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He still loves her and he hopes that he can be with her one day, but he no longer feels like he has to chase after her. She isn’t his life’s purpose anymore. For the first time in more than a year, he feels  _ free _ .

It had taken Clover getting kidnapped for him to finally realize it. His life’s purpose is the three people sleeping at his feet, keeping watch over him at night. His love for Akane is all yearning and desire, but his love for Clover, Aoi, and Light is the warmth of eating a home cooked meal while wrapped in a blanket and sitting in front of the fireplace. They’re his home base, his strength, his  _ family _ . He would do anything for them. They’ve already done everything for him.

Junpei quietly climbs down from the couch and lays down next to Aoi, resting his head on Aoi’s shoulder. He closes his eyes, and as he goes to sleep, he feels at peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't hate Akane. But all the characters in this fic hate Akane because of Junpei's fast mental health decline, and I think they deserve to. I also think Akane deserves the chance to offer reparations for her mistakes, but that's a whole other fic.
> 
> If you've played ZTD, you can probably tell where I decided that canon didn't make sense. Good thing Aoi's there to give Junpei some self-restraint.
> 
> Also, canonically, Clover and Alice go missing on December 22nd. Which is... before DCOM... I have no idea why this happens, but I rolled with it.
> 
> And that's it for now! I have a VLR fic for this universe that's almost done, and I have plans to write a ZTD fic as well. Because, as you can imagine, things happen just a little bit differently at DCOM. Thanks for reading!


End file.
